Separated Dads
New to this and looking for a shoulder - Printable Version

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New to this and looking for a shoulder - Scott1230 - 11-08-2018

Hello, 

In September last year I separated from my wife. I was unfortunately dealing with a gambling problem and I was using a lot of porn / online sex chats and stuff a married man shouldn't be doing. 

I had contact with my children overnight in the October following but I returned them home to be told by my wife that all future contact was to be through her solicitor. I was then advised by letter in January that Social work were involved. I assumed this due to her being left unable to pay rent and she was pregnant at the time. 

I've recently been advised by my solicitor that the police were actually contacted in October last year and and social work involved as a result. I was given an incident reference but I have been unable to find out exactly what the allegation was. I have not been contacted by any organisation in the 13 months that have passed. 

I am naturally worried about what has been said but my solicitor and friends who are involved in police have assured me that if I had something to worry about, I would have been notified by someone in this time. 

My first question is, is there a way for me to find out the details of the police/social work involvement? Has anyone had any experience with this?

Secondly,  I am now 1 year into a recovery from gambling and now ready to pursue contact. My solicitor expects us to be in court before Christmas and I am just very anxious about what to expect. 

Thanks for reading and hopefully hear back from someone.


RE: New to this and looking for a shoulder - warwickshire1 - 11-08-2018

How old are your children at moment?


RE: New to this and looking for a shoulder - Scott1230 - 11-08-2018

(11-08-2018, 04:41 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: How old are your children at moment?

4 and 2.


RE: New to this and looking for a shoulder - warwickshire1 - 11-08-2018

I dont think you will need to ask about police /social services involvement. Firstly your wife has rang up police and made up an allegation possibly something involving children when they stayed overnight in October last year. Police decided there was no need to contact you , but as involved children have to alert social services. I guess social services decided they had no concerns and closed the case and felt their was no need to speak to you.

I am guessing when you go to court your wife is after a child arrangements order saying children live with mum and spends time with father, she will most likely make up allegations which you havent done involving children at 1st hearing. you will most likely be offered supervised contact at a contact centre until next hearing hopefully. It would be supervised no matter what as your youngest is only 2 years old and you not seen your children for over a year.

After first hearing a section 7 report will need to be done before your next hearing which will be a directions hearing. At directions hearing supervised may continue if granted it before and hopefully will progress to unsupervised contact ( interim contact).. as regards to allegations if they do arise u just state they didnt happen and its not factual. its highly likely where children are young your ex will bring up stuff unrelated to children in anger ..gambling and porn been at least 2 of them and not letting you see children in a womans world is teaching u a lesson to hurt you and not thinking of poor children.


RE: New to this and looking for a shoulder - Scott1230 - 11-09-2018

(11-08-2018, 05:02 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: I dont think you will need to ask about police /social services involvement.  Firstly your wife has rang up police and made up an allegation possibly something involving children when they stayed overnight in October last year. Police decided there was no need to contact you , but as involved children have to alert social services. I guess social services decided they had no concerns and closed the case and felt their was no need to speak to you.

I am guessing when you go to court your wife is after a child arrangements order saying children live with mum and spends time with father, she will most likely make up allegations which you havent done involving children at 1st hearing. you will most likely be offered supervised contact at a contact centre until next hearing hopefully. It would be supervised no matter what as your youngest is only 2 years old and you not seen your children for over a year.

After first hearing a section 7 report will need to be done before your next hearing which will be a directions hearing. At directions hearing supervised may continue if granted it before and hopefully will progress to unsupervised contact ( interim contact).. as regards to allegations if they do arise u just state they didnt happen and its not factual. its highly likely where children are young your ex will bring up stuff unrelated to children in anger ..gambling and porn been at least 2 of them and not letting you see children in a womans world is teaching u a lesson to hurt you and not thinking of poor children.

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply. 

Sounds like I've got a journey ahead... 

When I left, I got text messages from my wife saying she discovered my skype sex chats and called me a sexual predator. Saying as well she couldn't believe she let a man like me around her children. I never physically cheated on her, just online. 

I was concerned about the police involvement but it's reassuring as time goes on that no one has wanted to speak to me and I can only assume that if she had a concern the police were taking seriously, I would have known pretty quick. 

The thought of a contact centre isn't great, is this pretty normal when the children are of a young age?

Thanks


RE: New to this and looking for a shoulder - warwickshire1 - 11-09-2018

yes , it is when they are allegations and especially if they are very young. also crucially you havent seen them for over a year which due to their age is a definite concern as well