Separated Dads
Real quick advice required pl - Printable Version

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Real quick advice required pl - Dingle01902 - 11-11-2018

Brief background.
I've raised my kids alone for 9 years now 9F and 11F Mum had alternate weekends. In Feb she refused to return them home and reported me to Police and Social Services for physical and mental abuse.

Police result was NFA but, as the kids kept saying to SW they didn't want to see me, the recommendation at 3 court hearings was indirect contact.

The kids had 2 short visits with my mum where they said they DID want to see me but SW didn't believe it.

Final court order in Sept was indirect with SW working with kids for 3 months to try and build bridges.

4 weeks later out of the blue SW suggested arranging a meeting with the kids and I at a local pub restaurant for last Monday.
It went brilliantly and the kids disclosed coercing and controlling behaviour at their mums and they'd wanted to see me all along. Thankfully SW was there to witness this. They are discussing a way forward at senior level but wanted to arrange a longer visit for tomorrow. Problem is that mum is not taking their calls or returning messages.

I'm concerned about the mental state of my kids and that their mum appears to have gone to ground.

Can anybody offer any advice please on the situation?

I am desperate to see them tomorrow as planned but also don't know how hard I should be pushing SW to get the kids returned to me asap. They hold all the powers now relating to amending the court order.


RE: Real quick advice required pl - MarkR - 11-11-2018

(11-11-2018, 07:53 PM)Dingle01902 Wrote: Brief background.
I've raised my kids alone for 9 years  now 9F and 11F  Mum had alternate weekends.  In Feb she refused to return them home and reported me to Police and Social Services for physical and mental abuse.

Police result was NFA but, as the kids kept saying to SW they didn't want to see me, the recommendation at 3 court hearings was indirect contact.  

The kids had 2 short visits with my mum where they said they DID want to see me but SW didn't believe it.

Final court order in Sept was indirect with SW working with kids for 3 months to try and build bridges.

4 weeks later out of the blue SW suggested arranging a meeting with the kids and I at a local pub restaurant for last Monday.
It went brilliantly and the kids disclosed coercing and controlling behaviour at their mums and they'd wanted to see me all along.  Thankfully SW was there to witness this.  They are discussing a way forward at senior level but wanted to arrange a longer visit for tomorrow.  Problem is that mum is not taking their calls or returning messages.  

I'm concerned about the mental state of my kids and that their mum appears to have gone to ground.

Can anybody offer any advice please on the situation?

I am desperate to see them tomorrow as planned but also don't know how hard I should be pushing SW to get the kids returned to me asap.  They hold all the powers now relating to amending the court order.

Is there a Cafcass Officer involved?


RE: Real quick advice required pl - Dingle01902 - 11-11-2018

No CAFCASS did a section 7 in April but deferred further work to Social Services.
Needless to say it's all crap. The Social Worker is now realising ive been telling the truth all along. Pity they decided to organise the contact AFTER the final court order was made.


RE: Real quick advice required pl - marwood - 11-11-2018

What sort of order is in place? Were SS a party to the proceedings, or was it just between you and M?


RE: Real quick advice required pl - Dingle01902 - 11-12-2018

SS were recommending no contact, period!
Judge made indirect contact order, with a family (something) order, meaning SS had to work with the family to promote 2 way indirect contact and reconnect the relationship.


RE: Real quick advice required pl - marwood - 11-12-2018

Do you have a solicitor/barrister or are you self-repping? You definitely need to get and keep SS on side. Have they said anything about supporting a new application?


RE: Real quick advice required pl - Dingle01902 - 11-12-2018

I had a solicitor but now essentially court is finished with however the order contains this:-

B28     Family Assistance Order 

            All persons named in the Order, and East Riding Children’s Services, having consented to a Family Assistance Order being made, East Riding Children’s Services must make an Officer available to advise, assist and befriend Mum and Dad and the children.  The following further directions apply:-

(i)         All persons to whom this Order is addressed must ensure that the Officer is informed of any change of address or contact details (including those of the children) and that the Officer is able to visit them.

(ii)        All persons to whom this Order is addressed must ensure that the Officer is available to see the children.

(iii)       The Officer must give advice and assistance as regards to establishing, maintaining and improving indirect contact and such other contact as the Officer may consider appropriate. 

(iv)       If the Officer is of the view that any Order relating to the living or contact arrangements for the children may need to be altered or discharged, the Officer must report to the Court accordingly.

So basically, iys up to the Social Worker to report to court if they are suitably motivated.


RE: Real quick advice required pl - marwood - 11-12-2018

It does rather sound like you're in the hands of SS here, although I don't have experience of dealing with them, so others may give a better answer than me.

Perhaps see how the situation tomorrow goes, and ask SS if they'd support an improvement of contact, based on what they'd witnessed, and if so, what needs to happen next?

Also might be worth having a quick chat with your sol for advice?

Remember to keep focussed on the long-term. Do your bit, and stay calm. Ultimately if a particular contact doesn't happen due to ex messing about, it's not the end of the world, even if it feels it at the time. The long-term goal is what matters, always be working towards that.


RE: Real quick advice required pl - warwickshire1 - 11-12-2018

is the social worker u met recently in pub/restaurant the same one that is doing family assistance order


RE: Real quick advice required pl - Dingle01902 - 11-13-2018

It is the same one but she leaves today for a new job!!
Ex refused contact yesterday. Says the kids don't want to see me, despite what my 'old' social worker witnessed.