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gay dads - Naive - 07-24-2019

I just thought Id post about this because its opened my eyes a little.
Ive always been pretty pissed off at the way the mums at the school gates treat me as a dad whos had to go to court for my child. The general idea that a dad cant be as good as a mother etc etc.
That was until I made friends with the gay fellas at my daughters school. Theyve adopted 3 young boys, ones a baby, and seriously I thought I had it hard. Im in this position because Ive made some bad decisions regarding who to have a kid with but these guys have done absolutely nothing wrong, in fact its incredible that theyve taken on these 3 children from horrendous backgrounds.
Theyve been telling me the trouble theyve had with the school, and that other parents have been openly hostile toward them. I struggle to believe what theyve been put through because of stigmas and antiquated societal beliefs.

Anyway, I thought Id post this because there are people out there that have it worse, and that clearly society still has a long way in accepting men as parents.


RE: gay dads - proud_dad - 07-24-2019

I get that now - the looks of disdain when I attend school events. It's as if I am a leper. Even other dads (who are in relationships) treat me differently.

Society stinks of hypocrisy.


RE: gay dads - Naive - 07-24-2019

It is weird, its either one end or the other. If Im playing in the park with my daughter or chasing each other through the shop people give that "ah arent you a good dad" attitude. That is until they find out Ive had to go to court, then it changes, like Im stepping into a parents realm and shouldnt be trusted to be a real parent.
It feels like Im only a parent as long as a woman has allowed it.

But like I say, these fellas get it far worse and I really feel for them. Theres a group of dads that get involved in school stuff, running the bbq at the summer fayre and DIY days fixing stuff at school etc. Its heart breaking to hear these guys say they dont want to due to join in because of the attitudes of the other parents [and yes the fathers too Im afraid]

Im gonna do my best to get them involved, I almost want someone to have a problem with it, Ive got some pent up anger that is just waiting for some ignorant bigot to say something stupid


RE: gay dads - Alibash - 07-25-2019

You're a good person Naive. Not many stick up for others...


RE: gay dads - Mr Sandman - 07-26-2019

Good on you Naïve. My ex wife has a gay cousin, he and his husband adopted 3 kids from rough backgrounds and they to had some grief. I personally must be quite blind to it, my daughter at 14 decided to live with me, making me a single dad, I've had a few overly-sympathetic people say how lovely it is, (it is) but I don't see other people's disapproval because I simply don't give a f*ck. I do tell some people what my ex-wife did and usually her fuck-up as a human being, allows me lots of space.

It is interesting in that my daughters school counsellor, asking why we had split up (and the reason for my daughter being so upset) and being told it was because mum had an affair, told my daughter 'your dad must have done something horrible to make her do that'... tells you a lot about how society tries to judge men....


RE: gay dads - Tigre - 07-26-2019

Well done naive for sticking up for others. It is easy to feel sorry for myself and forget that others have it worse. Good reminder to be grateful even when it feels impossible

Sandman I can't believe your daughters counsellor said that!!! She should be sacked! Completely unprofessional


RE: gay dads - Charlie7000 - 07-27-2019

Xxxxing feminist tripe from the counsellor! Assume your ex chose the counsellor who probably has "feminist" on her cv. Nothing against feminists until they start using it professionally and getting it wrong (ie biased). The whole social work model is feminist and based on "Mother knows best" - so they get a lot wrong. Any psychologist who has feminist in their list of professional attributes should be avoided (according to the author of "Say Goodbye to Crazy".

I can just imagine the whole - I'm a Mother, I'm better than a gay man - attitude! They should write to the LEA.


RE: gay dads - Chi21965 - 07-29-2019

Good thinking Naive. And well done for seeing things from someone else's perspective.

I'm kind of like Mr Sandman, I don't give a flying x what anyone has to say l, I know I was there at my kids birth, every day since (barring breaches in contact) and all the nights I put them to bed, walked them as babies etc etc.

You know the truth always comes out in the end and I guess my ex who is an exceptionally skillful and convincing liar has to have people say one thing to her face and believe another in their heads. After we split, her old ex took his (older) children child to go live with him. Despite a protracted court case, they still do. So, happy to live with their stepdad, but not their mother?! OK then!