Separated Dads
What to do - Printable Version

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What to do - Tom_W88 - 09-24-2019

Unsure if this is the right place but with it being residency thought id share.

Split with ex now for just over 2 years.

She was asked a few months to leave the old house by our old landlord (still don't know the full reason why he did)

Since May time, she's been living on the couch at her mums with my two kids, whilst the 2 step kids are living at another family members of hers a short drive away.

Added to that she's claiming housing but living at her mum's who also claims seperately. And yet also has her sister and brother (both who work) living in the same address.

if you add her siblings partners can be up to 10 people plus any pets staying in this 2 bed room flat.

She's told me she won't go private again, and is waiting for a council home.

Whilst all this is happening the kids are saying she wants to move away from the local area and to move to warrington, which i would hate to happen.

Just wondering is there anything i can do? its not fair a 6 and 4 year old are sleeping on a couch 4- 5 nights a week.

They had a relief over the summer holidays as she stayed at her new partners with the kids during the week and then I had them at weekend unless i booked time off with work.  

Whilst she's saving all this money for a council house, she could of gone private. We know this as she had admitted to viewing some places, but what she has done instead is she's bought 2 cars (one actually broke) she's paid for new tattoos and a holiday to go on with her new bloke.

meanwhile if it wasn't for me, the kids would be walking round in clothes with holes in and looking like scruffs.

is there anything i should do? or do i just bite my lip, just keep what i am doing?


RE: What to do - Charlie7000 - 09-24-2019

You could maybe start by writing her a fairly formal (but not unfriendly) email. This could be evidence later if needed. eg Dear Ex
Housing
Please can you let me know your plans for housing for you and the children. I realise it's a bit cramped for you and the children in your Mother's 2 bedroomed flat and wondered if the children should stay with me until you have another house sorted. I'm aware you said you don't want a private rental again and are waiting for a council place, but if that is going to take time then the children will need their own beds. What do you think?

Or - is she the type that would stop contact if you said that? I guess if you have concerns you could ask social services to get involved but I'm not sure they'd do much if she's living with her Mother.


RE: What to do - MarkR - 09-25-2019

(09-24-2019, 12:44 PM)Tom_W88 Wrote: Unsure if this is the right place but with it being residency thought id share.

Split with ex now for just over 2 years.

She was asked a few months to leave the old house by our old landlord (still don't know the full reason why he did)

Since May time, she's been living on the couch at her mums with my two kids, whilst the 2 step kids are living at another family members of hers a short drive away.

Added to that she's claiming housing but living at her mum's who also claims seperately.  And yet also has her sister and brother (both who work) living in the same address.

if you add her siblings partners can be up to 10 people plus any pets staying in this 2 bed room flat.

She's told me she won't go private again, and is waiting for a council home.

Whilst all this is happening the kids are saying she wants to move away from the local area and to move to warrington, which i would hate to happen.

Just wondering is there anything i can do? its not fair a 6 and 4 year old are sleeping on a couch 4- 5 nights a week.

They had a relief over the summer holidays as she stayed at her new partners with the kids during the week and then I had them at weekend unless i booked time off with work.  

Whilst she's saving all this money for a council house, she could of gone private.  We know this as she had admitted to viewing some places, but what she has done instead is she's bought 2 cars (one actually broke) she's paid for new tattoos and a holiday to go on with her new bloke.

meanwhile if it wasn't for me, the kids would be walking round in clothes with holes in and looking like scruffs.

is there anything i should do? or do i just bite my lip, just keep what i am doing?

The Housing Act of 1985 sets out the requrements for the number of people to live in a house. By live, this means 5 nights or more a week, and for periods over 28 days.

You need a room for every person or couple 16 or over. (There is a also a min room size for 2 people)
2 children of the same sex can share a room
2 children under 10 can share a room regardless of sex.
In some situations, a living room can be considered to be a bedroom.

You could report any breach of this to your Local Council, as its them who enforce it.
Her mother might also be breaking her contract by allowing overcrowding.

What is your housing situation? Under them rules, do you have room for the children to live with you?


RE: What to do - Tom_W88 - 09-25-2019

(09-24-2019, 11:56 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: You could maybe start by writing her a fairly formal (but not unfriendly) email.  This could be evidence later if needed. eg Dear Ex
Housing
Please can you let me know your plans for housing for you and the children.  I realise it's a bit cramped for you and the children in your Mother's 2 bedroomed flat and wondered if the children should stay with me until you have another house sorted.  I'm aware you said you don't want a private rental again and are waiting for a council place, but if that is going to take time then the children will need their own beds.  What do you think?

Or - is she the type that would stop contact if you said that?  I guess if you have concerns you could ask social services to get involved but I'm not sure they'd do much if she's living with her Mother.

At the moment last couple of months have been fine between us, well ever since this new partner of hers tried to put his foot in my door & try to tell me a load of lies.  

Was soon put in his place.

I reckon she would do this yeah, she's done this before to the other step kids father.  He didn't get chance to see his kids for the best part of a year, hence they have a love/hate relationship with him.

(09-25-2019, 06:12 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(09-24-2019, 12:44 PM)Tom_W88 Wrote: Unsure if this is the right place but with it being residency thought id share.

Split with ex now for just over 2 years.

She was asked a few months to leave the old house by our old landlord (still don't know the full reason why he did)

Since May time, she's been living on the couch at her mums with my two kids, whilst the 2 step kids are living at another family members of hers a short drive away.

Added to that she's claiming housing but living at her mum's who also claims seperately.  And yet also has her sister and brother (both who work) living in the same address.

if you add her siblings partners can be up to 10 people plus any pets staying in this 2 bed room flat.

She's told me she won't go private again, and is waiting for a council home.

Whilst all this is happening the kids are saying she wants to move away from the local area and to move to warrington, which i would hate to happen.

Just wondering is there anything i can do? its not fair a 6 and 4 year old are sleeping on a couch 4- 5 nights a week.

They had a relief over the summer holidays as she stayed at her new partners with the kids during the week and then I had them at weekend unless i booked time off with work.  

Whilst she's saving all this money for a council house, she could of gone private.  We know this as she had admitted to viewing some places, but what she has done instead is she's bought 2 cars (one actually broke) she's paid for new tattoos and a holiday to go on with her new bloke.

meanwhile if it wasn't for me, the kids would be walking round in clothes with holes in and looking like scruffs.

is there anything i should do? or do i just bite my lip, just keep what i am doing?

The Housing Act of 1985 sets out the requrements for the number of people to live in a house. By live, this means 5 nights or more a week, and for periods over 28 days.

You need a room for every person or couple 16 or over. (There is a also a min room size for 2 people)
2 children of the same sex can share a room
2 children under 10 can share a room regardless of sex.
In some situations, a living room can be considered to be a bedroom.

You could report any breach of this to your Local Council, as its them who enforce it.
Her mother might also be breaking her contract by allowing overcrowding.

What is your housing situation? Under them rules, do you have room for the children to live with you?

So currently her brother has a room on his own, unless his mrs & child stay over.  Her sister and mother share a room, and then unless her new partner stays over aswell its my ex plus two kids.

I believe the mother is already in trouble with the local housing association.  Late rent etc.

I have a two bedroom flat, so two rooms for the kids to stay in as il sleep on a put up bed in my living room.


RE: What to do - MarkR - 09-25-2019

(09-25-2019, 08:05 AM)Tom_W88 Wrote:
(09-24-2019, 11:56 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: You could maybe start by writing her a fairly formal (but not unfriendly) email.  This could be evidence later if needed. eg Dear Ex
Housing
Please can you let me know your plans for housing for you and the children.  I realise it's a bit cramped for you and the children in your Mother's 2 bedroomed flat and wondered if the children should stay with me until you have another house sorted.  I'm aware you said you don't want a private rental again and are waiting for a council place, but if that is going to take time then the children will need their own beds.  What do you think?

Or - is she the type that would stop contact if you said that?  I guess if you have concerns you could ask social services to get involved but I'm not sure they'd do much if she's living with her Mother.

At the moment last couple of months have been fine between us, well ever since this new partner of hers tried to put his foot in my door & try to tell me a load of lies.  

Was soon put in his place.

I reckon she would do this yeah, she's done this before to the other step kids father.  He didn't get chance to see his kids for the best part of a year, hence they have a love/hate relationship with him.

(09-25-2019, 06:12 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(09-24-2019, 12:44 PM)Tom_W88 Wrote: Unsure if this is the right place but with it being residency thought id share.

Split with ex now for just over 2 years.

She was asked a few months to leave the old house by our old landlord (still don't know the full reason why he did)

Since May time, she's been living on the couch at her mums with my two kids, whilst the 2 step kids are living at another family members of hers a short drive away.

Added to that she's claiming housing but living at her mum's who also claims seperately.  And yet also has her sister and brother (both who work) living in the same address.

if you add her siblings partners can be up to 10 people plus any pets staying in this 2 bed room flat.

She's told me she won't go private again, and is waiting for a council home.

Whilst all this is happening the kids are saying she wants to move away from the local area and to move to warrington, which i would hate to happen.

Just wondering is there anything i can do? its not fair a 6 and 4 year old are sleeping on a couch 4- 5 nights a week.

They had a relief over the summer holidays as she stayed at her new partners with the kids during the week and then I had them at weekend unless i booked time off with work.  

Whilst she's saving all this money for a council house, she could of gone private.  We know this as she had admitted to viewing some places, but what she has done instead is she's bought 2 cars (one actually broke) she's paid for new tattoos and a holiday to go on with her new bloke.

meanwhile if it wasn't for me, the kids would be walking round in clothes with holes in and looking like scruffs.

is there anything i should do? or do i just bite my lip, just keep what i am doing?

The Housing Act of 1985 sets out the requrements for the number of people to live in a house. By live, this means 5 nights or more a week, and for periods over 28 days.

You need a room for every person or couple 16 or over. (There is a also a min room size for 2 people)
2 children of the same sex can share a room
2 children under 10 can share a room regardless of sex.
In some situations, a living room can be considered to be a bedroom.

You could report any breach of this to your Local Council, as its them who enforce it.
Her mother might also be breaking her contract by allowing overcrowding.

What is your housing situation? Under them rules, do you have room for the children to live with you?

So currently her brother has a room on his own, unless his mrs & child stay over.  Her sister and mother share a room, and then unless her new partner stays over aswell its my ex plus two kids.

I believe the mother is already in trouble with the local housing association.  Late rent etc.

I have a two bedroom flat, so two rooms for the kids to stay in as il sleep on a put up bed in my living room.

Put in an urgent applicaiton to court, stating that due to the chilldren not residing with her, and not able to due to overcrowding, you would like an order made saying the children live with you.  State that until she has suiblable housing in place, your only willing for daytime contact to take place.


RE: What to do - Charlie7000 - 09-25-2019

I was wondering that too. Could you get a half hour's free legal advice?