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Why women divorce men
#13
(09-09-2018, 11:03 PM)watsa64 Wrote: IMHO, cheating is a form of abuse.
You should never blame yourself for the actions of a cheater.
Irrespective of each other's behaviour there are dignified ways of leaving a marriage and cheating isn't one of them.

I have been seeing a counsellor since the early days of my split and she said something very similar as well.  There are right ways to do things and wrong ways.

My ex partner played the affair down to such an extent that she's justified it in her mind and can hardly see why I'm so angry about it. Seriously, she knows what it did to me when I found out.  Yes, we'd split up by then but it all started a couple of months beforehand AND we were still living together and sleeping in the same bed.  She genuinely built up a whole load of anger for me, saying it wasn't fair that I blamed it all on her and that it was my fault too.  I'll never really come to terms with this aspect of it and just try to put it out of my mind for now.

Yet it goes on.  She now claims they have agreed to just be friends, having lied to me about it being over for a few weeks.  Whatever.  I found out about 7 weeks ago.  A few days later he dumped her.  But one of them - perhaps both - pursued the other and they remained in touch.  She went down to see him on Friday night - the eve of her birthday - and spent the evening with him. She stayed at a hotel, in spite of apparently being skint and not helping me one bit with the bills since we split.  She says he wasn't staying with her.  But she woke up on her birthday in that hotel, either with him or not, but certainly without her kids who she left at home with me.  And she came back on Saturday evening sporting a new expensive purse - something I never bought her or that she bought for herself because she said she hated at that stuff.  Last night she made some excuse about the dog looking like he wanted a shit and she went out to call him at about 10.30.

AND... she's still here!  She still hasn't moved out.  She still hasn't paid towards the house or her car.  She buys weed and carries on with her affair.  I can't throw her out - it's her house as well as mine.  I can't intimidate her - I could get thrown out.  I can't be an arsehole to her in front of the kids.  Getting on with her is better for the future and for everybody.  An ex boyfriend of hers who I know well once described her as being a c*** which blew my mind.  Now I understand!  I'm being walked all over but my hands are tied.  And she seemingly doesn't give a shit, though just a week ago was telling me she loved me so much she thought she might be making a huge mistake.  She's seeing a place today.  Fingers crossed for me, please.  All this idea that you can just leave someones bags packed on the driveway... it isn't a reality. I'm having to stand back and be treated like dirt in the interests of the kids and my future.  I  hate her.
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Messages In This Thread
Why women divorce men - by ohitsonlyme - 09-07-2018, 11:35 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Tamagoto - 09-07-2018, 11:37 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by BKCurran - 09-15-2018, 07:21 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Fatcat1980 - 09-07-2018, 11:48 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by marwood - 09-07-2018, 11:53 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Mr Sandman - 09-07-2018, 12:06 PM
RE: Why women divorce men - by ohitsonlyme - 09-08-2018, 01:56 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Living Bate - 09-08-2018, 07:13 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Fatcat1980 - 09-08-2018, 10:20 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by ohitsonlyme - 09-08-2018, 10:55 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Fatcat1980 - 09-08-2018, 10:58 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Jim - 09-09-2018, 05:48 PM
RE: Why women divorce men - by watsa64 - 09-09-2018, 11:03 PM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Fatcat1980 - 09-10-2018, 04:53 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Tamagoto - 09-10-2018, 05:19 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by ohitsonlyme - 09-10-2018, 05:26 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Tamagoto - 09-10-2018, 05:29 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Living Bate - 09-10-2018, 08:25 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Fatcat1980 - 09-10-2018, 08:32 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Living Bate - 09-10-2018, 08:46 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Fatcat1980 - 09-10-2018, 09:44 AM
RE: Why women divorce men - by nibbler - 09-10-2018, 12:11 PM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Living Bate - 09-10-2018, 12:31 PM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Tamagoto - 09-10-2018, 12:36 PM
RE: Why women divorce men - by Fatcat1980 - 09-10-2018, 01:35 PM
RE: Why women divorce men - by ohitsonlyme - 09-10-2018, 05:35 PM
RE: Why women divorce men - by ohitsonlyme - 09-15-2018, 12:31 PM

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