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1 Year on - 2 words to sum up the experience ....
......yes it could be easily those but they aren't  Big Grin

Exactly a year ago the ex and our son left the FMH - with no previous experience or knowledge of what or how to prepare both myself and our son for seperation - its been quite a year !

Allegation after allegation with a continual ramping up in severity from the ex in her not being able to distinguish the difference or accept its not about supposed rights of parents but what is in the best interests of children in spending time with both parents.
5 months of preparing for a C.A.O. with further accusations from first hearing to final hearing. Exhausting - mentally emotionally and physically - done for the love and bond of my son and a determination that he has a relationship with both parents not just his mother. Financially brutal as if no agreement can be made  - then it can only be resolved through the Family Court at stagering cost. Each week and month having to take on more and more personal insults and allegations - having to stay calm and not being reactive in reply. It tests to the limit just about every human sense that we are born with. A year in I would not wish the experience on anyone.

I still struggle to sum up the process so far and whilst no where near the finish as a further hearing to my application of a serious breach to the order made just 10 days after it was given ( in challenging a 'lives with mother' order and being awarded a 'lives with both parents' brought malice and spitefulness to a new 
level !! ). The experience not just of separation from an ex but more so of our childrennd not being in their daily lives together with a Family Law system which is underfunded, overwhelmed and certainly in no way consistent. The level of disparity of detail and judgements as shown in the posts on the forum is bewildering and yet we are supposed to find away through it - testing us to our limits and beyond.

Defined orders and holidays ... the level of minute detail to be understood and agreed, differing length of holidays between school areas , the mis interpretation that confuses even legal advisers, solicitors, barristers and Justices all written in different ways. When finally sealed in an order - reinterpreted as ex's see fit ! Surely a more regularised holiday bands and standardised wording could be introduced that would reduce some costs and later acrimony !

To all of the on going car crash which we find ourselves in, with continual needless hurt and pain and trying to sum it all up I come back to a visit to the Court last August. I asked for some information and a Court Usher kindly went to the office and came back with it. I thanked her and she looked at me smiled and simply said "Good luck". It stuck with me as given almost as advice that was really meant.

With family law solicitors, barristers, the whole court process, endless documenting of possible evidence, Cafcass, Social Services, The Police, Schools and G.P's all used to try and show a deficency or error to my parenting ability - usually with inflamatory and untrue allegations to which we have to be patient and calm about - it should be clear consistent and defining at major points in the process. To keep some semblance of sanity and the belief that we are doing the right thing in the right way the legal process is so unbalanced with so many grey areas is it really right that the best we can hope for as Dads within this system, is "Good Luck". 

For such important matters of the well being of our children, in the 21st century thats a sad reflection of what's required to an ambiguous process thats extreme in personal cost, both financially and emotionally.

Messages In This Thread
1 Year on - 2 words to sum up the experience .... - by High Peak - 04-30-2019, 07:07 PM

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