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ABUSE...hurts so much
#1
Its been quite a while since I last posted and that is because sometimes (like today) I feel so negative about our situation.  And so worried about my son's mental and physical health.  I don't know how much longer he or we can put up with this abuse of us and our granddaughter.
We did find a solicitor who was very forthright about the fact that we had left it very late to instigate Court (finances do come into play here but maybe she never thought about that!).  She was right though..."A "(grandaughter) is now nearly 5 years old and fully coached and coerced, I call it brainwashed.   
He was told by ex he could have A stay overnight (one night only) from february this year but that has not worked out because A is frightened of the monsters in the house or the man who can break through the front door. No prizes for guessing where that originates.  And she has been coached to "love love love mummy", "want, want, want mummy" (massively obvious) which creates separation anxiety.
My son has tried so hard to settle her down at night but A does not have a routine at home, she stays up late and has always (still does) shared mummys bed.  A is fine on the day he gets her, she adores her daddy who plays with her lots and takes her to nice places like the zoo, but come the evening when its time for bed, she cries for mummy.  By the early hours my son is exhausted and takes her home.  Last week he persevered and  she cried and cried but went to sleep at 4am. Great in the morning, loved being there for breakfast.  Because she stayed, he has been "punished"....ex has various methods of getting to my son in the worst possible ways.  
I am not allowed to have her overnight..A herself has told me mummy said so.  She also keeps saying she has secrets..one confused little girl.  She says things but we never question her..she gets enough interrogation once she gets back to her mother.
So, why have we not instigated Court, you may ask?    We have done the c100 form and part done the other (the abuse form) but abuse is deadly.
He has had 5.5 years of abuse when he was with her, dreadful things went on behind closed doors but she is careful to appear sweet and charming to the outside world.  They may have split up when A was 3 months old (with the help of the police) but the abuse is ongoing.  This woman is in a class of her own with her poisonous ways and she gets enjoyment from controlling this awful situation.  The effect on my son is that he lives in a highly stressful state, sometimes depressed, often angry, lonely, despairing, tearful.  Strong enough for the Court procedure...no.   Am I?  No. And my husband is battling cancer. 
Is there any help out there?   Well, I have looked everywhere and there seems not.  In fact we would come across as the "loony" pair if we opened up to the authorities...ex is very convincing as an actress ..and we fear we would lose this battle.  certainly I cannot talk to anyone about what is happening, pointless as no friends understand..just think its a domestic.  One said "oh, you do see your granddaughter..some people dont even get that".  "or he should man up" (never been as keen on that friend since! )  We used to be a normal happy family but now are one that is desperately sad and fearful for the future. 
A starts school soon and then there will be another battle to get access.   He is not allowed to take her on holiday and today has been a bad day for my son because he sees all these families with their children and his friends taking their little ones on holiday.  He feels, quite rightly, that he is just a glorified babysitter on the 2 days he has her whilst ex works. She rings up constantly to fnd out where A is, what she is doing, who she is with and then raps orders to my son.. the control is immense but you have to understand that he is not the confident young man he once was..he is broken and she enjoys what she is doing, creating fear and immense pain.  When he plucked up courage to ask when he will be able to see A once school starts, she says she is not discussing that.  When he goes to collect A for the day, ex keeps him waiting in the car for 10-15 minutes. Control.
We will go to Court..its the only option but god knows what the result will be. I cannot feel confident. CAFCAS will think we are nuts rather than emotionally messed up (probably both).  As I type this, I am tearful. This morning my son cried.
Sorry I have gone on and on but thank you for reading this. It helps me to take the cork out of the bottle (thats my made up saying!). x
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Messages In This Thread
ABUSE...hurts so much - by grandma - 08-12-2019, 01:22 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by Kate - 08-12-2019, 03:03 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by Hazy - 08-12-2019, 07:45 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by grandma - 08-13-2019, 10:46 AM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by grandma - 08-13-2019, 05:39 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by Charlie7000 - 08-14-2019, 12:11 AM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by grandma - 08-18-2019, 06:37 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by warwickshire1 - 08-18-2019, 08:32 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by grandma - 08-20-2019, 10:13 AM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by Tigre - 08-20-2019, 11:57 AM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by Charlie7000 - 08-21-2019, 05:27 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by Tigre - 08-23-2019, 10:06 AM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by Astroman - 08-23-2019, 11:46 AM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by grandma - 08-24-2019, 07:47 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by Kate - 08-24-2019, 09:22 PM
RE: ABUSE...hurts so much - by grandma - 08-28-2019, 11:16 AM



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