Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Partner walked out and is denying access
#1
I was in a very happy relationship, not married but been together for nigh on eight years. We have three beautiful children, a boy of four and a half, a girl of two and a half and a new born boy of just over a month. In the eight years, we have never had cross words nor even a raised voice. I am on the birth certs so have shared parental rights. At the start of June, we were in good spirits, we had a new baby on the way, we were in the throes of buying a new house but the only fly in the ointment was that I had been diagnosed with bowl cancer and was about to have surgery.

Through two sets of complications, a single operation and hospital stay of five days turned into two operations and an abscess resulting in nearly five weeks of hospital. On the very day I was finally discharged, reasonably well but very weak and short of 14Kg lost in virtually the same number of days, I arrived home to only my partner. When I asked where the children were, I was told that they were at my partner's mother and that my partner was going there as she was leaving me. At this time she was seven and a half months pregnant and to this day, never given me an explanation as to why she has taken this course of action. I swear to you that there is no undisclosed underlying tarnish to our relationship. I am completely dumbfounded and in the dark.

After she walked out, she stayed in a hotel for about ten days before being given temporary accommodation by the council. She has been there ever since. During the first six weeks, she let (the operative word being "let") me see our children for no more than six hours and refused to tell me where they were living. I of course took legal advice, only to be told that there is nothing I could do about it as all the cards were in her hand and the only recourse I have is to raise a court action. This is still the case today, four months later. I have seen my new born son for one hour since he was born on the 11th of Sept. To say that I'm distraught is an understatement.

I have sought legal advice and she has had two solicitor's letters now clarifying my access rights and needs as a loving and fully engaged father, the latter stating that if she doesn't allow reasonable contact, including me being able to talk to them and say night-night each day, she will face court action. So far she has ignored both letters and for the most part, me also. I have had intermittent contact, usually a couple of hours on a Wed and an overnight on Fri and up util bedtime on Sat but it is intermittent because as soon as she finds an excuse (like receipt of the second letter) she denies contact. Everyone I talk to, from friends and family, work peers and other professionals such as my GP, nurses and solicitor of course, deplores her use of denied access as currency or what appears to be punishment. She has also refused to enter into any form of mediation. Any advice gratefully received.
Reply
#2
Hi,

Sounds like an awful situation. I, personally, think you have waited long enough. Apply through courts and get the ball rolling. The longer it is left the more weight there would be to you being introduced back in slowly.
Reply
#3
Yes, this does sound like a very awful situation, and you have my deepest sympathy.

No words I can say right now that will improve things.

Just stay strong, and don't be afraid to reach out to people for help. Don't think too far into the future, and just take each day as it comes.
Reply
#4
Firstly mate, that is tough and goes without saying that positive thoughts with you for your own battle and the one to see your kids

I'm going to spin this...

Massive sorry you are not going to like it but i want you to consider all your options and in this case there seems very little logic by her

Are you on birth certificate of the baby?
Are you sure its yours?

Really sorry to ask that but her actions make no sense and maybe "running away" without giving you a reason is easier for her than facing up to her responsibilities.
You're going to have to be sensitive if you approach that subject with her. She seems to be in a lost place.

Sorry again - i totally hope that is not the reason but you need to cover all your bases.

Progress the court option - its on your side... she cant do what she is doing, but she obviously needs some help to overcome the issues she has and the choices she is making

Good luck and let us know how you get on
Reply
#5
Just a thought...is a health visitor involved since the new born? Perhaps having a word with the health visitor may help?
Reply
#6
(10-17-2016, 10:28 AM)nilbo Wrote: Hi,

Sounds like an awful situation. I, personally, think you have waited long enough. Apply through courts and get the ball rolling. The longer it is left the more weight there would be to you being introduced back in slowly.

Yes, I think that is my only option. I guess I've been reluctant because I know that it will burn bridges - probably for good - and I'm hoping that she'll see what a terrible thing she has done to me and our children. 

As I've pointed out in another post, she has gone to the CSA and if I pay (or have arrested at source) what they have determined, it will leave me with little disposable income to pay the many thousands it will cost to take her to court. I just feel totally hamstrung. She seems to have been handed the full deck and even if I do pay for court action, she'll be give legal aid to fight me. Such an unlevel playing field!

(10-17-2016, 12:48 PM)nilbo Wrote: Just a thought...is a health visitor involved since the new born? Perhaps having a word with the health visitor may help?

Thank you. Good point, well made.

(10-17-2016, 12:27 PM)LTCDAD Wrote: Firstly mate, that is tough and goes without saying that positive thoughts with you for your own battle and the one to see your kids

I'm going to spin this...

Massive sorry you are not going to like it but i want you to consider all your options and in this case there seems very little logic by her

Are you on birth certificate of the baby?
Are you sure its yours?

Really sorry to ask that but her actions make no sense and maybe "running away" without giving you a reason is easier for her than facing up to her responsibilities.
You're going to have to be sensitive if you approach that subject with her. She seems to be in a lost place.

Sorry again - i totally hope that is not the reason but you need to cover all your bases.

Progress the court option - its on your side... she cant do what she is doing, but she obviously needs some help to overcome the issues she has and the choices she is making

Good luck and let us know how you get on

Yes, I said that I'm on all three birth certs. Obviously it has crossed my mind that she may be thinking the grass is greener - particularly if she thinks I'm now "flawed" through cancer.
Reply
#7
Hi,

if money is an issue you can self represent. I believe many have done it on here and have been successful.

In hindsight, I would have self-represented. I probably will do in future.

Why don't you try writing to her one last time and ask to resolve things amicably and that if she refuses that you will be forced to apply through the courts so that your child can have a loving relationship with both parents which it is entitled to?
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Partner with access issues, please help foofighters72 2 3,518 02-28-2019, 07:13 PM
Last Post: MarkR
  Advice Needed Please - Partner is being denied access to their child foofighters72 2 3,525 01-05-2019, 09:08 PM
Last Post: grandma
  Ex walked away with our daughter Dazio 0 1,627 09-18-2017, 04:44 PM
Last Post: Dazio
  Ex denying me access to video calls Froggy 8 10,316 05-26-2017, 08:43 AM
Last Post: Froggy
  refused access because of a new partner Rickefc25 6 10,564 07-25-2016, 08:58 PM
Last Post: Rickefc25



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)