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New to this.. need advice please.
#1
Hi, i would appreciate some guidance please.
 
My wife and I separated quite amicably in September but very suddenly things deteriorated rapidly from there to January when she met someone else and left with my daughter to live with him at a location over 200 miles away whilst I was at work.
 
I am filing for divorce and she has it seems cooperated so far in that regard. However, my daughter despite talking to me briefly via text ac couple of weeks ago is not responding to me . (her communications were sharp and cold.)
 
My wife maintains that I committed  financial abuse (not domestic violence) against her and generally bullied her and my daughter, which is enough for the authorities ,who are housing her.  None of her accusations  are founded or even remotely true. (I don’t even know what they are specifically.)
 
Anyway, all attempts at seeing my daughter have gone nowhere as my wife is maintaining that my daughter is not interested in seeing me. This is heart-breaking and I really need to see her given that I have been with her every day since birth. I know my wife is encouraging her directly or indirectly not to communicate with me so she is unlikely to ever agree to see me. How would anyone suggest I proceed?
 
Like I say I have begun divorce proceedings , but I don’t want to have to wait months more to resolve this.
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#2
Hi Bobby 74 and welcome to the site. This is not an uncommon problem, but one that can be as you say 'heart-breaking' to experience. You don't say how old your daughter is (after 10 their opinions will be taken on board by Cafcass and the courts, if it gets that far). As you have Parental Responsibility your ex-wife should have also asked your consent regarding moving away, so this is something you can bring up if you take this matter further. I can only advise if your daughter refuses to see or speak with you and you cannot ascertain her reasons for not wishing to see you then in the first instance you suggest Mediation to your ex as a way of trying to resolve the matter - please see Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? http://www.separateddads.co.uk/mediation...or-me.html. If your ex refuses, then you would have to apply to the courts for a c100 contact order. Please also see link: Ex Partners and Parental Alienation Syndrome, which may or may not apply to your situation; http://www.separateddads.co.uk/ex-partne...drome.html. If it can be proven that a parent had used PAS, there will be legal repercussions. However, in practice, establishing that can very difficult. We at Separated Dads are in the process of getting a petition together to present to Parliament in order for PAS to be properly recognised and punishable through the courts - but while it is recognised currently, getting the court to act upon it is difficult. Your main priority is to see your daughter and try to understand what is going on without putting her under pressure as this may have an adverse effect. Read all you can around the subject via Separated Dads and hopefully you will have enough information to be able to move forward in trying to put the wheels in motion and begin re-build a loving relationship with your daughter.
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#3
Thank you very much for your advise. I don't want to force things but relying on my daughter to see through the cloud of propaganda my wife has created is not very realistic. Mediation maybe the way.
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#4
I hope you manage to sort the issue out - please keep us posted. A kind letter or email to your daughter may also be a way to begin communications (if your ex will allow her to read it). Hopefully, being continually supportive and encouraging will help reinforce the father/daughter relationship. Just make sure you steer away from any blame, or put any pressure on your daughter. It may be slow progress but hopefully your daughter will come around, especially as you have been there for her since birth. Sometime a child may feel the pressure from the other parent to conform to their wishes, but if you have previously had a close and loving relationship with your daughter, then these are the foundations that will help carry it through.
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#5
Thank you for your advise , but as it stands she will not even communicate with me. Can I make her see me via the courts as she is 12? I know that maybe inadvisable but as it stands she will never see me if left to her and my ex.
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#6
Kindly stay positive. Surely, a kind letter or email to your daughter can help to begin communication. I think she may started feeling difficulty with the new parent. So don't be late to support or encourage your daughter.
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#7
hi guys

I have been emailing, texting for months and I have made no progress. whenever I ask to see her via my ex I just get a "she does not want to see you."

I am out of options. Can I make her see me legally?  I appreciate this is drastic but I will never be able to break down the wall of lies unless I can communicate with her. My ex of course realises this this is why she is so difficult.  

Please help.
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#8
Hi Bobby,

It seems strange that things have deteriorated so rapidly in the space of a few months. I think the longer you leave it the harder it is going to become. I would inform your wife that you are applying through the courts to see your daughter.

I'm not sure what others think but if it were me i would contact Social Services and inform them of the situation. Tell them suddenly you are being informed by your daughter that she no longer wishes to see you all out of the blue which coincides with when she moved away with her new partner and not informing you.
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#9
(10-12-2016, 01:02 PM)nilbo Wrote: Hi Bobby,

It seems strange that things have deteriorated so rapidly in the space of a few months. I think the longer you leave it the harder it is going to become. I would inform your wife that you are applying through the courts to see your daughter.

I'm not sure what others think but if it were me i would contact Social Services and inform them of the situation. Tell them suddenly you are being informed by your daughter that she no longer wishes to see you all out of the blue which coincides with when she moved away with her new partner and not informing you.

it is a long story but it has got worse and every attempt I make back fires. The question is, can the courts make her see me? as I was under the impression that at the age of 11 onwards the child is left to make the decision which in this instance will be a no as she will not go against her mother's wishes.
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#10
(10-12-2016, 03:31 PM)Bobby74 Wrote:
(10-12-2016, 01:02 PM)nilbo Wrote: Hi Bobby,

It seems strange that things have deteriorated so rapidly in the space of a few months. I think the longer you leave it the harder it is going to become. I would inform your wife that you are applying through the courts to see your daughter.

I'm not sure what others think but if it were me i would contact Social Services and inform them of the situation. Tell them suddenly you are being informed by your daughter that she no longer wishes to see you all out of the blue which coincides with when she moved away with her new partner and not informing you.

it is a long story but it has got worse and every attempt I make back fires. The question is, can the courts make her see me? as I was under the impression that at the age of 11 onwards the child is left to make the decision which in this instance will be a no as she will not go against her mother's wishes.

"Wishes and Desires" do come into this, but that process will involve the child being spoken to by Cafcass or Social Services without either parent present (normally at school). However, if you can show that contact has been going on for a while, and she "has been influenced" then a Judge will also take a view on it. The Child has a right to spend "quality" time with both parents, unless there is good reason (normally child welfare/protection) and you have responsibility's, what you need to inform the court you want to carry out.
If you ex asks for extra money due to staying contact changing (or you get any Communication from CMS about it), then bring this up as part of the process. There is a Financial Incentive to keep contact as low as they can, as it means you pay more.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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