Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Advice please
#1
Hi All,

I'm new here so please be gentle!

My partner and I have split up and I have no idea where I stand on an issue. My child was born 7 months ago but his Mother has left me to move back with family living roughly 200 miles away. I must stress at this point that I haven't done anything wrong, I'm not violent or abusive and I've always provided for my ex-partner and my child.

The difficulty that I'm facing now is access to my child. It's a very long round trip which can take up to 4.5 hours each way and to add to this my ex-partner is now saying that she's not happy with me taking our child overnight because she claims the little one wont settle with anyone other than her. The added expense of the travel is also an issue for me.

Can anyone advise where I might stand on this one?

Many Thanks
Reply
#2
(04-12-2016, 10:31 AM)Confused Wrote: Hi All,

I'm new here so please be gentle!

My partner and I have split up and I have no idea where I stand on an issue. My child was born 7 months ago but his Mother has left me to move back with family living roughly 200 miles away. I must stress at this point that I haven't done anything wrong, I'm not violent or abusive and I've always provided for my ex-partner and my child.

The difficulty that I'm facing now is access to my child. It's a very long round trip which can take up to 4.5 hours each way and to add to this my ex-partner is now saying that she's not happy with me taking our child overnight because she claims the little one wont settle with anyone other than her. The added expense of the travel is also an issue for me.

Can anyone advise where I might stand on this one?

Many Thanks
my advice would be if possible to consider moving much closer.if you have to go to court to resolve this issue then that is a obvious issue you could do with removing from the situation,may well be easier said than done though
Reply
#3
Hi Confused, and welcome.

Having a very young child overnight is always a contentious issue, especially with a mum who is naturally very protective over her young. As Graham has suggested above, the only real options at the moment would be to move closer and hopefully gain some daytime contact so that you can build up trust between you and mum. This can then be built up on over time so that eventually you'll be able to have your little un overnight.

To put it into perspective, if this issue comes up in court, overnight contact is usually a common thing once the child reaches the age of about two. Not because dads can't do it, but just they err on the side of caution at such a young age.
Reply
#4
Thanks for the replies Guys.
I was hoping that there might be something a little more positive but I guess us Dads just have to deal with the pain despite doing nothing wrong. The sad part about this is that my child wont be able to see their elderly Grandparent who can't be travelling 400 miles for a couple of hours contact. The same goes for little ones cousins.
Reply
#5
Well there is something positive in your situation, though appreciate you may not see it that way.

At least you are still managing meaningful dialogue with your ex, many NRP's struggle to do that through no fault of their own.

Funnily enough my ex still won't talk to me after 6 years (Mind you I consider that a bonus Smile )
Reply
#6
Haha thanks for providing a small amount of humour in what is a pretty dark time for me.
If I'm honest the only reason that communication channels are still open at this stage is due to her wanting all of the possessions from the house. History tells me that things will get nasty again very soon.
Reply
#7
At the moment your biggest problem seems to be the distance involved, as you're 4.5 hours away being able to maintain regular contact will become expensive, and you'll be at the mercy of the ex. For example, you make arrangements, then once you get there you find she's gone out for the day, you've got no contact and spent what little you had getting there so can't afford to get back up again for a while. Your ex will know the difficulties you face with travel costs and can soon engineer you out of your little one's life if that's how she wants to play it.

We'd all want parents to put their differences aside and behave properly for the sake of the kids, but sadly it happens far too rarely.

You do have avenues via the usual route of chat/letters/mediation/court, but it still doesn't get you over the biggest hurdles....distance and cost.
Reply
#8
Yes, my ex has a history of being very devious, manipulative and mentally abusive when she doesn't get her own way and this is the only way that she can really hurt me badly right now. It's so sad because my little one deserves better than this.
I can only hope that given a bit more time she comes around and we both get the opportunity to be proper parents. I hate this situation but it doesn't seem as if there's a lot that I can do about it right now.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)