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6 Long months
#1
Hello to all that are enduring all this lost time with their little ones

I recently became a dad this year on the 7th of march, it was honestly the most amazing experience ever.

Things seemed to be going fine and i had a little family of my own which i adored, a few weeks on however things started to change, my now ex partner's mother started making accusations that i was trying to push her out of our daughters life and that i was doing sly things ect, it honestly hurt that someone would say such things, my partner at the time seemed to under stand and explained that her mum was just overly sensitive and that her mental health issues made her thing like that, unfortunately this didn't last for long as she seemed to expect me to apologise to her, i refused as i felt doing this would just make matters worse,  to which i received some utterly vile text's from her mother, the next few weeks just got worse and worse as my partner was going round her mothers with our daughter and leaving me sat alone in our flat as her mother didn't want to see me, i can honestly say i have never felt so heart broken missing out on time with my partner and our daughter, the end result was that she moved back in with her mother and treated me like i was nothing to her, eventually we had to clear out our flat, so on the thursday i tried talking to her as i felt the dramatic change in her personality wasn't right ( she had always been so happy about us having a child together and spending the rest of our lives together and was always so loving ) i done so much reading up on post natal depression as it all seemed to kinda  you know fit  with what had happened, that how ever did not go down well, she left saying she hated me and didn't love me, the next day we went back there to finish sorting out the last bits, which reduced me to tears as my whole world was falling apart as i was not seeing her every day nor my daughter, she seemed to show some sign of guilt as she admitted she didn't know why she said it, that evening she turnt up at my mum and stepdads house in tears as i had told them everything that had been going on and said they might not want to see her due to this all, we spoke and had a good long chat about sorting our relationship out so i felt positive that things might sort them self's out, how ever saturday night i received a message saying not to worry about going round as she had made other arrangements, when i tried to call her the next day nothing... she blocked all point of contact and believe me i tried everything, i could not just go round there as her mother would be hurling abuse at me and i'd be putting my daughter in the middle of an argument and i did not want that.

i tried sorting this via mediation but that basically got nowhere and i was being told i could only see my daughter in a contact centre as she was worried of kidnapping, this just shook me to the core as i couldn't believe what i was hearing... but this didn't seem to happen and eventually we where going back to discuss furniture which i found was ridiculous ... so now i am currently waiting on a final court hearing, i have not had any pictures of my little girl or anything on how she's developing ect, i feel like i've been robbed of fatherhood and its just so hard to deal with, i have a very supportive family that have been helping me through out this ordeal and for that i am truly thankful.

My daughter is now 8 months old, I miss her every day and just want what any father should have, i am fearful as from what i have read it looks like i'll only be able to see her 6 hours or so a few times a week, i don't understand how you are supposed to build a bond with your child in such little time as in my opinion you would still just be a stranger to them or at best a relative they barely know, don't get me wrong i will treasure every second i get with her it just doesn't seem right.

Anyway sorry for the long post this has all just been so hard to deal with and any advise would be appreciated.
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#2
Hold strong, I won't try and pretend I understand your situation as my son is 5 next month and we have just got to separation, but I will say that use these 6 hours a week, at this age they don't really relate to much p, you will become a constant part of her life that you can build on in the future, just focus on that for now.
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#3
(11-03-2016, 07:12 PM)Rapala167 Wrote: Hello to all that are enduring all this lost time with their little ones

I recently became a dad this year on the 7th of march, it was honestly the most amazing experience ever.

Things seemed to be going fine and i had a little family of my own which i adored, a few weeks on however things started to change, my now ex partner's mother started making accusations that i was trying to push her out of our daughters life and that i was doing sly things ect, it honestly hurt that someone would say such things, my partner at the time seemed to under stand and explained that her mum was just overly sensitive and that her mental health issues made her thing like that, unfortunately this didn't last for long as she seemed to expect me to apologise to her, i refused as i felt doing this would just make matters worse,  to which i received some utterly vile text's from her mother, the next few weeks just got worse and worse as my partner was going round her mothers with our daughter and leaving me sat alone in our flat as her mother didn't want to see me, i can honestly say i have never felt so heart broken missing out on time with my partner and our daughter, the end result was that she moved back in with her mother and treated me like i was nothing to her, eventually we had to clear out our flat, so on the thursday i tried talking to her as i felt the dramatic change in her personality wasn't right ( she had always been so happy about us having a child together and spending the rest of our lives together and was always so loving ) i done so much reading up on post natal depression as it all seemed to kinda  you know fit  with what had happened, that how ever did not go down well, she left saying she hated me and didn't love me, the next day we went back there to finish sorting out the last bits, which reduced me to tears as my whole world was falling apart as i was not seeing her every day nor my daughter, she seemed to show some sign of guilt as she admitted she didn't know why she said it, that evening she turnt up at my mum and stepdads house in tears as i had told them everything that had been going on and said they might not want to see her due to this all, we spoke and had a good long chat about sorting our relationship out so i felt positive that things might sort them self's out, how ever saturday night i received a message saying not to worry about going round as she had made other arrangements, when i tried to call her the next day nothing... she blocked all point of contact and believe me i tried everything, i could not just go round there as her mother would be hurling abuse at me and i'd be putting my daughter in the middle of an argument and i did not want that.

i tried sorting this via mediation but that basically got nowhere and i was being told i could only see my daughter in a contact centre as she was worried of kidnapping, this just shook me to the core as i couldn't believe what i was hearing... but this didn't seem to happen and eventually we where going back to discuss furniture which i found was ridiculous ... so now i am currently waiting on a final court hearing, i have not had any pictures of my little girl or anything on how she's developing ect, i feel like i've been robbed of fatherhood and its just so hard to deal with, i have a very supportive family that have been helping me through out this ordeal and for that i am truly thankful.

My daughter is now 8 months old, I miss her every day and just want what any father should have, i am fearful as from what i have read it looks like i'll only be able to see her 6 hours or so a few times a week, i don't understand how you are supposed to build a bond with your child in such little time as in my opinion you would still just be a stranger to them or at best a relative they barely know, don't get me wrong i will treasure every second i get with her it just doesn't seem right.

Anyway sorry for the long post this has all just been so hard to deal with and any advise would be appreciated.

This contact until 2 is down to the Government not wanting people to use Formula Milk, unless there is a medical need.

The 4-6 hours over 1 or 2 days is the minimum you would get. No case is ever the same.

Its your availability, and to some extent how much cooperation you will get from the ex.

In law assumptions are made that a child needs "quality time" with both parents, unless there is Child Protection/Welfare Issues.

The Child's "wishes and desires" can also come into things, from 10 in England, N. Ireland and Wales, 12 in Scotland.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#4
(11-03-2016, 07:35 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(11-03-2016, 07:12 PM)Rapala167 Wrote: Hello to all that are enduring all this lost time with their little ones

I recently became a dad this year on the 7th of march, it was honestly the most amazing experience ever.

Things seemed to be going fine and i had a little family of my own which i adored, a few weeks on however things started to change, my now ex partner's mother started making accusations that i was trying to push her out of our daughters life and that i was doing sly things ect, it honestly hurt that someone would say such things, my partner at the time seemed to under stand and explained that her mum was just overly sensitive and that her mental health issues made her thing like that, unfortunately this didn't last for long as she seemed to expect me to apologise to her, i refused as i felt doing this would just make matters worse,  to which i received some utterly vile text's from her mother, the next few weeks just got worse and worse as my partner was going round her mothers with our daughter and leaving me sat alone in our flat as her mother didn't want to see me, i can honestly say i have never felt so heart broken missing out on time with my partner and our daughter, the end result was that she moved back in with her mother and treated me like i was nothing to her, eventually we had to clear out our flat, so on the thursday i tried talking to her as i felt the dramatic change in her personality wasn't right ( she had always been so happy about us having a child together and spending the rest of our lives together and was always so loving ) i done so much reading up on post natal depression as it all seemed to kinda  you know fit  with what had happened, that how ever did not go down well, she left saying she hated me and didn't love me, the next day we went back there to finish sorting out the last bits, which reduced me to tears as my whole world was falling apart as i was not seeing her every day nor my daughter, she seemed to show some sign of guilt as she admitted she didn't know why she said it, that evening she turnt up at my mum and stepdads house in tears as i had told them everything that had been going on and said they might not want to see her due to this all, we spoke and had a good long chat about sorting our relationship out so i felt positive that things might sort them self's out, how ever saturday night i received a message saying not to worry about going round as she had made other arrangements, when i tried to call her the next day nothing... she blocked all point of contact and believe me i tried everything, i could not just go round there as her mother would be hurling abuse at me and i'd be putting my daughter in the middle of an argument and i did not want that.

i tried sorting this via mediation but that basically got nowhere and i was being told i could only see my daughter in a contact centre as she was worried of kidnapping, this just shook me to the core as i couldn't believe what i was hearing... but this didn't seem to happen and eventually we where going back to discuss furniture which i found was ridiculous ... so now i am currently waiting on a final court hearing, i have not had any pictures of my little girl or anything on how she's developing ect, i feel like i've been robbed of fatherhood and its just so hard to deal with, i have a very supportive family that have been helping me through out this ordeal and for that i am truly thankful.

My daughter is now 8 months old, I miss her every day and just want what any father should have, i am fearful as from what i have read it looks like i'll only be able to see her 6 hours or so a few times a week, i don't understand how you are supposed to build a bond with your child in such little time as in my opinion you would still just be a stranger to them or at best a relative they barely know, don't get me wrong i will treasure every second i get with her it just doesn't seem right.

Anyway sorry for the long post this has all just been so hard to deal with and any advise would be appreciated.

This contact until 2 is down to the Government not wanting people to use Formula Milk, unless there is a medical need.

The 4-6 hours over 1 or 2 days is the minimum you would get. No case is ever the same.

Its your availability, and to some extent how much cooperation you will get from the ex.

In law assumptions are made that a child needs "quality time" with both parents, unless there is Child Protection/Welfare Issues.

The Child's "wishes and desires" can also come into things, from 10 in England, N. Ireland and Wales, 12 in Scotland.

Well our daughter was fed from 1 week old on formula due to my ex's health, she has cystic fibrosis and because of her medication ivcafitor i think that's how its spelt... they recommended not to brest feed while taking that, as my ex's health had deteriorated at the last few months of her pregnancy we decided it was best for her to go back on her medication as soon as possible.

i work 30 hours a week with overtime as and when my work need it i chose the hours to be able to help out as much as i could with little one so my ex could get as much rest as possible, so i can be flexible but i highly doubt my ex will be as cooperative due to the fact is has gone this far and i've not seen our daughter, plus the fact shes made alot of allegations which cafcass looked into and found no cause for concern.

(11-03-2016, 07:29 PM)CheshireDivorced Wrote: Hold strong, I won't try and pretend I understand your situation as my son is 5 next month and we have just got to separation, but I will say that use these 6 hours a week, at this age they don't really relate to much p, you will become a constant part of her life that you can build on in the future, just focus on that for now.

I have been trying every day and i will keep on doing so, it's been horrible to say the least and at times i've felt so low that i just didn't want to be alive anymore but i could never do that to my daughter, i will cherish all the time i get with her no matter how little i feel it is, but thank you it means alot.
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#5
The thing is, little and often means a lot more to your daughter than you realise, ijust remember that and stay strong
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