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Your worst nightmare 10 month old
Hi all

For the second time (never getting attached again!) I'm about to lose my daughter of 10 months to my (now) ex partner of almost three years. Now I knew she had mental issues when I got with her (commitment phobia among other things) so I guess its no surprise that she's buggered off to her mums after withholding affection & intimacy I got rather drunk after trying to talk & sort it out on multiple occasions and just being ignored. Now she is breastfeeding which basically means she has had zero libido for 9 months (not to mention prior to giving birth).

So long story short. I got with her she was being bullied at work so I told her to leave after six months with her. Since then she's not worked a day in the almost three years we've been together. She's had everything. I mean literally everything. I even moved cities so she could be near her friends to get some support. Then the other day after a drinking session (the second one of me being totally frustrated and rejected) I fell over some stuff in our kitchen and ended up in my drunken state kicking a dismantled swing and cracking a bowl (left in its place). She (being a commitment phobe) took this opportunity to use the excuse of "I don't want our daughter in that atmosphere" and has buggered off to her mums which is 52 miles away one way!

At first she seemed reasonable. For the last two weeks I've seen her quite a bit. I've seen her every weekend and once on a Wednesday. Going from every day to this is bad but bearable. Now. She's recently started getting greedy money wise although proclaiming "she's not like that" my god women are unbelievable. So instead of coming to me and talking she's gone straight to the CSA. Now you don't need to tell me how shockingly crap they are. I rang them ages ago to tell them I'd had another baby and they basically said I'd not. Really? This organisation needs to be disbanded and couples need to be forced to sit down and work out reasonable costs. None of this percentage stuff. Why should my ex's who (lets be honest) haven't got the staying power to actually try at a relationship benefit from my performance at work? Anyway rant over. SO I've got a son to whom I've been paying my ex wife fortunes to because of the total incompetency of the CSA to recognise my daughter!

I've basically told her not to do the CSA route and that I'd give her more money to drive up so she can breastfeed (not my choice hers not sure why I'm paying this?!) but hey ho. I've told her to have a manual agreement which means we can buy and share things like nappies and food etc but I suspect she's going to be a butch about it (as they always do because of CSA enforced greed)..

However anyone got any basic advice?

Cheers in advance.

Also anything I can do re maintenance payments? I suspect with two leechers its gonna get pretty tight for me to survive..
Hi Stevey, welcome to the board.

Sorry to read your tale chap, it's never good to read of another father losing touch with their child.

Advice???? Well, wear condom or tie a knot in it Smile

As for maintenance, basically you're looking at handing over a minimum of 20% of your net income, less if you have your children for overnight contact. The actual figures you can work out yourself here.....

Are you willing and able to be a hands on Dad to your kids? If you want to you're going to have to put some effort into it to play your part.

Can you talk rationally with your ex's? If you can and you get on then sorting out contact between yourselves will be the cheapest and less stressful way of dealing with things. If your ex's block contact then ultimately you might end up in court to get a contact order.

If you've got any problems post them on here and we'll try to help you sort things out.

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