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Ex blocking pre-agreed access
#1
Hi,

This is a quick question really. There's so much other denial of access going on but, specifically, part of my access is an arrangement where I take 3 of my 4 children to school/nursery once a week. 

Last week I had an argument about access to my 4th child with my ex, she was demanding more support payments from me in order for me to see my 4th child (blackmail?). Even though I pay what is required as per the child support calculator (based on 3 or more children), she wants me to pay more as she claims i'm not actually paying for the 4th child. I called her some names (not clever I know but you just crack after dealing with so much sh** sometimes) and she physically had to bundle me out of her house because I wouldn't leave until I had said what I wanted to. At no point was I physically abusive towards her or even verbally aggressive, we just had a heated disagreement.  She told me that she called the police last week after our argument and that i am not to come round to her house!!

She has now stopped me from seeing the children on a Tuesday evening as I was doing so before (I would go to her house and do the bedtime routine there). I also have been stopped from taking them to school even though I said I would park outside and the kids could come to the car if i'm not allowed to go to the house. She responded by telling me I was not even to park on the pavement near her house!!!

What the hell has this crazy woman told the police to believe she has the power to ban me from parking on the public pavement? I appreciate she doesn't want me to come round for the bedtimes on a tuesday evening but should I insist I keep the school run arrangement? Is it worth arguing the point that I can park wherever I damn well like and she should get the kids ready and send them out to me?

I'm taking the mediation route in a weeks time but for now I can't believe the actions she has taken and she's blaming it on my behaviour last week. What gives her the right to do this? I didn't argue with my children, I argued with her and I always take good care of the kids the limited amount of time they're with me.

Sorry, it wasn't as quick a question as I thought!!

Any advice would be much appreciated.
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#2
(04-19-2016, 08:54 PM)adamF Wrote: Hi,

This is a quick question really. There's so much other denial of access going on but, specifically, part of my access is an arrangement where I take 3 of my 4 children to school/nursery once a week. 

Last week I had an argument about access to my 4th child with my ex, she was demanding more support payments from me in order for me to see my 4th child (blackmail?). Even though I pay what is required as per the child support calculator (based on 3 or more children), she wants me to pay more as she claims i'm not actually paying for the 4th child. I called her some names (not clever I know but you just crack after dealing with so much sh** sometimes) and she physically had to bundle me out of her house because I wouldn't leave until I had said what I wanted to. At no point was I physically abusive towards her or even verbally aggressive, we just had a heated disagreement.  She told me that she called the police last week after our argument and that i am not to come round to her house!!

She has now stopped me from seeing the children on a Tuesday evening as I was doing so before (I would go to her house and do the bedtime routine there). I also have been stopped from taking them to school even though I said I would park outside and the kids could come to the car if i'm not allowed to go to the house. She responded by telling me I was not even to park on the pavement near her house!!!

What the hell has this crazy woman told the police to believe she has the power to ban me from parking on the public pavement? I appreciate she doesn't want me to come round for the bedtimes on a tuesday evening but should I insist I keep the school run arrangement? Is it worth arguing the point that I can park wherever I damn well like and she should get the kids ready and send them out to me?

I'm taking the mediation route in a weeks time but for now I can't believe the actions she has taken and she's blaming it on my behaviour last week. What gives her the right to do this? I didn't argue with my children, I argued with her and I always take good care of the kids the limited amount of time they're with me.

Sorry, it wasn't as quick a question as I thought!!

Any advice would be much appreciated.
Child Support is in no way linked to your rights for contact, so she is going to look silly if she tells the court this (if it goes that far), even more so when your paying what the recommend amount is.  I think you need to write to her, by recorded delivery, pointing out that child support takes into account your income and the number of children. If she has a problem with it being same amount for 3+ she should take it up with her local Member of Parliament, as only the government can change the law. The same government regulate what benefits people can get, and she might be able to get child benefit, child tax credits and housing benefit. When considering means tested benefit she gets, child support is not counted, so what you give her is putting her in a better position.

I get the feeling that she is going to be obstructive in you getting contact sorted out, and that this involving the Police might be in an effort to get Legal Aid, as you can not get it for family court action, unless you can prove Domestic Violence or Child Protection Issues.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
We are in agreement with Mark's reply here. In addition, we would advise it is also time to step back from the issue regarding the parking and picking up the children if she is denying you. Issues like this can spiral out of control quickly, especially with regards to knee-jerk reactions due to your obvious frustration. However, despite how satisfying such reactions may feel at the time (especially when you need to get things off your chest), they will fundamentally get you nowhere. It really is the children you need to think of in situations like this and the fact it can put you in a place of disadvantage with regards to maintaining your relationship with them. So, as difficult as it may be, step back and give your ex no ammunition to make further accusations on any count. Also, sometimes these issues have a way of resolving themselves either due to the practicalities of caring for your children (if your ex is reliant upon you picking them up etc) and the fact your children will obviously be asking to see you. As Mark says, the letter is a good way forward. Mediation is the next step to suggest if your ex continues to withhold access, and if your ex still refuses then you would have to take the matter to court. Please also see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, http://www.separateddads.co.uk/WhenYourE...ccess.html. I hope this helps and I'm sure if you have so far had a reasonable relationship with your ex, it will all die down in a couple of weeks.
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#4
Thanks for the advice - some very sound advice there.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the reply until after I went round to pick the kids up the next day. She wouldn't send them out to me and I stayed in my car the whole time and left after half an hour.

Today I have received a letter from a solicitor outlining the events (the argument and then my going to her house to take the kids to school). it states that the events on the day of the argument were "a very serious incident" which I completely disagree with. It states that she called the police on both occasions. It then goes on to say she's had advice from the local Police Domestic Violence Team and that she's been advised to consider taking out a Non Molestation Order against me!! I find this very odd as there has at no point in our marriage and subsequent separation that I have been physically abusive towards her or the children.

It finally says (quite contraditctorally and probably quite unwillingly) that she proposes for me to see the children every other weekend as per our usual arrangement but then after a period of time I will get to see my baby for a limited time (1 hour) at my house every other weekend when I have the other children. Some progress I suppose but I feel that now I am totally at her beck and call and am treading on eggshells. Not a great situation really.

I am not really sure exactly what to do at this stage as i feel that Marks final paragraph is surprisingly accurate of the situation and I hope she doesn't succeed in convincing people/organisations/the legal system that I have been physically abusive as this is absolutely not true. I don't know what she's told the police/the solicitor but it seems that she may have artificially escalated the severity of the situation and told lies about me.

I think I may have to park mediation for the time being and just go along with the contact proposals and keep my head down to avoid situations where more lies can be spun about me.
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#5
(04-27-2016, 10:27 PM)adamF Wrote: Thanks for the advice - some very sound advice there.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the reply until after I went round to pick the kids up the next day. She wouldn't send them out to me and I stayed in my car the whole time and left after half an hour.

Today I have received a letter from a solicitor outlining the events (the argument and then my going to her house to take the kids to school). it states that the events on the day of the argument were "a very serious incident" which I completely disagree with. It states that she called the police on both occasions. It then goes on to say she's had advice from the local Police Domestic Violence Team and that she's been advised to consider taking out a Non Molestation Order against me!! I find this very odd as there has at no point in our marriage and subsequent separation that I have been physically abusive towards her or the children.

It finally says (quite contraditctorally and probably quite unwillingly) that she proposes for me to see the children every other weekend as per our usual arrangement but then after a period of time I will get to see my baby for a limited time (1 hour) at my house every other weekend when I have the other children.  Some progress I suppose but I feel that now I am totally at her beck and call and am treading on eggshells. Not a great situation really.

I am not really sure exactly what to do at this stage as i feel that Marks final paragraph is surprisingly accurate of the situation and I hope she doesn't succeed in convincing people/organisations/the legal system that I have been physically abusive as this is absolutely not true. I don't know what she's told the police/the solicitor but it seems that she may have artificially escalated the severity of the situation and told lies about me.

I think I may have to park mediation for the time being and just go along with the contact proposals and keep my head down to avoid situations where more lies can be spun about me.
You might want to check this with someone qualified like a Soliciter, but I think the letter you got has done you a favour.

I would respond to it, saying that the Police advise was given based only on her side of the story and should an application for a non molestation order be coming, then you will be asking for a "finding of fact" hearing. This will mean she has to prove what she is saying.

Have a look round her Soliciters Website, to try to find out if they do legal aid work. Because of cut backs, you can not longer get legal aid for family matters, unless Domistic Violance or Child Protection Issues. Legal Aid Soliciters often try for a non mol, as if one is ordered, legal aid can continue in the family case. If a non mol does not run or achives an out of court outcome (for example, a volentary undertaking) legal aid stops at that point.

The fact that she is claiming Domistic Violance gives you grounds to by pass Mediation, but you will have to move fast. Untill there is a hearing, you now have the right to put in for a child arrangments order. (If a non mol hearing takes place and it does not run, then your back to the Mediation route). Its the same regardless of if you just want contact or residance.

At the first hearing, you will both be ordered to do position statements, and SS if the childen are known to them will do a report. Normally you have 2 or 3 weeks to file them, and you go back to  court 5 or 6 weeks from 1st court date.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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