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Contact with my child
(12-03-2016, 11:54 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(12-03-2016, 11:09 AM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi Mark,

Yes, I thought this too but I understand that he has already arranged mediation with his ex partner.

If she agrees to mediation than it would be good news for him because her allegations then would almost fly out the window.

I suspect she may have had a first meeting with a solicitor and may not yet be aware of all consequences.

If you find a mediator who accepts your case and if your ex agrees to mediation then use this chance.

It may not look very likely but it is now when the situation is fresh people need the help and unfortunately can't get it anywhere. Going to court should be your last Option.

All the best.

This again is open for debate. The fact is going to Mediation will have a cost.

The fact is your going to have to pay something (even if this is a small contribution if you get Legal Aid), even if she does not attend in most cases.

Even if a Mediation agreement is done, it can not be enforced, it will only give you the right to go to court if not followed.

While everyone will have their own thoughts on this, mine is that any money spend on the Mediation route, would be better spent towards the £215 Child Arrangements Application fee (reduced if on a low income, free if on some means tested benefits). I would always go the court route, if you have a chance to.

I today received a letter from her solicitor advising of her proposals for ccontact with my son. Basically nnot my opinion taken into consideration at all she want me to collect him on a Tuesday at 3 pm from nursery and she will collect him from me at 9 am Wednesday morning and I will see him alternate weekend from 10am till 5 pm on a sat and Sunday.  To me this is not enough time as I have been part of his life since he was born and never spend more than 3 days away from him. I know I'm going to have to accept some forms of contact but seeing my son once over 7 days ovenite is not good enough to me. 

Her solicitor has also said Im not to contact her unless it's a emergency problem when my son is in my care or to pass my son back to her when she collects him from me. I don't see this as being reasonable as their need to be some forms of contact between us with regard to my son. They have warned if I mme any unwanted contact they will pphone the police for harassment.  A for  the allegations of domestic violence I don't someone who has claimed domestic violence wwanting to meet me when collecting oor son is it likely to go againnst her aallegations? 

They want me to sign and return a letter to them to confirm these arrangements which I am not willing to do. Can I just ignore the letter and proceed to mediation and deal with it that way as I don't want to make arrangements through the solicitor? or is it best to respond to them as I don't want it coming back on me if it goes to court? 

I don't understand still how she can get legal aid just  on a allegation of domestic abuse. 

Hi Dadhl,

From my point of view and from what I remember from your situation this is good news.

You are being offered unrestricted contact to your child. Good! and we tick that one even if it is not what you wanted like to be for the moment.

I don't know what allegations she made exactly but since she is offering such a contact she can't now say that you are a danger to your child - or would look stupid. Again, this is good news for you.

How to go from here?

Well, I -and this is only how I personally would approach this- would accept her terms (taken that you can do those hrs) but would still write back to the solicitor that you would like -as a way forward- discuss a progression / review of contact within a mediation. You eventually want a weekend Fri to Sun or Mon morning. If it goes to court you most likely to get this. The staying contact mid week I usually tell me is a bonus. In my country you would not get that at all. So if you could establish that it would later be hard to take away from you. Also you have no agreement on holidays so far.

I don't know what your relationship is with your ex and if you trust that it would ever go back to somewhat normal. I would hope so for the both/three of you.

You must not contact or approach her directly and I would drop everything via the lawyer. Accept that this is what it is for the moment. Maybe things calm down in a few weeks. Your ex is playing egg, if you touch you break things.

This is a most stupid way to communicate but for the moment this is the only way without opening a can of ugly worms.

If you can not come together anymore you will need to go the court route. There is different opinions as to when to start with that as you can see.
But I also need to tell you that what she has offered is a lot more than what most dads have on this forum. This should not mean that you should settle for less but take it has some advise that you may end up with much worse.

What exactly do they want you to sign? Family plan or arrangement?

As mentioned, ignoring the letter will not help you and I would reply to it but asking for a mediation.

I would not worry about her getting legal aid or not. This is something you have no control of.

Best of luck.

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