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Advice Please!!

  I have been going through the courts to gain access to my boys, my ex has put up every barrier she could think of, my mental health, my new relationship, my boys autism, why oh why do the courts not take into consideration the fact that I was subject to years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of this woman even though I have given statements to the fact, she is still posting anti dad posts on Facebook [smart enough not to name names!] so my barrister says the court can't or won't do anything.
Well eventually they have said I can have contact, my question [after the rant ]is how do I approach this? Do I bring presents or how do you approach the first contact?
I have to say that with the slow court system in Northern Ireland its been nearly 2.5 years since I last saw my boys.

How old are your boys?

I would take something what connects you to them, maybe a old picture or a toy they loved to play with.
Try to re-connect with them from that point where you being stopped from seeing them.

Depending on the age have a look what could be of interest for them footie, Star Wars, xmas or the like. Ask yourself what they would think / expect from that contact.

This is going to be a though one for you but remember it was not your children's choice to loose contact with you. Relax even if you can't break the ice on the first contact.

Your children come just for you, no one else.

All the best
Thanks Frisbos,

I have 5 boys but the contact will initially be with the youngest who is 5,the oldest is now 19,16,14 have all been manipulated by their mum so they say they don't want contact, which I understand, the 5th is 8 and also has high functioning autism so she has played on this with the courts as a means to non contact,although he has said to social worker that he was excited to see his daddy again.
I have some photos that I took on our last day out,I will print some off and bring them as a reminder for him.
Thank You for your reply,sometimes just knowing others are in the same boat helps.

Thanks. D

Don't give any of your children up but maybe for now concentrate on the youngest one you will have contact with. With 5yrs all the bad things are still far away and I am sure you can reconnect with him easily. If that works out somehow maybe your older children will also find a way back to you.

I have been told that in that way boys are very different from girls and are much more likely to start searching for their dads.

You have fought hard for your contact and you will see your child. Well done, keep on going!


I would never give up,I now have the support of someone who truly understands me and supports everything I do.
This is the first time I have really opened up outside of "family" so to say-so thanks even just for your response,Frisbos.

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