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Need advice (im not the father)
#1
Hi All,

Need a bit of pointing in the right direction. Before I post I would like everyone to know I am not the father in this instance however need some input to see if the actual father stands a chance with a potential court case.
My girlfriend split up with her ex around 5 years ago and they had a child together prior to the separation, the father used to have his daughter every weekend and if I remember correctly a day in the week although I may be wrong when I mention the day in the week.
Their child obviously lives with her mum and myself, to which the dad has a major issue with (its all against me and that his daughter shouldn't be raised by another man) I do not wish or want to be the childs father, just to be her friend as I have always communicated to her and she knows that fully. We have a brilliant relationship and have a laugh but I do not do the 'Dad' thing by putting her to bed or anything like that, literally am her mate.
Dad however seems very bitter towards my presence around his child (which I understand) but he almost abuses my girlfriend on the phone via text (which shes kept) and now wants 50/50 custody, he has refused mediation from my girlfriend in the past to agree a suitable arrangement in terms of access so my girlfriend made the decision for him and said he can have her every other weekend and every Wednesday, the weekend was based on the fact they should be both be allowed quality time to spend with her on a non-school day.
When she is at Dad's she is kept up all hours, fed by his mother, picked up from school by his mother, eats at his mothers and eats unhealthily at his house, she has mentioned that 'Daddy is going to punch Ben' whilst we have been playing and now the latest is that he wants joint custody when in all honesty that isn't to her benefit, more to his. He also tells her not to talk to me and threatens to throw her toys in the bin if she does, we openly ask about what she has done at Dads and encourage her to talk to us about events with his side of the family, however Dad gets angry when she reverses this and tries to talk about her life with us.
He refused mediation, has been a bully, threatened her on numerous occasions and kicked up a storm when my girlfriend wanted money to help pay for the child, since which the CSA case has been dropped by her due to the hassle it caused. All of these comments can be proven so my question is....
Based on my short description and version of events, how likely would 50/50 custody be do you think, all replies warmly received and I thank each of you for your answer in advance.
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#2
(12-08-2016, 01:39 PM)Ben Rogers Wrote: Hi All,

Need a bit of pointing in the right direction. Before I post I would like everyone to know I am not the father in this instance however need some input to see if the actual father stands a chance with a potential court case.
My girlfriend split up with her ex around 5 years ago and they had a child together prior to the separation, the father used to have his daughter every weekend and if I remember correctly a day in the week although I may be wrong when I mention the day in the week.
Their child obviously lives with her mum and myself, to which the dad has a major issue with (its all against me and that his daughter shouldn't be raised by another man) I do not wish or want to be the childs father, just to be her friend as I have always communicated to her and she knows that fully. We have a brilliant relationship and have a laugh but I do not do the 'Dad' thing by putting her to bed or anything like that, literally am her mate.
Dad however seems very bitter towards my presence around his child (which I understand) but he almost abuses my girlfriend on the phone via text (which shes kept) and now wants 50/50 custody, he has refused mediation from my girlfriend in the past to agree a suitable arrangement in terms of access so my girlfriend made the decision for him and said he can have her every other weekend and every Wednesday, the weekend was based on the fact they should be both be allowed quality time to spend with her on a non-school day.
When she is at Dad's she is kept up all hours, fed by his mother, picked up from school by his mother, eats at his mothers and eats unhealthily at his house, she has mentioned that 'Daddy is going to punch Ben' whilst we have been playing and now the latest is that he wants joint custody when in all honesty that isn't to her benefit, more to his. He also tells her not to talk to me and threatens to throw her toys in the bin if she does, we openly ask about what she has done at Dads and encourage her to talk to us about events with his side of the family, however Dad gets angry when she reverses this and tries to talk about her life with us.
He refused mediation, has been a bully, threatened her on numerous occasions and kicked up a storm when my girlfriend wanted money to help pay for the child, since which the CSA case has been dropped by her due to the hassle it caused. All of these comments can be proven so my question is....
Based on my short description and version of events, how likely would 50/50 custody be do you think, all replies warmly received and I thank each of you for your answer in advance.

This would need Mediation, unless a Court Order exists, where he would have to bring an applicaiton to vary.

Regardless of how the arrangments are in place, if this went to a Judge, he would have to show "Significant" reason, why it needs looking at again, and this must be reasons since the last time it was looked at.

There is no way he will get 50/50, due to the Welfare Benefit Reforms. While sometimes 6 out of 14 days is awarded, its normally 3 or 4 if he can show he is able to share the care, if not, then it would be along the lines of Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
Hi,

I agree with Mark and I would also think that this Dad is diggin his own hole they way he is behaving. Although I can very well understand his feelings.

F.
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#4
Hi Ben

My personal situation means that I can see this story from the real dad's point of view. A few things that came to mind when reading your story:

- The story paints quite a bad picture of the ''dad'' but has the mother considered that maybe the dad is so devastated at missing out on the child growing up, that he has started to act up? I consider myself to be a good person, but the trauma that this caused me personally has definitely effected me as a person. I am not excusing it, but it should be considered. 
- The dad used to see the child every weekend but then for some reason that changed. Why is it that it appears that the majority of woman think it is OK to let the dad see the child every weekend when it suits them, but as soon as it doesn't suit them, contact is reduced with the same B.S. excuse of ''quality time'' being thrown out there. Would you not say that the mother having the child 5 days / 6 nights out of the week is more than enough quality time? 
- You mention about the child being kept up all hours, fed by his mother, eats unhealthily etc - These are all assumptions that you are making based on your negative opinion of the guy. Is it not a good thing that the child is seeing a lot of its grand parents? And on the limited time they get to see the kid, maybe they want to spoil the child? Who wouldn't!
- You mention that the guy is a bully, has threatened her etc. If that is true, why are you both allowing him any access at all to the child? It is fine to make the accusations about this guy but if you then allow him to have the kid, your accusations lose credibility.

You may not like or appreciate my comments, of which I could make way more but there is little point. However, I am not having a pop at you  or the missus, just saying that maybe if the woman took the dads feelings and requirements into consideration, there would be less hassle and life would be better and easier for all concerned. Do not forget that you (a stranger) is allowed unlimited acces to his child and are likely to be taking over his role as father figure - whilst he is being limited access. How would you feel. Sometimes I think the new partner is as much to blame as the woman because remember, if you had a kid with her and the relationship ends, this could very well be you on the receiving end - how would you feel then.
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