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My kids think its their fault
Hi All,

I separated from my wife in September and I am really struggling with not only my own feelings but those of my kids.

I have the kids every other weekend and I would like to have them for a few hours one day a week after school but my wife wont let me, which is upsetting me.

My wife keeps sending me texts saying that both the kids have said things like "if I'm a good boy and stay in my own bed all night then daddy will come home" and my daughter thinks that if she is a good girl then I will come home again.

Its breaking my heart and I don't know the best way to deal with it all. Any advice would be a big help right now.
Hi mate,

That sounds awful, I feel for you. So a couple of things come to mind;
Why is your ex telling you this? Did you leave her? If she is trying to win you back or guilt you back, would she make this up?

Assuming it is genuine and she is telling you so it can be addressed, I guess it depends on their age. If they are old enough then sit them down and explain that mummy and daddy are not best friends anymore but will always be there for them, working together etc.

That is what I have told my son and so far he seems to have handled it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

If your children have expressed such feelings then I would more think that they struggle with the reduced time they have with you and with the new settings in general.

It's Christmas and children now talk about what they wish and what they hope to get if they behave "good". Of course it all depends on their age but I would not associate that your children now feel guilty for your separation.

Even if that is the case you and your ex need to give them comfort and reassurance that they will not loose any of you. Children struggle with separation there is no question about it but I believe that the human being is extremely capable of adjusting to new situations as long as there is a stable and secure environment.

Try to agree the additional contact with your ex or make your children a cd where you read them a story so that before bedtime they can listen to you. Send them a postcard to tell them you look forward seeing them next and let them have a picture of you...there are many ways...

Good luck to all of you!

Hi Rundaddyrun,

I am totally with Kane and frisbos absolutely sound advice.

However, there is a little point you might want to use. The children are obviously missing you and bring up again with the ex in regards contact one night a week as this will enable stability for the children and they will know daddy is there for them. Currently, there is a void and those few hours a week may relieve the void and is in the best interest of the children and provide more security for the children. Also, propose speaking to the children on the phone every night (you get to hear them and them you).

there are options....

good luck...

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