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ex has disappeared with kids
#1
My ex is claiming domestic abuse as a way of forbidding me access. She was actually in a refuge when I met her and it seems she uses it as a way of getting rehoused by the council when a relationship is over. 

She suffers badly with depression but more often than not refuses to take her medication. During these times her mood and manner can become very dark.

It has, on and off, been a very toxic relationship.  We have had several bust ups over the years and once, (5 years ago. just after my son was born),  I half heartedly, threatened to burn the house down. The police were involved and I had to do community service. 

I know it was stupid and I hold my hand up as being a compete arse.

We now have two children (boy and girl) and I truly just want to make some sort of normal life for them and me. 

We split up again just before christmas, I was again made homeless. Until February I was allowed to see them regularly every Wednesday and Sunday.  I  know during this time she harboured hopes of a reconciliation. In truth, for a while I went along with this just to maintain contact with the kids.

However, after much soul searching I concluded it was truly time to end the relationship and went back to live with my mother. Since then her behaviour has gone downhill. Over the last two months or so, i have been allowed to have the kids for 2 nights at my mums, then I was only allowed to see them at her house, then she called the police to say I was abusive (they never contacted e so that may be false) a couple pf days after that I was allowed to have the kids for 4 nights, then i was only allowed to take them to the park with her sitting round the corner.

The kids have had no structure or routine whatsoever. Now I find that she has disappeared and her neighbour says she has been taken to a women's refuge. I reported the kids as missing to the police on advice from social services but got nowhere.

I know I am partly to blame for the first few years of there life being crap and I want to change that now but no one wants to listen to me. Everything seems set against me.

Does anyone know of a route I can take to get regular contact or find out where she is?

If i have to go down the legal route, could someone give me an idea of what to would cost?

Any advice would be welcome.
Reply
#2
(04-25-2016, 10:10 PM)Jox Wrote: My ex is claiming domestic abuse as a way of forbidding me access. She was actually in a refuge when I met her and it seems she uses it as a way of getting rehoused by the council when a relationship is over. 

She suffers badly with depression but more often than not refuses to take her medication. During these times her mood and manner can become very dark.

It has, on and off, been a very toxic relationship.  We have had several bust ups over the years and once, (5 years ago. just after my son was born),  I half heartedly, threatened to burn the house down. The police were involved and I had to do community service. 

I know it was stupid and I hold my hand up as being a compete arse.

We now have two children (boy and girl) and I truly just want to make some sort of normal life for them and me. 

We split up again just before christmas, I was again made homeless. Until February I was allowed to see them regularly every Wednesday and Sunday.  I  know during this time she harboured hopes of a reconciliation. In truth, for a while I went along with this just to maintain contact with the kids.

However, after much soul searching I concluded it was truly time to end the relationship and went back to live with my mother. Since then her behaviour has gone downhill. Over the last two months or so, i have been allowed to have the kids for 2 nights at my mums, then I was only allowed to see them at her house, then she called the police to say I was abusive (they never contacted e so that may be false) a couple pf days after that I was allowed to have the kids for 4 nights, then i was only allowed to take them to the park with her sitting round the corner.

The kids have had no structure or routine whatsoever. Now I find that she has disappeared and her neighbour says she has been taken to a women's refuge. I reported the kids as missing to the police on advice from social services but got nowhere.

I know I am partly to blame for the first few years of there life being crap and I want to change that now but no one wants to listen to me. Everything seems set against me.

Does anyone know of a route I can take to get regular contact or find out where she is?

If i have to go down the legal route, could someone give me an idea of what to would cost?

Any advice would be welcome.
In this case, you can go down the Court route without Mediation, as the whereabouts are unknown.

Do you have PR (either by being Married at time of birth or being present and named when the birth was registered)?

If no, you need to apply to court for this first.

Once you have PR, you need to apply for a child arrangments order.

In both cases, you fill out the form saying the Childs Whereabouts is not known, and the Court will locate and serve it on your ex. (They have ways of finding out, for example Benefits Agency, HMRC).

I have not had to go down the getting PR route myself, so perhaps someone can confirm if this can be part of one application, and therefore under 1 application cost?  I know to apply for a child arrangments order costs £215, but you can get it reduced if on a low income or free on some benefits, so check with out local county court.

A key part of your case, is she has allowed contact after your conviction, so she can not use that as a reason why, unless there is some fresh claims by her coming.
It would be interesting to know how the Social Services stand on you seeing your children, as its likley a court will ask them to do a Section 7, and the court might also put Caffcass in while the case is ongoing. Do not worry if they are not supporting your application, as anything they file you can respond to.

You can not get legal aid, as your not claiming Domestic Violance or any Child Protection issues.

Soliciters cost a lot, from in excess of £150 per hour plus vat, just for a Junior or Legal Exe.

You can use what are called a McKenzie Adviser, who either charge anything from £40 per hour or a flat fee per month while the case is live all in, but they might know the law, but have no right to be in court with you, or speck on your behalf. Often a Judge will let them remain to advise you, and maybe speck if other side has a Soliciter, but the other side can even object to them being in the room. They have to apply to the Judge to remain at the start. Some also help put together court documents, and some even just help with this part for a fee, without going to court with you.

In a lot of cases, you can represent yourself. In my case, I got contact in place 3 out of 4 weekends and half scholl holdiays, and a Prohibited Steps Court Order in place on Self Representing.

There is a lot of info on the Serpated Dads Website, as well as free advise from others on this forum.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
(04-26-2016, 07:38 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(04-25-2016, 10:10 PM)Jox Wrote: My ex is claiming domestic abuse as a way of forbidding me access. She was actually in a refuge when I met her and it seems she uses it as a way of getting rehoused by the council when a relationship is over. 

She suffers badly with depression but more often than not refuses to take her medication. During these times her mood and manner can become very dark.

It has, on and off, been a very toxic relationship.  We have had several bust ups over the years and once, (5 years ago. just after my son was born),  I half heartedly, threatened to burn the house down. The police were involved and I had to do community service. 

I know it was stupid and I hold my hand up as being a compete arse.

We now have two children (boy and girl) and I truly just want to make some sort of normal life for them and me. 

We split up again just before christmas, I was again made homeless. Until February I was allowed to see them regularly every Wednesday and Sunday.  I  know during this time she harboured hopes of a reconciliation. In truth, for a while I went along with this just to maintain contact with the kids.

However, after much soul searching I concluded it was truly time to end the relationship and went back to live with my mother. Since then her behaviour has gone downhill. Over the last two months or so, i have been allowed to have the kids for 2 nights at my mums, then I was only allowed to see them at her house, then she called the police to say I was abusive (they never contacted e so that may be false) a couple pf days after that I was allowed to have the kids for 4 nights, then i was only allowed to take them to the park with her sitting round the corner.

The kids have had no structure or routine whatsoever. Now I find that she has disappeared and her neighbour says she has been taken to a women's refuge. I reported the kids as missing to the police on advice from social services but got nowhere.

I know I am partly to blame for the first few years of there life being crap and I want to change that now but no one wants to listen to me. Everything seems set against me.

Does anyone know of a route I can take to get regular contact or find out where she is?

If i have to go down the legal route, could someone give me an idea of what to would cost?

Any advice would be welcome.
In this case, you can go down the Court route without Mediation, as the whereabouts are unknown.

Do you have PR (either by being Married at time of birth or being present and named when the birth was registered)?

If no, you need to apply to court for this first.

Once you have PR, you need to apply for a child arrangments order.

In both cases, you fill out the form saying the Childs Whereabouts is not known, and the Court will locate and serve it on your ex. (They have ways of finding out, for example Benefits Agency, HMRC).

I have not had to go down the getting PR route myself, so perhaps someone can confirm if this can be part of one application, and therefore under 1 application cost?  I know to apply for a child arrangments order costs £215, but you can get it reduced if on a low income or free on some benefits, so check with out local county court.

A key part of your case, is she has allowed contact after your conviction, so she can not use that as a reason why, unless there is some fresh claims by her coming.
It would be interesting to know how the Social Services stand on you seeing your children, as its likley a court will ask them to do a Section 7, and the court might also put Caffcass in while the case is ongoing. Do not worry if they are not supporting your application, as anything they file you can respond to.

You can not get legal aid, as your not claiming Domestic Violance or any Child Protection issues.

Soliciters cost a lot, from in excess of £150 per hour plus vat, just for a Junior or Legal Exe.

You can use what are called a McKenzie Adviser, who either charge anything from £40 per hour or a flat fee per month while the case is live all in, but they might know the law, but have no right to be in court with you, or speck on your behalf. Often a Judge will let them remain to advise you, and maybe speck if other side has a Soliciter, but the other side can even object to them being in the room. They have to apply to the Judge to remain at the start. Some also help put together court documents, and some even just help with this part for a fee, without going to court with you.

In a lot of cases, you can represent yourself. In my case, I got contact in place 3 out of 4 weekends and half scholl holdiays, and a Prohibited Steps Court Order in place on Self Representing.

There is a lot of info on the Serpated Dads Website, as well as free advise from others on this forum.

First of all thanks for you replay. I do have PR from birth certificate.

I went to CAB today, they were quite helpful and told me I could that I could serve my C4 on the police to get the address. So then went to the local police station, who were not very helpful and passed the buck a bit. but at least I found out that she has not made any fresh claims against me. I found sitting in the police station so intimidating because I was very aware that she is capable of saying anything! 

I am also trying to get some info from social services but again it is a bit of a brick wall.

However from all three resources I have spoken to today (police, CAB and social services) I seem to get the idea that if I do locate the children, and simply take them, there wouldn't be much that anyone could do, and, that in fact our positions would simply be reversed, with the ex having to apply to courts etc.  But then at least the kids would be able to go to their normal schools, clubs etc. 

Does anyone have any knowledge or advice about that?
Reply
#4
(04-26-2016, 02:53 PM)Jox Wrote:
(04-26-2016, 07:38 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(04-25-2016, 10:10 PM)Jox Wrote: My ex is claiming domestic abuse as a way of forbidding me access. She was actually in a refuge when I met her and it seems she uses it as a way of getting rehoused by the council when a relationship is over. 

She suffers badly with depression but more often than not refuses to take her medication. During these times her mood and manner can become very dark.

It has, on and off, been a very toxic relationship.  We have had several bust ups over the years and once, (5 years ago. just after my son was born),  I half heartedly, threatened to burn the house down. The police were involved and I had to do community service. 

I know it was stupid and I hold my hand up as being a compete arse.

We now have two children (boy and girl) and I truly just want to make some sort of normal life for them and me. 

We split up again just before christmas, I was again made homeless. Until February I was allowed to see them regularly every Wednesday and Sunday.  I  know during this time she harboured hopes of a reconciliation. In truth, for a while I went along with this just to maintain contact with the kids.

However, after much soul searching I concluded it was truly time to end the relationship and went back to live with my mother. Since then her behaviour has gone downhill. Over the last two months or so, i have been allowed to have the kids for 2 nights at my mums, then I was only allowed to see them at her house, then she called the police to say I was abusive (they never contacted e so that may be false) a couple pf days after that I was allowed to have the kids for 4 nights, then i was only allowed to take them to the park with her sitting round the corner.

The kids have had no structure or routine whatsoever. Now I find that she has disappeared and her neighbour says she has been taken to a women's refuge. I reported the kids as missing to the police on advice from social services but got nowhere.

I know I am partly to blame for the first few years of there life being crap and I want to change that now but no one wants to listen to me. Everything seems set against me.

Does anyone know of a route I can take to get regular contact or find out where she is?

If i have to go down the legal route, could someone give me an idea of what to would cost?

Any advice would be welcome.
In this case, you can go down the Court route without Mediation, as the whereabouts are unknown.

Do you have PR (either by being Married at time of birth or being present and named when the birth was registered)?

If no, you need to apply to court for this first.

Once you have PR, you need to apply for a child arrangments order.

In both cases, you fill out the form saying the Childs Whereabouts is not known, and the Court will locate and serve it on your ex. (They have ways of finding out, for example Benefits Agency, HMRC).

I have not had to go down the getting PR route myself, so perhaps someone can confirm if this can be part of one application, and therefore under 1 application cost?  I know to apply for a child arrangments order costs £215, but you can get it reduced if on a low income or free on some benefits, so check with out local county court.

A key part of your case, is she has allowed contact after your conviction, so she can not use that as a reason why, unless there is some fresh claims by her coming.
It would be interesting to know how the Social Services stand on you seeing your children, as its likley a court will ask them to do a Section 7, and the court might also put Caffcass in while the case is ongoing. Do not worry if they are not supporting your application, as anything they file you can respond to.

You can not get legal aid, as your not claiming Domestic Violance or any Child Protection issues.

Soliciters cost a lot, from in excess of £150 per hour plus vat, just for a Junior or Legal Exe.

You can use what are called a McKenzie Adviser, who either charge anything from £40 per hour or a flat fee per month while the case is live all in, but they might know the law, but have no right to be in court with you, or speck on your behalf. Often a Judge will let them remain to advise you, and maybe speck if other side has a Soliciter, but the other side can even object to them being in the room. They have to apply to the Judge to remain at the start. Some also help put together court documents, and some even just help with this part for a fee, without going to court with you.

In a lot of cases, you can represent yourself. In my case, I got contact in place 3 out of 4 weekends and half scholl holdiays, and a Prohibited Steps Court Order in place on Self Representing.

There is a lot of info on the Serpated Dads Website, as well as free advise from others on this forum.

First of all thanks for you replay. I do have PR from birth certificate.

I went to CAB today, they were quite helpful and told me I could that I could serve my C4 on the police to get the address. So then went to the local police station, who were not very helpful and passed the buck a bit. but at least I found out that she has not made any fresh claims against me. I found sitting in the police station so intimidating because I was very aware that she is capable of saying anything! 

I am also trying to get some info from social services but again it is a bit of a brick wall.

However from all three resources I have spoken to today (police, CAB and social services) I seem to get the idea that if I do locate the children, and simply take them, there wouldn't be much that anyone could do, and, that in fact our positions would simply be reversed, with the ex having to apply to courts etc.  But then at least the kids would be able to go to their normal schools, clubs etc. 

Does anyone have any knowledge or advice about that?

In the absence of any court order or offical paperwork making your ex the resident parent you are correct. They will only do what is called a Welfare Check.  However I am not sure it will be viewed by the courts as the correct way of doing it, unless Social Services have concerns regarding your ex.

From the limited information I can see, if you want to contest residancy then as part of your child arrangments application, ask the court to put a guardian in. This will be a Social Worker or Caffcas, and the child (via the Guardian) will have a Soliciter being paid for by Legal Aid (but not you or your ex), to look after what the guardian considers best for them. Due to the childs age, I am not sure their needs and wishes come into this.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply


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