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Weekday visits
#1
hi there

I'm new to this site.  My ex and I split just over a year ago - divorce came through last week.  Up until last week my ex and I had been very amicable, but last week she posted something on facebook, pics of her and the guy she'd been having an affair with, and our mutual friends came out in support for me big time.  We have an agreement that I see my little boy every other weekend, and every Tuesday evening, and this has been working well.  She's just sent me an email to say that from January Tuesday evenings wont happen anymore because our little boy is tired and grumpy when he goes back to her on Wednesday evenings.  I can't believe for a moment that this is true, my lad is in bed at the agreed time of 7.30 every Tuesday and  I know she's writing this to try and get back at me.  Its horrific and I feel sick to the stomach.  Can she just suddenly stop an arrangement?  Any support or advice woudl be welcome,. thank you
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#2
Hi Damiender, thanks for joining and sharing your story.

Ah yes, the "look at me... isn't everything great" posts they put on FB. What a joke...

If they were really happy they wouldn't need to brag about it, so she is probably delusional. The fact that she is trying to get back at you is her insecurity manifesting itself. She feels like she has to bring you down, because she doesn't want you being happier than her.

It's selfish, and a huge weakness on her part.

If you were REALLY happy with your life, would you be trying to bring others down, and being spiteful??

Of course not... it's all a facade.

A sore ego trying desperately to make itself feel better.
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#3
Hi,

Is the agreement for contact just between you and your ex or endorsed via a court order?

If the agreement is between you and your ex only then you can do nothing as you can't enforce such a agreement. You would then very quickly need to apply for a child arrangement order asking for the contact times you want / have at the moment. The decision will then be with the courts.

Your ex would need to come up with some good reasons why the arrangement should be changed. She picked a good one, but it is not plausible to let it run til January if it already affects your child now. So you could argue that it can't be such a big impact.

If you already have a contact order which says that you can have your child during the week, go straight to court and enforce it.

Best of luck and come back and tell us how you getting on.

F.
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#4
(12-13-2016, 05:51 PM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

Is the agreement for contact just between you and your ex or endorsed via a court order?

If the agreement is between you and your ex only then you can do nothing as you can't enforce such a agreement. You would then very quickly need to apply for a child arrangement order asking for the contact times you want / have at the moment. The decision will then be with the courts.

Your ex would need to come up with some good reasons why the arrangement should be changed. She picked a good one, but it is not plausible to let it run til January if it already affects your child now. So you could argue that it can't be such a big impact.

If you already have a contact order which says that you can have your child during the week, go straight to court and enforce it.

Best of luck and come back and tell us how you getting on.

F.

In this case, the member does not have the right to apply to court. There is only some situations where you can do this, an in this case he needs Mediation, and either their agreement to not be followed, her to No Show or there to be "Deadlock", what they provide the letters for, so you can apply to court.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#5
Hi Mark,

Thanks for pointing this out, this is of course correct and you will need a loop and a MIAM first.

F.
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#6
(12-13-2016, 02:47 PM)Damiender Wrote: hi there

I'm new to this site.  My ex and I split just over a year ago - divorce came through last week.  Up until last week my ex and I had been very amicable, but last week she posted something on facebook, pics of her and the guy she'd been having an affair with, and our mutual friends came out in support for me big time.  We have an agreement that I see my little boy every other weekend, and every Tuesday evening, and this has been working well.  She's just sent me an email to say that from January Tuesday evenings wont happen anymore because our little boy is tired and grumpy when he goes back to her on Wednesday evenings.  I can't believe for a moment that this is true, my lad is in bed at the agreed time of 7.30 every Tuesday and  I know she's writing this to try and get back at me.  Its horrific and I feel sick to the stomach.  Can she just suddenly stop an arrangement?  Any support or advice woudl be welcome,. thank you

You need to go to Mediation, before you have the right for Court.

However, if this does end up in court, your ex is going to have to show and prove reason why it should change.

While it might be her opinion, should you set it down for "Finding of Fact", if she can not evidance it, the court can not consider it.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#7
Thank you. I'm aware that mediation would have to happen first. It's since come to light that my son isnt really getting on with his mum at the moment. I had him last night and he really didnt want to go back to his mum's after school today. I think I'm going to suggest that in fact instead of her taking away my Tuesday night stays, that perhaps the best thing would be to increase the number of evenings he stays with me mid-week to improve the balance. The fact is, there's absolutely nothing that I do with him on the nights he's with me that woudl make him tired and grouchy the night after. He's always in bed and asleep on time after book and bath. She's purely trying to get back at me, and using our son as a pawn, which is grossly unfair
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#8
I agree, having him for an extra evening is more likely to be better for everyone. But I think you are right, she seems to want to get back at you.
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#9
Don't stress it - you're doing nothing wrong

I constantly get emails from my ex telling me this crap... its a control thing.

What she is actually saying is "you're a really good dad, which makes it difficult for me to justify some of my life decisions, It would be far better for me if you were a crap dad so I'm going to pick on you and make you feel bad while making myself feel better"

When the kid is with you .... its your choice what time they go to bed.

Now we've established you're a responsible loving dad so if that is 7:29 or 7:31 or 8:00 or 6:30.... nothing to do with her. If you kept him up playing Xbox until 1am then maybe, just maybe she'd have a case BUT its clear you don't.

Keep a diary ... just in case - times he goes to bed and times he wakes up.
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