Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Advice...
#1
Hi and sorry if this waffles on a little,

Me and ex wife split up halfway though october 2016, no reason, yet possibly me vaping and playing xbox seem to be the pointers toward the split, yes i played a few hours a day (always took notice of my boys) and yes I vaped in the house.

Now, it was agreed before I left on the 5th november (took a while to sort my transport out) that we would both pay half toward fuel costs (my mothers doing the driving as I do not drive) and she would send me up with everything I would need for the boys, plus if I have them for a week then £50 from the £113 weekly money from Child Tax Credits.

Now, 2 days before christmas she has decided that she cannot afford to give any money at all.... now I am in receipt of Jobseekers Allowance, as I have moved 200 miles away and have no job. She knows that I am on a little bit of money and I have been sourcing toys and presents etc for christmas for my boys for when they come up here on the 27th Dec 16...

I have had practiacally 0 contact with my boys, I havent seen them, however she did want to travel 400 miles in a day to take my eldest back down to birmingham to a party and then being him back up same day, and she has tried to fob the boys off on me too by saying that they are asking about me and missing me, which I would feel they would as I was the stay at home parent, doing literally everything! I would be up at 2am and still be up at 6am to get my eldest ready for school, I would cook, clean, wash and do everything that was needed whilst she stayed in bed due to being tired....

Now, I cannot help but feel torn as I have missed my boys, but I am not able to have them as often as I would like as I am sleeping on my mothers sofa, and she is disabled so cannot do the drive too often.
I ask her how they boys are and i get 'They are Ok' nothing else unless I really pester her and then she gets annoyed with me...

What sort of options do I have? I was married at birth and am on the Birth Certificates, but I am worried that due to her literally not being able to cook an actual meal that my boys will be missing out on nutrients etc when they eat smart price chicken burgers/Nuggets and potato shapes etc.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and sorry if I cause any confusion.
Reply
#2
(12-24-2016, 08:25 PM)NobleExcalibur Wrote: Hi and sorry if this waffles on a little,

Me and ex wife split up halfway though october 2016, no reason, yet possibly me vaping and playing xbox seem to be the pointers toward the split, yes i played a few hours a day (always took notice of my boys) and yes I vaped in the house.

Now, it was agreed before I left on the 5th november (took a while to sort my transport out) that we would both pay half toward fuel costs (my mothers doing the driving as I do not drive) and she would send me up with everything I would need for the boys, plus if I have them for a week then £50 from the £113 weekly money from Child Tax Credits.

Now, 2 days before christmas she has decided that she cannot afford to give any money at all.... now I am in receipt of Jobseekers Allowance, as I have moved 200 miles away and have no job. She knows that I am on a little bit of money and I have been sourcing toys and presents etc for christmas for my boys for when they come up here on the 27th Dec 16...

I have had practiacally 0 contact with my boys, I havent seen them, however she did want to travel 400 miles in a day to take my eldest back down to birmingham to a party and then being him back up same day, and she has tried to fob the boys off on me too by saying that they are asking about me and missing me, which I would feel they would as I was the stay at home parent, doing literally everything! I would be up at 2am and still be up at 6am to get my eldest ready for school, I would cook, clean, wash and do everything that was needed whilst she stayed in bed due to being tired....

Now, I cannot help but feel torn as I have missed my boys, but I am not able to have them as often as I would like as I am sleeping on my mothers sofa, and she is disabled so cannot do the drive too often.
I ask her how they boys are and i get 'They are Ok' nothing else unless I really pester her and then she gets annoyed with me...

What sort of options do I have? I was married at birth and am on the Birth Certificates, but I am worried that due to her literally not being able to cook an actual meal that my boys will be missing out on nutrients etc when they eat smart price chicken burgers/Nuggets and potato shapes etc.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and sorry if I cause any confusion.

First of all, when the Welfare Benefit Reforms was made, it was very bias towards the Resident Parent (where no court order exits, I am referring to the parent who gets Child Benefit).

The bad news in your case, is if she gets the Child Benefit, you are not entitled to any benefits she gets for the children (except DLA/PIP where there is costs during contact for the area the payment is made for).

How the benefit system works, is it looks at her current household, and if she does not having enough coming in, its topped up, to what the law says a household her size needs. The child's occupancy only counts at the parent house who gets child benefit, and its that parent who can claim child tax credit.

Therefore, the resident parent has to pay all normal day to day costs, including any childcare (as if the law says they need it, they can get help with it via Working Tax Credit).

The none resident parent has to provide everything during contact, including cloths. To be clear on this aspect, your liability starts at time of collection, so if this is from any childcare, its the person who arranged the child care pays, and it ends when you drop the child off, again if this is at child care, if the resident parent has arranged this as where they want the child, its their cost.

The only exception to this, is if either parent has arranged something, and by agreement the other is just letting it happen in their time.

The law says you have to support your child, and at anytime your ex can put CMS in.

They look at your income, (so the amount you need in law for yourself is disregarded), then if you or any new partner has dependent children (either of you must get child benefit for the child), what increases the disregard amount, and then there is a reduction for "Staying Contact".  This takes into account the costs of contact, and the fact that the resident parent is getting the benefits all year round.

In your current situation, if you have the children for less than 52 nights a year, being on JSA your child support is capped at just under £10 a week.
If you have staying contact over 52 nights a year, you would not have to pay any child support. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

The other issue you have, is it appears that it was you who created the distance issue. If it was your ex, you would have a case for her to do at least some of the travelling with the child, or you could get a reduction on child support due to Excessive Travel for Contact costs. By leaving by agreement, you made yourself voluntary homeless, as far as a local authority would view it, so the chance are they would claim they had no legal obligation to help you now. Also, as 28 days has passed, from my understanding of the new Social Housing Law, (if your old house was this), you have abandoned it, so lost your right to occupy, but while its still in both names, you remain liable for any shortfall in rent.

I am not seeing any exemption from mediation, unless there is evidence of medical issues due to what she is feeding the child. I would recommend putting a call into Children's Services, and asking them if they can offer your ex some independent advise on it.  Also, I know money is tight, but if you can and your ex agrees, buy some vitamin tablets for the child.

While you only need a Position Statement after the First Court Hearing, the way forward is doing one, and send it to your ex, outlining what your looking for in terms of contact. Give her 14 days to respond, or you will instruct a Mediation Company. (You will get legal aid for this if on JSA).

The Position I would put forward, is contact for half the school holidays. This would be a long weekend on the 1 week holidays, 1 week at Easter and Christmas, and 2-3 weeks in the Summer (in 1 block due to transport costs).  This would mean you see the child every 6-8 weeks.

Indirect contact can be part of an order, and I think telephone, skype etc contact, 1 or 2 times a week would be considered reasonable. Deepening on the child's age, email or letters could also be part of it.

You need to state  that this is only while your not working, and that once your are and wages are coming in, you would like typical contact, along the lines of Friday PM or Saturday AM - Sunday PM, and up to half school holidays.

Either she agrees to this, and you leave it at an agreement you can evidence at a later date, or if you both agreed, it could be put to Court for a Consent Order.
If she does not agree, its Mediation, where you need either her to No Show, or "Deadlock" where they give you the letter, to put it to court.

My opinion based on the information in your thread, is you could get it, as your being reasonable in your expectations and its leaving your ex with quality time.

Note that when the Child Arrangements are in place or change, or your income, that the Child Support also needs updating.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
Thank you for the reply, I get pretty much most of what you are saying about the money, Ive been thinking and talked to the ex and shes agreed that it would be beneficial for me to pick kids up and for her to pick them up to go back down to her.

Now we also agreed that I wouldn't introduce them to anyone who may be my girlfriend, Now I have met someone and have subsequently decided that we want a relationship, Now I have met up with her at the local park, I took my boys and she bought her girls, We walked around letting the kids play as kids do... The weather turned bad and started raining, and as it was cold too, we decided that as she lives a matter of about 3 mins walk from the park compared to my 25 mins walk, it would be better if we took the kids to hers, changed nappies and got a bit of food and drink for the kids, wait a little for the rain to pass and head back out.
This ended up causing a major major issue with my ex, She isnt listening to reason when it comes to my boys health. I know they arent going to get ill instantly by being out in the rain, but id rather not have my boys in wet clothes in near 0c temps. She has basically told me that she wants me to keep them locked in the house the whole time I have them. Its almost like shes trying to run my life remotely using the kids as wheels...

Is there actually anything wrong with me doing this is your eyes, The kids know the new girlfriend as such as dads friend, but they get along with her daughters and its brilliant for them to have other kids to play with rather than being alone.
Reply
#4
(12-31-2016, 09:20 PM)NobleExcalibur Wrote: Thank you for the reply, I get pretty much most of what you are saying about the money, Ive been thinking and talked to the ex and shes agreed that it would be beneficial for me to pick kids up and for her to pick them up to go back down to her.

Now we also agreed that I wouldn't introduce them to anyone who may be my girlfriend, Now I have met someone and have subsequently decided that we want a relationship, Now I have met up with her at the local park, I took my boys and she bought her girls, We walked around letting the kids play as kids do... The weather turned bad and started raining, and as it was cold too, we decided that as she lives a matter of about 3 mins walk from the park compared to my 25 mins walk, it would be better if we took the kids to hers, changed nappies and got a bit of food and drink for the kids, wait a little for the rain to pass and head back out.
This ended up causing a major major issue with my ex, She isnt listening to reason when it comes to my boys health. I know they arent going to get ill instantly by being out in the rain, but id rather not have my boys in wet clothes in near 0c temps. She has basically told me that she wants me to keep them locked in the house the whole time I have them. Its almost like shes trying to run my life remotely using the kids as wheels...

Is there actually anything wrong with me doing this is your eyes, The kids know the new girlfriend as such as dads friend, but they get along with her daughters and its brilliant for them to have other kids to play with rather than being alone.

Where no Court Order exists, you both have PR, and as such make your own decisions on what you do when you have the Child.

All your ex can do, is if someone is coming into contact with the Child is Apply for Prohibited Steps. This would need supporting evidence, and the normal would be she would of had to do a Sarah's law application first. Unless there is an Police records making your new girlfriend a risk to a child, she will not be able to stop it.

Once a Child Arrangements Order exists, the court has put the child in your care, and that means its only your decision in that time.

Being locked in a house is not Quality time, what your child has a right to, with both parents.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)