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Can anyone help me please...
I found out Sept '16 my wife was in an affair (1 year plus) and was easing me out of the marriage.  I found this out as she decided to send a number of emails from her work to her home account which popped up on our home PC.  This included a number of photos, videos and instant messaging transcripts.  Needless to say a divorce is on.  Bullet points are weekly hotel meets, weekends away, secret meeting with my youngest (3 years old) so 'he gets to know you as DAD', him and his kid turning up at events where we were as a family (Even had the cheek to chat to me at one), him going on a family holiday with my wife and kids (She's Dutch and the in laws looked after the kids while they 'went out').  The instant messages cover all and everything including parenting my kids (sickness, behavior, chastising etc), 'sexting' and 'video sexting' while my kids were in the bed/whiles I was downstairs/whilst I was in the room!!!  You name it it was there.  Within the same week, my wife got a non-molestation order out (Danger to her and the kids for many years.... Discharge from court as no facts or evidence existed).  So there's the background..... Now we are still in the same house (Bang goes the danger part...) as she wont go without the kids because she's mum and I should leave apparently.  In the messages that cover Feb to September of '16 there was a complete plan on how to remove me from the home\kids lives and make it look like she was still sweet and innocent including how to morally introduce him to everyone.  Real nice people hey? Its killing me she's got the front to rub my nose in it and not do the decent thing and leave.  October she signed divorce papers for adultery (Not without a fight).  The trouble is she still wants me removed from the kids lives as much as possible, move him in and I quote 'He will become their dad'.  Of course they still want me to pay.  How can I fight this and I don't mean the paying for the kids part.   They are my kids too. Why dont I get the kids? I work locally to the home so I was up till September taking the kids to school and back,  looking after them while mum worked late/when away with the girls (?) etc.  Is there anything I can do?  Why should I lose my kids just because shes mum? Can I stop him being around my kids?   Someone help me please......
Hey R1chess,

Tough one mate and a lot to get your head around but here are a few answers to the questions but firstly you need to set up mediation and then if that fails to provide a solution go and get a solicitor - you have a hell of a lot of evidence that she is not putting the kids needs first and this will work against her if you get to court - keep everything. My situation is not so dissimilar.... some of the sh*t i found out that was going on in the background... even to today.

Why don't I get the kids?
Kids have a right to good relationship with Mother and Father - your aim here is work that out - her having an affair is irrelevant but she must not try to remove them from your life.... she sounds like she will so you got a battle on your hands until the youngest is 18 or 19 - focus on being a good dad.

Is there anything I can do? Mediation and then I would get a solicitor if I was you as she's playing very dirty here

Why should I lose my kids just because shes mum? You don't lose them (it feels like it) but no-one can take them out of your life unless there is a welfare issue...the way you will interact with your kids will be impacted - you don't see them 100% of the time, it goes to 50% or less and some stranger (new man) has more access to your kids than you do - its f*cked up - its the toughest part. Her 'plan' to remove you from their lives can be used in court to show she is not putting the kids first but still the court will side with you.

Can I stop him being around my kids? Nope - unless you suspect he is a danger to them, then apply Sarah Law to see if he has a criminal record. And when it happens she cant stop your new partner being round the kids.... although reading on here many women do.

Good luck ... focus on the kids, being a good dad and although it hurts now you are far better off without her in your life

PS - try and stay in the house - maybe the new man can provide accommodation for her - the minute you move out, he will move in so hold tight on that one

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