Help Scotland

[tontas]

Hi guys this is my first post – need so helpful info
 
My set up was this.. as I work offshore on a 28/28 rotation
For the first 2 years it was
Every weekend fri – mon when im home with me
Every weekend fri – mon with my parents..when im offshore
 
Then it changed for a year
Every weekend fri – mon when im home with me
Every 2nd  fri – mon with my parents..when im offshore
 
It has changed again
Every weekend fri – mon when im home with me
Every 2nd  fri – mon with my parents. When I’m offshore with my eldest 2 coming Fri- sat to continue with their clubs I had organised for them.
My youngest is Autistic so it is not possible for my partner to run around to the clubs and keep my youngest at the same time
 
When I am home I take one of the girls for the entire time im home.. then the next time another then another so they all get equal one-one time with me. And a brake away from my youngest who can be hard work. When my youngest comes it allows me to spend one-one time to help her communication.
My I sent my ex a 3rd email confirming a change of plans over the holidays as I am off shore. She didn’t read the first emails and said that why am I changing the plans last min..
She has now said that the current setup is inconvenient for HER. She has lost a week’s wage because of 2 days and she is no longer allowing the girls to come when I am offshore so I should cancel their clubs.. This annoys me as she does nothing for them..
I don’t see the point as she stated she works long hours at the weekends..
So where do I stand.. I said to her I have equal say in this as their father but her response was yes but I don’t when I work away and legally she doesn’t have to allow my girls to see their grandparents or my girlfriend ( this I am aware of)
However – Is this in the children’s best interests.. They now have a massive change of routine and have to quit clubs they enjoy going to. This is annoying me as they need these clubs to develop social skills. Again their mother has never organised extra curricular activities for the girls and wont. The kids generally sit inside playing on ipads, Xboxes and watching tv in her car..
Also – Have you ever heard a child say they are sick of McDonalds.. I thought to take them as a treat one day and they said they were sick of it because there mum is always giving them McDonalds..
Lastly – Myself and my partner would love the girls full time – my eldest asked if they could stay the entire 28 days im home then the other with mum… can I ask for this and or enforce it.
 
I know I see my kids more than others but I have built my life arund this contact. It’s a big kick in the balls to myself my partner and my family as for the last 4 years they have taken my kids every weekend while I was away. Made sure they have clubs, clothes, food and generally a good time. They have given up their time.. This is basically kicking us all in the balls and is totally disrespectful
This is despite my family’s feelings towards my ex and her total disregard to them when we where married. They still take the kids
 
Where do I stand? Legally
Is there going to be any reform to the child contact law soon?
Child maint – is there going to be a reform to this as well? I currently pay £220 per week even though I take them all this time
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[MarkR]

(01-04-2017, 03:49 AM)tontas Wrote: Hi guys this is my first post – need so helpful info
 
My set up was this.. as I work offshore on a 28/28 rotation
For the first 2 years it was
Every weekend fri – mon when im home with me
Every weekend fri – mon with my parents..when im offshore
 
Then it changed for a year
Every weekend fri – mon when im home with me
Every 2nd  fri – mon with my parents..when im offshore
 
It has changed again
Every weekend fri – mon when im home with me
Every 2nd  fri – mon with my parents. When I’m offshore with my eldest 2 coming Fri- sat to continue with their clubs I had organised for them.
My youngest is Autistic so it is not possible for my partner to run around to the clubs and keep my youngest at the same time
 
When I am home I take one of the girls for the entire time im home.. then the next time another then another so they all get equal one-one time with me. And a brake away from my youngest who can be hard work. When my youngest comes it allows me to spend one-one time to help her communication.
My I sent my ex a 3rd email confirming a change of plans over the holidays as I am off shore. She didn’t read the first emails and said that why am I changing the plans last min..
She has now said that the current setup is inconvenient for HER. She has lost a week’s wage because of 2 days and she is no longer allowing the girls to come when I am offshore so I should cancel their clubs.. This annoys me as she does nothing for them..
I don’t see the point as she stated she works long hours at the weekends..
So where do I stand.. I said to her I have equal say in this as their father but her response was yes but I don’t when I work away and legally she doesn’t have to allow my girls to see their grandparents or my girlfriend ( this I am aware of)
However – Is this in the children’s best interests.. They now have a massive change of routine and have to quit clubs they enjoy going to. This is annoying me as they need these clubs to develop social skills. Again their mother has never organised extra curricular activities for the girls and wont. The kids generally sit inside playing on ipads, Xboxes and watching tv in her car..
Also – Have you ever heard a child say they are sick of McDonalds.. I thought to take them as a treat one day and they said they were sick of it because there mum is always giving them McDonalds..
Lastly – Myself and my partner would love the girls full time – my eldest asked if they could stay the entire 28 days im home then the other with mum… can I ask for this and or enforce it.
 
I know I see my kids more than others but I have built my life arund this contact. It’s a big kick in the balls to myself my partner and my family as for the last 4 years they have taken my kids every weekend while I was away. Made sure they have clubs, clothes, food and generally a good time. They have given up their time.. This is basically kicking us all in the balls and is totally disrespectful
This is despite my family’s feelings towards my ex and her total disregard to them when we where married. They still take the kids
 
Where do I stand? Legally
Is there going to be any reform to the child contact law soon?
Child maint – is there going to be a reform to this as well? I currently pay £220 per week even though I take them all this time
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A lot depends on how your arrangements are in place. Is it Formal Agreement, Medication or Court Order.

In the case of Court Order, its not her decision to change it. She needs to apply to Court to vary the Order. Unless this happens, if any aspect of a Court Order is not followed, fill in form C79, Application for Enforcement.

In the case of a Mediation Agreement, if she is does not follow any part of it, you have the right to apply to Court, for a Child Arrangements Order.

In the case of Formal Agreement, there is a loophole to get this in Court by passing Mediation. You can make a case that due to the nature of your work, your parents are supporting you in the keeping of your responablitys to the child.

If your ex apply to vary, or you make an application, ask to join your parents to the proceedings.

While Grandparents do not have an automatic right, the fact that this arrangement existed changes things, even more so if you can evidence your ex agreed to it, or a Court made an order for it to happen.

In my view, you have 3 options

a, for shared care in your shore time, for example
week 1, Friday - Monday
week 2, Monday - Friday.

b, ask the court for increased time during your shore leave, in line with a perhaps, and keep the existing arrangements in place with the grandparents when your away.

c, you make a case that there is no significant reason for the existing arrangements to change.

Any increase in number of Staying Contact nights will reduce your Child Support. Also, check that the time they are with your parents is being counted as time with you for CMS calculation, as your ex does not have the costs for the child in that time, but her benefit payments will be the same all year round.

http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

[tontas]

Thanks

Contact was written in our divorce 'minuet of agreement' and the kids have been doing this contact for 3 1/2 years.

I looked at the CMS and they don't take into consideration nights I am not there.. I have to be there don't I? otherwise id be paying nearly 1/2 what I am currently.

At the min CM was covered in our minuet of agreement also.. I took several pay cuts recently and only reduced it on the first cut as she kicked off when I told her I was reducing it more.. She would use access as her leverage..

My ex is a narcissist by nature and very manipulative and will use anything to make me out to be a bad guy 'when I am not' and make her look like a victim.. when in reality I am the victim .. but who really cares about that..

I am in Scotland so who should I look to contact to protect access as it is..

[MarkR]

(01-04-2017, 12:08 PM)tontas Wrote: Thanks

Contact was written in our divorce 'minuet of agreement' and the kids have been doing this contact for 3 1/2 years.

I looked at the CMS and they don't take into consideration nights I am not there.. I have to be there don't I? otherwise id be paying nearly 1/2 what I am currently.

At the min CM was covered in our minuet of agreement also.. I took several pay cuts recently and only reduced it on the first cut as she kicked off when I told her I was reducing it more.. She would use access as her leverage..

My ex is a narcissist by nature and very manipulative and will use anything to make me out to be a bad guy 'when I am not' and make her look like a victim.. when in reality I am the victim .. but who really cares about that..

I am in Scotland so who should I look to contact to protect access as it is..

Not if you make a case that you are indirectly supporting the children in that time.

Currently you are paying child support towards your ex's normal day to day costs, what do not exist at the time your parents have the children.

[tontas]

Thanks I will look into that.. I did contact them once and they told me because I work overseas and am paid into a Saudi Arabian bank then I don't need to pay her..lol

Im not like that though I will support my kids .... But I will look at the other aspect

Can you advise me where I should start looking in relation to contact so I can get something more formal set in place that will benefit my situation before she starts casting it in my face..