Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Overnight issues
#1
Hi all

Split with my partner (not married ) of 12 years at the end of Nov and moved out like she asked she is now accusing me of domestic abuse by being controlling ect yet she has attacked me (police called but I took nfa)
She lets me see the kids more or less when I want and I take them to school everyday but she won't let me have my 6 year old son over night (he is on the autistic spectrum) as I'm staying at my mum's house for now (11 year old daughter doesn't want to stay whilst I'm at my mum's )
She said she will see about me having him over night once I get my own place but that's not going to be for atleast 6 months
Her mum who sticks her nose in all the time agrees with her as I only have my double bed but I'd sleep on the sofa if he stayed

What rights do I have as he has said he wants to have a sleepover
Reply
#2
Your case sounds pretty similar to mine – I suggest you have a read of this thread: http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-2001.html

Assuming you have Parental Responsibility and there is no Formal Agreement or Court Order in place, she basically has no legal right to stop you keeping him overnight as you are on the same legal standing as her. You would have to consider what her response might be if you did this though and whether it would be worth it this way.

The safest, longer route to achieving this is via the formal process – mediation, then court if you can’t reach agreement. Unless there were genuine risk issues, a court would start on the assumption of you having a minimum of a weekend every fortnight with your kids (which would include sleeping over), plus half of school holidays if you wished it.
Reply
#3
(01-07-2017, 01:13 AM)TwoWheels Wrote: Your case sounds pretty similar to mine – I suggest you have a read of this thread: http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-2001.html

Assuming you have Parental Responsibility and there is no Formal Agreement or Court Order in place, she basically has no legal right to stop you keeping him overnight as you are on the same legal standing as her. You would have to consider what her response might be if you did this though and whether it would be worth it this way.

The safest, longer route to achieving this is via the formal process – mediation, then court if you can’t reach agreement. Unless there were genuine risk issues, a court would start on the assumption of you having a minimum of a weekend every fortnight with your kids (which would include sleeping over), plus half of school holidays if you wished it.

While there might be some aspects of this case what are like yours, there is 2 important things in this one.

a, There is an 11 year old not wanting overnight stays. If he believes that his ex has influenced this, he could ask a Court for "wishes and desires", where Cafcass or a Social Worker would visit the child without either parent present, and report back to the Court their findings, what would if the child wants to or not, and why.

b, Assumptions are made regarding children under 10 needing quality time with both parents. However, he does not have the required things for this.  While it is acceptable for contact for a child under 10, or of the same sex to share an adult with a parent, the child needs to have its own bed. (Camp or anything like a blow up air bed is ok). I know you can get the for about a tenner at places like Tesco and Argos, and to be fair, there will be other places that sell them.

Legally its nothing to do with his ex's parent, but my suggestion at this stage is writing to her. State that

a, As no Court Order exists, you having PR puts you on the same legal standing are her.

b, That the 6 year old has a legal right to quality time with both parents, what a court would uphold by putting in at the very least contact along the lines of Friday till Sunday, every 2 weeks and up to half school holidays.

c, (only if questioning the reasons for the 11 year old), That the 11 year old in law is old enough for  you to ask a court for a "Wishes and Desires" report, what you intend to do unless you have the chance to speck to him/her alone about this.

d, Set out what contact your looking for and what the sleeping arrangements would be. It would normally be alternate weekends, unless your work patten or other things make that not workable. It comes down to your availability, not her preferred days/times.

e, Make it clear that this is "Quality Time" you want with the child, and that your more than willing to help out with other things, like the school run, any occasional babysitting in addition to this.

Send it by recorded delivery and give her 14 days to respond. State in your letter if she does not do this, you will go down the legal route to ensure the children's rights are carried out. This will mean instructing a Mediation Company and then if she did not attend, or there is "Deadlock" (they give you a letter) then applying to Court for a Child Arrangements Order.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#4
Hi
I asked the 11 year old and she said she didn't want to stay as she doesn't like my mum's house but once I get my own place she would which I can understand and I won't force her to do something she doesn't want to do

I also do the school run as my ex partner has "depression" and she won't walk the 11 year old to the bus stop and there is no way on this earth I'm letting her walk on her own and wait opposite a common in these dark mornings

I also take the 6 year old to school as if I didn't ex partner's auntie who works at the school would and I see it as a bit of extra time I can spend with them both and as I have to sign him in there is proof I do it if I went to court for custody

All I wanted and my son wanted was to have a sleepover

Ex also wants me to take my name of the council tenancy which I am refusing to do
Reply
#5
(01-07-2017, 05:49 PM)unhappydadof2 Wrote: Hi
I asked the 11 year old and she said she didn't want to stay as she doesn't like my mum's house but once I get my own place she would which I can understand and I won't force her to do something she doesn't want to do

I also do the school run as my ex partner has "depression" and she won't walk the 11 year old to the bus stop and there is no way on this earth I'm letting her walk on her own and wait opposite a common in these dark mornings

I also take the 6 year old to school as if I didn't ex partner's auntie who works at the school would and I see it as a bit of extra time I can  spend with them both and as I have to sign him in there is proof I do it if I went to court for custody

All I wanted and my son wanted was to have a sleepover

Ex also wants me to take my name of the council tenancy which I am refusing to do

You need to take your name off, or any arrears that build up they can come after  you.

Under the Social Housing Fraud Act, you have to tell the Council by law, in under 28 days of it not being your Primary Home.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#6
I think I'm going to try mediation as tonight she said the kids want a sleepover at her mum's and I asked why is ok for them to stay there but not with me and she started getting all funny

Does anyone know the cost of mediation as I only work 24 hours a week and I'm on a limited income
Reply
#7
(01-07-2017, 08:49 PM)unhappydadof2 Wrote: I think I'm going to try mediation as tonight she said the kids want a sleepover at her mum's and I asked why is ok for them to stay there but not with me and she started getting all funny

Does anyone know the cost of mediation as I only work 24 hours a week and I'm on a limited income

You can get Legal Aid, so contact a Mediation Company who does it on that.

You might also be able to get help with the Court application fee, if it goes that far. You will need to speck to the court office.

However, you will not be able to get Legal Aid after Mediation.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#8
Update
Last night she asked if wanted to look after the kids whilst she went out I said yes then she let her parents have them overnight
And tonight she asked if I wanted to have them at the house I said yes as then I could tuck them in and read my boy a story which we both like doing then she decided to tell me I had to pick them up and drop them back to her mums again as that what her mum said I was not happy with this as i didn't finish work untill 7pm and I would have had to take them out for dinner then drop them back so I would have only seen then for an hour or so
She is on anti depressants so should not be drinking I really am thinking of moving back in and going for custody
She has also messaged me saying the locks have been changed yet I'm still on the tenancy so i don't think she can do that
Reply
#9
(01-28-2017, 11:30 PM)unhappydadof2 Wrote: Update
Last night she asked if wanted to look after the kids whilst she went out I said yes then she let her parents have them overnight
And tonight she asked if I wanted to have them at the house I said yes as then I could tuck them in and read my boy a story which we both like doing  then she decided to tell me I had to pick them up and drop them back to her mums again as that what her mum said  I was not happy with this as i didn't finish work untill 7pm and I would have had to take them out for dinner then drop them back so I would have only seen then for an hour or so
She is on anti depressants so should not be drinking I really am thinking of moving back in and going for custody
She has also messaged me saying the locks have been changed yet I'm still on the tenancy so i don't think she can do that

If you have not been in the house for 30 days, or its no longer your Primary Home she can.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#10
When u say not been In the house do u mean sleeping ?
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Contact / overnight stay issues MrMoggs5832 12 17,286 03-05-2017, 02:37 AM
Last Post: SimonS



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)