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12yr old refusing to visit.
#1
Hi, I'm just on here to gather some advice/opinions from other folk. Basically I have a 12yr old boy with my ex. We were married for 10yrs and have been divorced for the last 8yrs. She has re married and has a 3yr old and I now have a 9month old with my partner. My ex has been awkward ever since we split up. Due to my line of work having regular contact has always been an issue as I work 3 weekends out of 5 and the 2 weekends I do have off are back to back. I have paid maintenance ever since the off. For the last 7yrs it has been £240 a month and I have not missed a single payment.

The problem I have is this. My son lives approx 1 hr from me. I would say 95% of the time when I was seeing him I would travel to fetch and him and return him and on the odd occasion my ex did agree to meet half way. She has been with the same bloke since we split up and they are now married and have their 3yr old. From approx the age of 5 my son has been "encouraged" to call this bloke daddy and has on numerous occasions referred to him as dad in front of me before realising what he has said.Whenever my son has been with me he was constantly getting text messages and pics via his Ipad off his mum saying how they were all missing him. He very rarely spent  more than 2 nights with me anyway and I have seen messages that his mum has sent my son saying that I don't love him and hat her partner does. My son has not stayed with me and my partner who I have been with for the last 5yrs since Feb 2016. He has seen his brother 3 times and for no more than 4 hrs in total since he was born in April 2016. He very rarely returns my text messages and i if do call him its all 1 word answers pretty much.

I have now come to the end of my tether. I have no doubt that he will never come and stay at my house again. I feel like I don't know my son at all and he doesn't want to know us as a family. As far as he is concerned his family is now where he lives with his mother, her husband and his sister. I have just cancelled the direct debit for my payments to my ex. Nothing ever went through the courts and it has all been agreed privately between us. I am at the point of saying go and live your life and I will move on with my mine. He also refuses to use my surname although he is registered under my name at school. 

I'm just wandering If anyone else has had anything similar? Am I correct is thinking that if I agreed for him to change his name to her new surname then I don't have to pay the maintenance anymore or would he have to be officially adopted? Its not that I have an issue paying however I feel like I am getting nothing out of it at all and she certainly doesn't encourage our son to stay in touch with his biological father!!
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#2
(01-07-2017, 02:09 PM)Theo2016 Wrote: Hi, I'm just on here to gather some advice/opinions from other folk. Basically I have a 12yr old boy with my ex. We were married for 10yrs and have been divorced for the last 8yrs. She has re married and has a 3yr old and I now have a 9month old with my partner. My ex has been awkward ever since we split up. Due to my line of work having regular contact has always been an issue as I work 3 weekends out of 5 and the 2 weekends I do have off are back to back. I have paid maintenance ever since the off. For the last 7yrs it has been £240 a month and I have not missed a single payment.

The problem I have is this. My son lives approx 1 hr from me. I would say 95% of the time when I was seeing him I would travel to fetch and him and return him and on the odd occasion my ex did agree to meet half way. She has been with the same bloke since we split up and they are now married and have their 3yr old. From approx the age of 5 my son has been "encouraged" to call this bloke daddy and has on numerous occasions referred to him as dad in front of me before realising what he has said.Whenever my son has been with me he was constantly getting text messages and pics via his Ipad off his mum saying how they were all missing him. He very rarely spent  more than 2 nights with me anyway and I have seen messages that his mum has sent my son saying that I don't love him and hat her partner does. My son has not stayed with me and my partner who I have been with for the last 5yrs since Feb 2016. He has seen his brother 3 times and for no more than 4 hrs in total since he was born in April 2016. He very rarely returns my text messages and i if do call him its all 1 word answers pretty much.

I have now come to the end of my tether. I have no doubt that he will never come and stay at my house again. I feel like I don't know my son at all and he doesn't want to know us as a family. As far as he is concerned his family is now where he lives with his mother, her husband and his sister. I have just cancelled the direct debit for my payments to my ex. Nothing ever went through the courts and it has all been agreed privately between us. I am at the point of saying go and live your life and I will move on with my mine. He also refuses to use my surname although he is registered under my name at school. 

I'm just wandering If anyone else has had anything similar? Am I correct is thinking that if I agreed for him to change his name to her new surname then I don't have to pay the maintenance anymore or would he have to be officially adopted? Its not that I have an issue paying however I feel like I am getting nothing out of it at all and she certainly doesn't encourage our son to stay in touch with his biological father!!

Regardless of name, the natural father under UK law has to support the chiild, and if it can not be agreed between parents, where everyone in the case is in the UK, CMS are the enforcing authority. This liablity remains, until you ex no longer gets Child Benefit, what might be at 16, or 19 if the Education Run On is awarded. http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
(01-07-2017, 02:55 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-07-2017, 02:09 PM)Theo2016 Wrote: Hi, I'm just on here to gather some advice/opinions from other folk. Basically I have a 12yr old boy with my ex. We were married for 10yrs and have been divorced for the last 8yrs. She has re married and has a 3yr old and I now have a 9month old with my partner. My ex has been awkward ever since we split up. Due to my line of work having regular contact has always been an issue as I work 3 weekends out of 5 and the 2 weekends I do have off are back to back. I have paid maintenance ever since the off. For the last 7yrs it has been £240 a month and I have not missed a single payment.

The problem I have is this. My son lives approx 1 hr from me. I would say 95% of the time when I was seeing him I would travel to fetch and him and return him and on the odd occasion my ex did agree to meet half way. She has been with the same bloke since we split up and they are now married and have their 3yr old. From approx the age of 5 my son has been "encouraged" to call this bloke daddy and has on numerous occasions referred to him as dad in front of me before realising what he has said.Whenever my son has been with me he was constantly getting text messages and pics via his Ipad off his mum saying how they were all missing him. He very rarely spent  more than 2 nights with me anyway and I have seen messages that his mum has sent my son saying that I don't love him and hat her partner does. My son has not stayed with me and my partner who I have been with for the last 5yrs since Feb 2016. He has seen his brother 3 times and for no more than 4 hrs in total since he was born in April 2016. He very rarely returns my text messages and i if do call him its all 1 word answers pretty much.

I have now come to the end of my tether. I have no doubt that he will never come and stay at my house again. I feel like I don't know my son at all and he doesn't want to know us as a family. As far as he is concerned his family is now where he lives with his mother, her husband and his sister. I have just cancelled the direct debit for my payments to my ex. Nothing ever went through the courts and it has all been agreed privately between us. I am at the point of saying go and live your life and I will move on with my mine. He also refuses to use my surname although he is registered under my name at school. 

I'm just wandering If anyone else has had anything similar? Am I correct is thinking that if I agreed for him to change his name to her new surname then I don't have to pay the maintenance anymore or would he have to be officially adopted? Its not that I have an issue paying however I feel like I am getting nothing out of it at all and she certainly doesn't encourage our son to stay in touch with his biological father!!

Regardless of name, the natural father under UK law has to support the chiild, and if it can not be agreed between parents, where everyone in the case is in the UK, CMS are the enforcing authority. This liablity remains, until you ex no longer gets Child Benefit, what might be at 16, or 19 if the Education Run On is awarded. http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19

Even when you have absolutely no say in your Childs upbringing and they don't want anything to do with you and refuses to engage!!
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#4
(01-07-2017, 03:19 PM)Theo2016 Wrote:
(01-07-2017, 02:55 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-07-2017, 02:09 PM)Theo2016 Wrote: Hi, I'm just on here to gather some advice/opinions from other folk. Basically I have a 12yr old boy with my ex. We were married for 10yrs and have been divorced for the last 8yrs. She has re married and has a 3yr old and I now have a 9month old with my partner. My ex has been awkward ever since we split up. Due to my line of work having regular contact has always been an issue as I work 3 weekends out of 5 and the 2 weekends I do have off are back to back. I have paid maintenance ever since the off. For the last 7yrs it has been £240 a month and I have not missed a single payment.

The problem I have is this. My son lives approx 1 hr from me. I would say 95% of the time when I was seeing him I would travel to fetch and him and return him and on the odd occasion my ex did agree to meet half way. She has been with the same bloke since we split up and they are now married and have their 3yr old. From approx the age of 5 my son has been "encouraged" to call this bloke daddy and has on numerous occasions referred to him as dad in front of me before realising what he has said.Whenever my son has been with me he was constantly getting text messages and pics via his Ipad off his mum saying how they were all missing him. He very rarely spent  more than 2 nights with me anyway and I have seen messages that his mum has sent my son saying that I don't love him and hat her partner does. My son has not stayed with me and my partner who I have been with for the last 5yrs since Feb 2016. He has seen his brother 3 times and for no more than 4 hrs in total since he was born in April 2016. He very rarely returns my text messages and i if do call him its all 1 word answers pretty much.

I have now come to the end of my tether. I have no doubt that he will never come and stay at my house again. I feel like I don't know my son at all and he doesn't want to know us as a family. As far as he is concerned his family is now where he lives with his mother, her husband and his sister. I have just cancelled the direct debit for my payments to my ex. Nothing ever went through the courts and it has all been agreed privately between us. I am at the point of saying go and live your life and I will move on with my mine. He also refuses to use my surname although he is registered under my name at school. 

I'm just wandering If anyone else has had anything similar? Am I correct is thinking that if I agreed for him to change his name to her new surname then I don't have to pay the maintenance anymore or would he have to be officially adopted? Its not that I have an issue paying however I feel like I am getting nothing out of it at all and she certainly doesn't encourage our son to stay in touch with his biological father!!

Regardless of name, the natural father under UK law has to support the chiild, and if it can not be agreed between parents, where everyone in the case is in the UK, CMS are the enforcing authority. This liablity remains, until you ex no longer gets Child Benefit, what might be at 16, or 19 if the Education Run On is awarded. http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19

Even when you have absolutely no say in your Childs upbringing and they don't want anything to do with you and refuses to engage!!

Thats the way UK Law is. Complaints by email or writing to your Local MP, as only they can do anything to change UK Law.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#5
Has anyone gone through anything similar?
Yes, as a rough guess, I would say one million dads in the UK. You haven't seen the waiting list for a family court. There's a few courts in England . They run from 9 to 4. Five days a week. Courts r snowed under. And I would guess 90% r dads not mums.
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