Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Got nowhere in 10 years... where do I go from here
#1
I have never written about my situation before, so I might ramble on a bit. Will try and get to the point without boring anyone and see if there is anyone who can give me any advice...

I have a daughter who is 11 in a couple of months. To cut a long story (relatively) short, I was never with her mother properly. She got pregnant when we were both young, but were always there for our daughter and tried to keep things amicable. 

When she was a baby I used to go over once to twice a week, do the usual dad things. Make dinner, put her to bed etc and this carried on for the first few years. Occasionally I would have her at mine or take her to see my family, but the majority of the time, my ex-partner (I'll call her tat to keep it simple) would want to be there. I had no problem this this, and was nice for my daughter to see we could all get on, but I always explained one day that would have to change.

Anyway, this pretty much went on until my daughter was 7. In this time I got into a new relationship with my current partner who was very understanding about the whole situation. It was around this time we purchased a new house together and I thought it was best to explain this to my ex-partner this wa happening.

She kicked off big time. I don't mean like the usual arguments people have have time to time. I mean she went crazy... crying hysterically, screaming at me the works. I did what what i thought was best, to leave them on that day and give them time to calm down.

This is when the major issues started happening. Within days i received a letter from her solicitor stating that I was no longer allowed to her see or contact my daughter. This was through direct or indirect emans and went for my family as well. My ex have very cleverly done the birth certificate without adding me on it when she was a baby, but had never been an issue before. (I know how stupid I was not sorting this sooner).

I respected this and was working out how best to approach the situation when I got a call from the police. They called to advise there had been an allegation of me sexually abusing my daughter (I hate even having to write these words) and I needed to be interviewed about it. Knowing I had done nothing wrong,  willingly went in and had the interview (worst thing I could ever imagine). I heard nothing for a few long weeks and eventually received a call from the police stating there was no evidence so the issue wasn't going to be taken any further.

From this point onwards I didn't want to put myself at risk of any further allegations and to avoid all the issues I completed ceased contact at that point.

About a year ago my ex-partner got back in contact, saying she wanted me in my daughters life and it wasn't fair for her to grow up without a dad. Obviously I have been very cautious and don't want to put myself at risk of being accused of anything, but at the same time want to be a father. I have arranged at met up with my ex and my daughter in a public setting, for coffee, lunch etc but don't want to have a relationship with my daughter like this.

I have been told many times, if i go though court my daughter will hate me (my daughter herself has said this - I don't know what she has been told) and that all these accusations will get dragged up.

I have suggested meeting at contact centres, but this has been refused.

I don't know where to go from here. My daughter has told me she doesn't want to go to court as she isn't comfortable talking to people about things. She said she had to do this when the police allegations came about and she doesn't want to go through this again.

I have told my ex i want to have parental responsibilities, and/or be put on the birth certificate, but again she has said I will have to go to court and they won't necessarily allow this. (I don't know if this is true, I have done a DNA test to prove I am the father but don' know if she can deny this).

I don't want to do from here. I don't want to give up on my daughter and not see her again. I don't want to carry on on my ex partners terms, seeing here now and again when she says with her being there. I don't want to go to court and more lies to be made up and my daughter to hate me even more. I just don know what i can do  Huh Huh  Sad
Reply
#2
My thoughts ... nothing legal here ... just thoughts and ideas

1. You need to sort out your name on birth certificate
2. Her solicitor is only writing to you to tell you what your ex says in the meeting - its not legal without a court order so it means very little - keep the letter as evidence
3. The allegations of abuse is an emotional reaction from the ex - no evidence or conviction means you are innocent dont let this hang over you
4. You should not have stopped contact but I understand why you did this
5. Meeting in public place seems sensible
6. Court may be your only option but you must get birth cert sorted and then need to go to mediation with your ex - you may be able to sort this without court... however don't let the threats put you off fighting to be involved with your daughter and really its naughty of your ex to tell your kid that you may go to court ...
7. Don't meet at contact centers - it implies guilt and you haven't done anything wrong
8. Good move getting a DNA test... you're either the dad or your not... who will try and deny it?

From here... why does your daughter think she has to go to court ... she doesn't does she? She may be asked her wishes (as she's over 10) and you hope she says she wants her dad in her life. Its a very different situation asking that and its not a criminal investigation ... even then I'm sure you could solve this without her being exposed to the courts, by letter maybe? (someone will know the answer to this ... not me, sorry)

You're ex is playing mind games re the PR - she has no idea what the courts will allow but they will want both parents to be involved in your daughters life and you now have a stable home and new relationship to allow that.

Go for it and good luck, i hope you and your daughter can have a great happy realtionship
Reply
#3
(01-10-2017, 12:34 PM)LTCDAD Wrote: My thoughts ... nothing legal here ... just thoughts and ideas

1. You need to sort out your name on birth certificate
2. Her solicitor is only writing to you to tell you what your ex says in the meeting - its not legal without a court order so it means very little - keep the letter as evidence
3. The allegations of abuse is an emotional reaction from the ex - no evidence or conviction means you are innocent dont let this hang over you
4. You should not have stopped contact but I understand why you did this
5. Meeting in public place seems sensible
6. Court may be your only option but you must get birth cert sorted and then need to go to mediation with your ex - you may be able to sort this without court... however don't let the threats put you off fighting to be involved with your daughter and really its naughty of your ex to tell your kid that you may go to court ...
7. Don't meet at contact centers - it implies guilt and you haven't done anything wrong
8. Good move getting a DNA test... you're either the dad or your not... who will try and deny it?

From here... why does your daughter think she has to go to court ... she doesn't does she? She may be asked her wishes (as she's over 10) and you hope she says she wants her dad in her life. Its a very different situation asking that and its not a criminal investigation ... even then I'm sure you could solve this without her being exposed to the courts, by letter maybe? (someone will know the answer to this ... not me, sorry)

You're ex is playing mind games re the PR - she has no idea what the courts will allow but they will want both parents to be involved in your daughters life and you now have a stable home and new relationship to allow that.

Go for it and good luck, i hope you and your daughter can have a great happy realtionship

Due to the past alligations, there is no need for Mediation. Its a straightforward applicaiton to Court on a C100, for PR and a Child Arrangments Order.

The starting point is the childs right to quality time with both parents, and the only thing what will change this, is if the chid is over 10 (12 in Scotland), if a "wishes and desires" report is done.

Unless your ex can evidance Child Welare/Protection Issues, her opinion on things does not come into it.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)