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Newly Separated Dad
#1
Hi

This is my first post on here….

To be honest, it is 0150am here and i am up and really struggling after a horrible week so far.

My partner walked out on Monday with my 4 year old son, with no explanation or with no warning. She left me a note to say she has left with my son, and not to contact them. I have no idea why. I have requested to see my son through 3rd parties and solicitors - however, she is refusing to let me see him and i don't know why. Its killing me. All i have is photos to look at and videos to watch, which is really not helping me at this time of night. Just cannot contain my emotions. Have not slept since Sunday night and feeling low.

Are there any helplines out there - i can't seem to find any.
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#2
(01-13-2017, 01:48 AM)GK55 Wrote: Hi

This is my first post on here….

To be honest, it is 0150am here and i am up and really struggling after a horrible week so far.

My partner walked out on Monday with my 4 year old son, with no explanation or with no warning. She left me a note to say she has left with my son, and not to contact them. I have no idea why. I have requested to see my son through 3rd parties and solicitors - however, she is refusing to let me see him and i don't know why. Its killing me. All i have is photos to look at and videos to watch, which is really not helping me at this time of night. Just cannot contain my emotions. Have not slept since Sunday night and feeling low.

Are there any helplines out there - i can't seem to find any.

The fact she has requested it, could not lead to a None Molestation Application if you did contact her, however, assuming you have PR for the Child if you can not contact her, she has to have acceptable provision for sorting out child arrangements. Its not her decision on contact with the child, only a court can stop you contacting him, until he is 18.

With PR, the law requires her to seek your opinion on medical and education matters, but as a resident parent, she would have the final say.

Until the child is 10, he has the right to "Quality Time" with both parents, and only if there was Child Welfare/Protection Issues would that change.

The way forward is direct to court, using exemption from Mediation under "Whereabouts Not Known".

Fill in a form C100, if you do not have PR ask for that, and also state that your ex has relocated your son without telling you, and you want to apply for Child Arrangements.

They give you a form to fill in, and the court will locate her using Police, DVLA, HNS, HMRC, Benefits Agency and any other Government or Local Authority Controlled Agency.

You file at your local court, however, she can apply to change the location to her local County Court, once found. Its normal for a case to be listed where the Child is located.

The vary least contact you would get is along the lines of Friday till Sunday, every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays. Depending on distance, it might be you can get mid week visits/stay overs as well.

Indirect contact can also be part of an order (telephone/social media).

Court Application fee is £215, but this can be reduced if on a low income, or free on some means tested benefits (speck to the court office on this).

While you can use a Solicitor, you will not get legal aid for this, but you can Self Represent, like most people on her have.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
Really sorry to hear this mate. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now.

Try to remain calm, and come up with a short-term plan you can focus on to get access to your kid, and to prevent your Ex dictating the rules.

MarkR makes some great suggestions. If in doubt, get your ass down the citizens advice bureau.
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#4
Hi,

How do you see the mental capability and stability of your partner? Do you have any concerns?

It is not normal behaviour unless something came up.

I would agree and believe you have to bring this to court if your ex is not open for any communication.

There is thousands of Dads out there rowing the same boat. Try not to be by yourself for the next couple of weeks and always remember this is a long term 'game' and if you lose one battle you have not lost the war.

There is great advise and great Dads on this forum to help you through this.

You can also drop a PM if you wanna talk...

F.
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#5
Sorry to pick up one point made. " the least you will get is fort nightly" regarding contact. Not correct. You can get a lot less .
For Gk 55, think you have grounds to make an emergency application. Check on courts website and get app in Monday morning
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#6
(01-13-2017, 05:51 PM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

How do you see the mental capability and stability of your partner? Do you have any concerns?

It is not normal behaviour unless something came up.

I would agree and believe you have to bring this to court if your ex is not open for any communication.

There is thousands of Dads out there rowing the same boat. Try not to be by yourself for the next couple of weeks and always remember this is a long term 'game' and if you lose one battle you have not lost the war.

There is great advise and great Dads on this forum to help you through this.

You can also drop a PM if you wanna talk...

F.

Hi there 

I believe, and have done for a long time that my partners mental health is extremely fragile - i have flagging this up over the last 4 years with both her parents, both of my parents, health visitors and personal friends of mine. I have also discussed this matter with her and she openly admits she has problems. I have evidence of this, in the form of an email she sent to her dad recently to say she was struggling to cope and none is helping her etc. I've tried but i can only do so much without professional help. It results in anger issues, and off the rails behaviours I've never seen in anyone before. These are along standing problems.

I genuinely fear for the safety of my son. This is not about 'point scoring', but i genuinely believe some serious harm could come to him if he stays with her. I may not be perfect, none is, and i've felt low this last week as i believe any father or mother would, but i believe he is 100% safer in my care in the meantime.

I have been to a solicitor, and on Friday gathered his birth certificate and got a writ into the court to state i believe he could be in danger and i want him back full-time in the house until the issue is resolved. I'm not holding out much hope if I'm honest - i never hear of these things going for the father.

In the background i have been gathering lots of evidence that i have concerns and that she has admitted she is 'fragile' mentally. I have emails to her parents that she sent, and mutual friends have decided to come forward to to back up my concerns. I have seen my partner mistreat my son, and never reported it at the time - i don't know what i was thinking or if i was a trying to protect the family unit, but these WILL be aired now that the writ is in court.

My partner used to be in a long term relationship with an (ex) friend of mine, who has heard about what has happened and is also going to come forward. I believe when they were together she accused him of various things. A police complaint was made against her at the time by his parents re: false accusations.

Again, this is not about point scoring, but i need the relevant authorities etc to hear my concerns and what has happened over the years behind closed doors. And i can prove it.

She told me i could see him Fri and Sat night this weekend and 15 mins before i was due to pick him up, cancelled through my solicitor - i was devastated. Now she is saying i can see him 10-4 (6 hours only) next Saturday - meaning i will have seen him 7hrs, 10mins in 2 weeks, which is disgusting. There is no court order and i can go and see him, but i am keeping the peace and trying to stay clean.

I had the police at my door - she had accused me of trying to remove him from nursery. Nursery confirmed that this was untrue and that i had visited to watch him play sport, as other parents also do.

On a final point - health visitors. I have had various meetings with ours over the last week - it concerns me that she doesn't seem very independent and that anything i air seems to be turned round on me - is this normal?

Very tough week all in all. Weekends without my boy are horrible.

(01-14-2017, 03:17 AM)jamesbond Wrote: Sorry to pick up one point made. " the least you will get is fort nightly" regarding contact. Not correct. You can get a lot less .
For Gk 55, think you have grounds to make an emergency application. Check on courts website and get app in Monday morning

Would this be the same as the 'writ' put into court friday afternoon?

If the court deem he needs to come home, and i have made justifications why he should, she has 4 hours to return him to the house or they will search for him and return him.

Is that the same as the emergency application? Apologies, this is all new to me, and i have been taking advice from my solicitor.
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