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Going through separation
#1
Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
Reply
#2
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01 Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.
Sorry guys, finger trouble on the reply!!!! Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul
Reply
#4
(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01 Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01 Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.
Sorry guys, finger trouble on the reply!!!! Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have
There is still 1 part of info missing, what is how many years have you had the mortgage?


As far as the law is concerned, any money that you got during the relationship is considered to be "Family Money", so your considered to of paid half each on the mortgage. For finantiall settlement, any cash from the relationship should be 50/50 after any bills have been paid, regardless of who's name it is in.


I am going to estimate you was 16 years into a 30 year mortgage term, so you might need to recalculate this if its wrong.


The starting point is this 40k deposit, what amounts to about 30%. Either this is your cash pre dating the relationship, or its 15% each.


So 70% is still not paid for, at that point.


16 years into a 30 year mortgage term means 52% of the remaining 70% has been paid.

So here we have 36% has been paid by family money, so 18% each.


So at this moment in time, you might own 48%, or it might be 33%, depending on this deposit, with your ex owning either 33% or 18%.


So right now, its 66% paid overall.


A court will force a sale, once your ex no longer gets Child Benefit for any Young Person. However, you might be able to sort things yourself.


Estimate how much the house is worth, taking off normal sale costs.

You need to find out the early settlement amount for your current mortgage, taking into account any fees.

This gives you an idea on the current expected profit situation, so for her to buy you out she needs to pay you either 48 or 33% of this profit.


She would need to be able to obtain a mortgage in her own name, for at least the settlement amount.

If she can raise more its better, even if not the full amount. Any shortfall in what she does not pay right now, can be sorted by putting a charge on the house, so you get paid on its sale. You would have to make your own arrangements, but your only liability would then be Child Support.


You could buy her out, again getting your own mortgage in place, paying your ex 33% or 18% of the expected profit. Again, using a charge on the house if you can not raise the funds.


You could remain if you can agree on how pays what towards the mortgage. If not 50/50, then further calculations would take this into account.


Another option is you moving out, but you would still have to pay the mortgage on this house. However, as you have to pay your own rent etc else where, there is provision for you to short child support if your paying the mortgage for a house you do not live in, but he child does. Your ex would normally get cash, so on further workings out, its assumed she paid the shorted amount towards the mortgage. In your situation, this will not go on for long as Child Benefit will end the summer after 19th birthday at the latest. Your liability in this case would be Mortgage, Council Tax Bill and Child Support, with option to reduce it due to the Mortgage Payments.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#5
(01-18-2017, 08:26 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01 Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01 Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.
Sorry guys, finger trouble on the reply!!!! Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have
There is still 1 part of info missing, what is how many years have you had the mortgage?


As far as the law is concerned, any money that you got during the relationship is considered to be "Family Money", so your considered to of paid half each on the mortgage. For finantiall settlement, any cash from the relationship should be 50/50 after any bills have been paid, regardless of who's name it is in.


I am going to estimate you was 16 years into a 30 year mortgage term, so you might need to recalculate this if its wrong.


The starting point is this 40k deposit, what amounts to about 30%. Either this is your cash pre dating the relationship, or its 15% each.


So 70% is still not paid for, at that point.


16 years into a 30 year mortgage term means 52% of the remaining 70% has been paid.

So here we have 36% has been paid by family money, so 18% each.


So at this moment in time, you might own 48%, or it might be 33%, depending on this deposit, with your ex owning either 33% or 18%.


So right now, its 66% paid overall.


A court will force a sale, once your ex no longer gets Child Benefit for any Young Person. However, you might be able to sort things yourself.


Estimate how much the house is worth, taking off normal sale costs.

You need to find out the early settlement amount for your current mortgage, taking into account any fees.

This gives you an idea on the current expected profit situation, so for her to buy you out she needs to pay you either 48 or 33% of this profit.


She would need to be able to obtain a mortgage in her own name, for at least the settlement amount.

If she can raise more its better, even if not the full amount. Any shortfall in what she does not pay right now, can be sorted by putting a charge on the house, so you get paid on its sale. You would have to make your own arrangements, but your only liability would then be Child Support.


You could buy her out, again getting your own mortgage in place, paying your ex 33% or 18% of the expected profit. Again, using a charge on the house if you can not raise the funds.


You could remain if you can agree on how pays what towards the mortgage. If not 50/50, then further calculations would take this into account.


Another option is you moving out, but you would still have to pay the mortgage on this house. However, as you have to pay your own rent etc else where, there is provision for you to short child support if your paying the mortgage for a house you do not live in, but he child does. Your ex would normally get cash, so on further workings out, its assumed she paid the shorted amount towards the mortgage. In your situation, this will not go on for long as Child Benefit will end the summer after 19th birthday at the latest. Your liability in this case would be Mortgage, Council Tax Bill and Child Support, with option to reduce it due to the Mortgage Payments.
Wow, you really know what you are talking about Mark, thank you!

I would ideally like to keep the ex in the family home and get another place of my own. I have a question. As mentioned, myself and wife are beneficiaries in two wills. The properties bequeathed are together worth around £500k. Would a workable option perhaps be to release equity from the current home, allowing me to move on with the proviso that I would continue to pay the existing mortgage and then relenquish my slice of the inheritance?
Reply
#6
(01-19-2017, 09:19 AM)kenpoguy01 Wrote:
(01-18-2017, 08:26 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01 Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01 Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.

(01-18-2017, 09:58 AM)kenpoguy01Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have to survive.With thanks,Paul Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 08:45 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(01-17-2017, 12:11 PM)kenpoguy01 Wrote: Hi chaps, Thank you for letting me join the group.

I have been married for 20+ years. My wife is an amazing woman but I have fallen out of love with her over the past five years. I still love her as a friend but not as a wife. We are both in our early 50’s. I suffered a heart attack last year and this really made me take stock of my situation and happiness. We have two great kids Robbie, nearly 18 and Holly 19. We also have a house worth circa £400k with a £90k mortgage.
 
We have been living separate lives for the past 6 weeks. I sleep in the lounge and we cook separately. It looks likely that we will split for good but I am worried about the finances. Currently we share the bills/living costs 50/50. I put a deposit of £40k down on our house 16 years ago.
 
My question is as follows. Could this possibly be a clean break situation or would I have to continue paying my half of everything for the rest of my life? Ideally, we do not want to go to court and keep things amicable by wife wants this too.

I am unsure about ongoing maintenance payments too. My daughter is now working but my son is at 6th form.

Do I have any chance of moving on? Could I use the equity from my house as a deposit?
 
Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
A bit more detail is needed regarding the house, to know the overall picture.

How many years is your mortgage for? How many years into it are you now?

To Confirm was purchase price £130,000? How did this 40k exist (was it from the relationship or not, and can you evidence this if need be?

Once this is known, ill give you an idea on the overall picture.

The law says you have to pay Child Support if you ex is still getting the Education Run on of Child Benefit http://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19 As you can see, some work is permitted while claiming Child Benefit, if there is also education going on.

This is the 0 staying contact amount in your current situation. http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

How things should work, is you ex should claim for herself and the children http://www.entitledto.co.uk so she has what the law says she needs. Your Child Support payment is not counted for means tested benefits.

She should be paying for all their normal day to day costs (food, cloths, utility's)  and you should only be paying for your own usage, for example
With 4 in the house, 30-35% of Utility's, half the council tax bill before any reductions (unless you are entitled to Council Tax  Reduction in your own right) and with Land line phone, broadband and TV Services, it depends on your usage.

If she does not get Child Benefit for any Young person, then as they are over 18, its up to you and your ex to agree on any keep money they have to pay if they have an income. If you are going to give them any cash, do it direct to them (if you give it your ex, its income when looking at her benefits). The status of any financial support you give your children direct has no legal bearing on your separation financial statement.

In terms of spouse maintenance, it comes down to what position your ex was in at the start, and now, and how long it would take to get her back to where she was, if disadvantaged due to family needs.
Sorry guys, finger trouble on the reply!!!! Hi MarkR, thank you so much for the comprehensive reply. Ok so to give a little more detail. There is officially 15 years left on the mortgage paying circa £650 per month. I have however been overpaying to bring the term down to 9 years. My payments have been £1000 per month. The deposit was put down from my inheritance following my parents passing. I would like nothing more than to be able to keep the family in the house if possible. My wages are approx £2600 per month. I cannot see how I could manage this. Equity release perhaps? Without sounding crass. Myself and my wife are beneficiaries in 2 wills. Both are assigning property across to us. If the house was to be sold, do you think I would come out with anything? I am not looking to take away anyones lifestyle but do have
There is still 1 part of info missing, what is how many years have you had the mortgage?


As far as the law is concerned, any money that you got during the relationship is considered to be "Family Money", so your considered to of paid half each on the mortgage. For finantiall settlement, any cash from the relationship should be 50/50 after any bills have been paid, regardless of who's name it is in.


I am going to estimate you was 16 years into a 30 year mortgage term, so you might need to recalculate this if its wrong.


The starting point is this 40k deposit, what amounts to about 30%. Either this is your cash pre dating the relationship, or its 15% each.


So 70% is still not paid for, at that point.


16 years into a 30 year mortgage term means 52% of the remaining 70% has been paid.

So here we have 36% has been paid by family money, so 18% each.


So at this moment in time, you might own 48%, or it might be 33%, depending on this deposit, with your ex owning either 33% or 18%.


So right now, its 66% paid overall.


A court will force a sale, once your ex no longer gets Child Benefit for any Young Person. However, you might be able to sort things yourself.


Estimate how much the house is worth, taking off normal sale costs.

You need to find out the early settlement amount for your current mortgage, taking into account any fees.

This gives you an idea on the current expected profit situation, so for her to buy you out she needs to pay you either 48 or 33% of this profit.


She would need to be able to obtain a mortgage in her own name, for at least the settlement amount.

If she can raise more its better, even if not the full amount. Any shortfall in what she does not pay right now, can be sorted by putting a charge on the house, so you get paid on its sale. You would have to make your own arrangements, but your only liability would then be Child Support.


You could buy her out, again getting your own mortgage in place, paying your ex 33% or 18% of the expected profit. Again, using a charge on the house if you can not raise the funds.


You could remain if you can agree on how pays what towards the mortgage. If not 50/50, then further calculations would take this into account.


Another option is you moving out, but you would still have to pay the mortgage on this house. However, as you have to pay your own rent etc else where, there is provision for you to short child support if your paying the mortgage for a house you do not live in, but he child does. Your ex would normally get cash, so on further workings out, its assumed she paid the shorted amount towards the mortgage. In your situation, this will not go on for long as Child Benefit will end the summer after 19th birthday at the latest. Your liability in this case would be Mortgage, Council Tax Bill and Child Support, with option to reduce it due to the Mortgage Payments.
Wow, you really know what you are talking about Mark, thank you!

I would ideally like to keep the ex in the family home and get another place of my own. I have a question. As mentioned, myself and wife are beneficiaries in two wills. The properties bequeathed are together worth around £500k. Would a workable option perhaps be to release equity from the current home, allowing me to move on with the proviso that I would continue to pay the existing mortgage and then relenquish my slice of the inheritance?
Until the date you inherit, it can not be considered.

What it comes down to is people can change wills etc.

As you are now separated, anything you get now is not going to be considered as a Family Money or Asset automatically. If you inherit in just your name its yours, if the will or other documents name both of you, then you will have to divide it up between you both.

I think the way forward is ensuring your ex is applying for anything she can http://www.entiltedto.co.uk and then get her to look into how much she could raise on a mortgage, so see if she can buy you out giving you some funds or not.

The only other option is a Sell and Rent back. There is company's that do this, but they normally pay 65%-70% of the current value, but do the deal in under 3 weeks. The then rent it back on a long term agreement. In this situation if the deposit was in law family money, pay the mortgage and any bills of, so your in a clean break, and 50/50 it.  If the deposit was separate, then if the house sells at 70%, you need to take off 30% from the 40 k, then you get that before any left over cash is split 50/50. The downside is you will lost some profit, but in 3 weeks you can both move on.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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