Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Issues with Ex and Partner
#1
Hello everyone im looking for some advice..

Me and My Childs Mum split over 2 years ago.. and ever since then she has been so bitter towards me. She left me with so much debt so in the first 7/8 months I couldn't afford to pay her hardly anything. However when our child stayed at my house she was treated like a princess. We are now year down the line and my child is 3 years old. And the arrangement we had was that she would stay with me from Friday eve till Sunday eve every week. I also work long hours everyday and do not get any time to myself. As much as I love having her there it is a lot and again I do not get any free time to myself. My ex Partner also works all week so doesn't see our child apart from Morning and Evening. So she is not spending any time with her mother.

She moved my Child into her Partners house without consulting me first or me even knowing she was with someone, which I think is compeltley out of line and since they have been together I have had nothing but grief. Slanderous and disgusting comments made about me on social media, threats via Texts and verbally. When I have done nothing to the lad and I don't know him. He has a child that he has on a weekend and I strongly feel like my Ex puts him and his child before her own, hence why she doesn't have her at all on a weekend and never offers to when I have pre made plans. And if I dare to ask I am made out the be the worst parent in the world. Every time I take her home I can guarantee a phone call accusing me of something or saying ive not done something.

The whole thing is making me ill... and effecting my Job.

Money - I currently pay her £120 per month.. and have done for 2 years now. Someone a little bit more if I can afford it. Also when I receive my Bonus from work I have given money around £80-£100 to help buy things. Which that money has been used on her and her partner not our Child.

She now wants extra Money per month to make up for when I couldn't pay her.. which I have reasons for. But refuses to pay anything towards to debt she left me in. (around £1200)

She is just pushing the goal posts all the time

Can anyone offer me any advice
Reply
#2
Hi J,

If I were you, I would use the CMS calculator to find out what she would get if she got them after you..... I would guess that it is more than the £120 you are currently paying. From what I have seen from others on here, you should do whatever you can to keep CMS out of it so maybe pay her more, based on the calculator results.

Unfortunately it doesn't matter what she has done to you, what debt she has left you in etc..... that has nothing to do with supporting your child financially.
Reply
#3
I'll offer you some tough love...

Ignore the texts and social media crap.. block them... you report to your daughters smile not your ex's insecurities
Her new partner is also insecure if he's wasting his phone bill on sending you texts - block him - you'll be saving him money
Get a plan in place that gives her access every other weekend (for example)... kid needs QUALITY time with both parents and at the moment all she seems to do at the mothers is sleep
Everyone on here is the worse PARENT in the world .... luckily all our kids think we are the best DADS in the world so work to that
Love those phone calls and texts about how sh*t I am - her issue not yours. People forget to pack a hat or a drink... it happens, again ignore the texts or calls unless its about the immediate welfare of your child

Don't let it get to you - you need to be strong so you can be strong for the kids. You choose how you react to your ex. At the moment she knows she is getting to you and that i whey she does it ... see above... you need to block a few numbers and FB contacts and ignore a few texts and emails.

If you can , pay what CMS say (and its similar to what you pay now) but no more. Bank transfer, never cash.
Don't give her a little bit more if you can afford it. Save it in a bank account for your daughter.
Bonus time - consult with the ex what your kids needs and go shopping - don't hand over cash to the ex
If you suspect your handouts are going on another fellas kid - then take control back today
I trust you know where the shops are and honestly I took my girl shopping in the sales at the weekend and it was hilarious - i just walked in and said to the shop assistant "sort that out". My daughter knew what she wanted and she's not much older than yours.

You may need to have a 'payback plan' but do it formally and don't let the ex dictate the conditions. CAB may give you some advice here.

Its 'moving' the goal posts, not pushing ;-) and they all do it.... but look out if you want to move them 1/2 an inch - all hell breaks loose.

So here's your plan:
1. Look after yourself - no good to your kid all stressed and ill and not working
2. You report to your kids face - it will let you know you're a good dad, nothing else matters
3. Set some boundaries ... you don't like getting slagged off on social media? Don't read social media or block them so they can't - it makes them feel better about the bad people they are... its not your problem, you can't control it, but you can control when someone sees you in a park with your daughter and she's having a great time - that's real life not what idiots put on Facebook
Reply
#4
(01-26-2017, 01:53 PM)complexkane Wrote: Hi J,

If I were you, I would use the CMS calculator to find out what she would get if she got them after you..... I would guess that it is more than the £120 you are currently paying. From what I have seen from others on here, you should do whatever you can to keep CMS out of it so maybe pay her more, based on the calculator results.

Unfortunately it doesn't matter what she has done to you, what debt she has left you in etc..... that has nothing to do with supporting your child financially.

I have done that and she is only due £25 per week.. So she has been getting £20+ extra each month for last 2 years.. But now wants £160 per month
Reply
#5
Excellent advice there LTCDad
Reply
#6
LTC Dad.. I have never looked at it that way. Thank you!

All I have done is taken Sh*t from them since they got together.. And its time I sorted it out.

I have a first meeting with Solicitor on Monday and am looking to get the ball rolling. I don't think she will agree to anything unless someone with Authority makes her
Reply
#7
This forum has been a breath of fresh air to be honest, its unbelievable how many dad's out there are going through the same thing.

I have been split with my ex for almost 3 years, I see my daughter every weekend, go to every parents evening, play, book read , school fair/show possible, pay my money directly each month, and I am still the worst parent in the world. After every weekend I get the same messages, how my daughter was begging to go home and I didn't let her, how every Friday/Saturday night she has to console her as she just doesn't want to come to mine. And the HV has told her she doesn't need to ''force'' her to come to mine, still every weekend I am there to pick her up and every time I pull up I'm greeted with the biggest smiling face, and we have the best time together. There have been lies all over social media, and to friends and family, probably the school and god knows who else.

I'm not going to lie, it still hurts me when I get these messages, though I've learned not to give her the satisfaction of knowing that and brush it off, and LTC dad is 100% right, its the look on her face that lets me know I'm doing doing a good job. And me and my new partner know what really goes on and thats all that matters. I still to this day do not know what her issue is and I will probably never find out, possibly jealousy that she enjoys her time with me, or that I have moved on (even though she has too), or maybe there is just no reason, other than just wanting to inflict misery on my life.
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Partner with access issues, please help foofighters72 2 3,358 02-28-2019, 07:13 PM
Last Post: MarkR



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)