Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
In need of help
#1
Hi Fellow fathers,

I am totally new to this and have been really depressed since me and my ex broke up. 

Since we broke up we had agreed never to let our issues affect the children however, it seems though my ex is being really difficult. At the start, she would let me keep the children over the weekend as I work Mon-Fri. I would take them on a Friday night and drop them to school on a Monday morning and she would deal with them after that. When I have the children she would call or text to find out how they were and I am extremely responsive and give her updates or let the children speak with her this, however, is not the case when she has the children.

She will not respond to my messages asking about the children and usually blocks me. Recently she has been giving me the children on a Friday night and taking them back on Sunday reducing the amount of time I am getting to spend with them which is totally unfair and I miss them dearly. 

As of last week, she has had the children the whole week and not let me seen them so I don't know what to do now.

Please can someone help me, it is totally unfair that being a father I am not able to see my children and I am so heartbroken that it hurts really bad.

Many thanks,
Reply
#2
(01-29-2017, 12:19 PM)MazzS Wrote: Hi Fellow fathers,

I am totally new to this and have been really depressed since me and my ex broke up. 

Since we broke up we had agreed never to let our issues affect the children however, it seems though my ex is being really difficult. At the start, she would let me keep the children over the weekend as I work Mon-Fri. I would take them on a Friday night and drop them to school on a Monday morning and she would deal with them after that. When I have the children she would call or text to find out how they were and I am extremely responsive and give her updates or let the children speak with her this, however, is not the case when she has the children.

She will not respond to my messages asking about the children and usually blocks me. Recently she has been giving me the children on a Friday night and taking them back on Sunday reducing the amount of time I am getting to spend with them which is totally unfair and I miss them dearly. 

As of last week, she has had the children the whole week and not let me seen them so I don't know what to do now.

Please can someone help me, it is totally unfair that being a father I am not able to see my children and I am so heartbroken that it hurts really bad.

Many thanks,

The first thing we need to check is that you have PR. You get this by being married to your ex on the day of birth, or by being present and signing the Birth Certificate. You can get it in other way, but you would know if you have done this.

If you do not have PR, and your ex is not willing to re register the births with you present, then you need to apply to court for it.

If you have PR (or once you get it), until a Child Arrangements Court Order (or Consent Order setting out arrangements for the child) exists, you on the same legal standing as her.

I have a feeling in this case, its Mediation before you will have the right to apply to Court, but you need to be realisable in what your expecting.

In a Court Situation, unless its by agreement, the normal starting point is Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks. This is as both parents need Quality Time, what is considered by the court to be weekends only in term time.

However, as she has allowed it to be till Monday in the past, you should go for that, and its up to her to show reason why it needs to be changed.

You might want to ask for 1 or 2 mid week visits, or say overs on the week you do not have the children.

Indirect contact can be part of an agreement/Court Order, for example, telephone calls, Social Media.

You will get up to half school holidays, but this is 6.5 weeks a year, so a 4 week plan might be better. This would be 1 week at Easter and Christmas, and 2 weeks in the summer (and a normal weekend).

While money changing hands has no bearing on a case, in terms of Child Support staying contact is considered, asides creates a reduction.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
Hi,

Sorry to hear about your situation and there is unfortunately very little at this moment in time you can do to re-establish contact with your children.

However it is now important that you act fast and if your ex does not respond or if you can't agree that this comes before a court for settlement.

I would now send your ex an email suggestion mediation about the situation. Parallel you ask a family mediation organisation (e.g. http://www.nfm.org.uk/) to invite your ex to mediation.

They will contact your ex and invite you both to what is called a MIAM. This is a initial assesssment from the mediator to establish what your case is about and if it's suitable for mediation.

If your ex refuses to show up or if the mediation fails you can apply to court to have the matter settled there.

How many children do you have? Do you have PR? How long as contact be going on before it now broke down? Are there any potential allegations of domestic violence coming your way? Anything happened lately which would have caused the behaviour from your ex? How is your living situation and how far are you away from your ex? How old are the children?

Try to give a few more details to work out how best to approach this in court.

Once contact is re-established I would recommend not to let your children speak with their mum, unless you really feel it upsets your children.

Your children and ex must learn that they have 2 homes now and that the times they are with you belongs to you and them only. 100%.

Your ex uses this to control the situation and to make them even more dependable from her. You also do not owe your ex anything to report on how contact went apart from important information such as medical issues for example.

You would need to stop that or your ex will make you dance after her fiddle all the time.

F.
Reply
#4
Hi, Thank you for your reply.

Yes, I have PR on both birth certificates. I have tried the medication route and asked for a 3rd party not related to either of us, she does not want to do that and wants her brother to do it only which would not be a fair deal for me. 

All I want is the opportunity to spend quality time with my children and have the opportunity to take part in their school and social life. I am not out to try and take the children away from her as I understand and value the role a mother plays in a child's life. As long as I can see my kids I am more than happy.

(01-29-2017, 12:45 PM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

Sorry to hear about your situation and there is unfortunately very little at this moment in time you can do to re-establish contact with your children.

However it is now important that you act fast and if your ex does not respond or if you can't agree that this comes before a court for settlement.

I would now send your ex an email suggestion mediation about the situation. Parallel you ask a family mediation organisation (e.g. http://www.nfm.org.uk/) to invite your ex to mediation.

They will contact your ex and invite you both to what is called a MIAM. This is a initial assesssment from the mediator to establish what your case is about and if it's suitable for mediation.

If your ex refuses to show up or if the mediation fails you can apply to court to have the matter settled there.

How many children do you have? Do you have PR? How long as contact be going on before it now broke down? Are there any potential allegations of domestic violence coming your way? Anything happened lately which would have caused the behaviour from your ex? How is your living situation and how far are you away from your ex? How old are the children?

Try to give a few more details to work out how best to approach this in court.

Once contact is re-established I would recommend not to let your children speak with their mum, unless you really feel it upsets your children.

Your children and ex must learn that they have 2 homes now and that the times they are with you belongs to you and them only. 100%.

Your ex uses this to control the situation and to make them even more dependable from her. You also do not owe your ex anything to report on how contact went apart from important information such as medical issues for example.

You would need to stop that or your ex will make you dance after her fiddle all the time.

F.

Hi Thank you for your reply.

I will contact NFM.org as suggested.

How many children do you have?  I have two children, my son who is 7 and my daughter who is 2
Do you have PR? Yes
How long as contact be going on before it now broke down? a few weeks now 
Are there any potential allegations of domestic violence coming your way? No
Anything happened lately which would have caused the behaviour from your ex? Nothing I can think of
How is your living situation and how far are you away from your ex? Living with my parents at the moment after we split. They live about 10-15 minutes drive from where I am at the moment

The thing is my son does not want to stay with her and when I do have them both he gets upset when its time to go back. He heard my ex and her brother talking about how the children will never appreciate her and he was upset about that. He feels comfortable around me and my family at all times when he is here.

I have kept every message I have sent her and she has responded to me via whatsapp. 

Many thanks.
Reply
#5
Hi,

Do not accept mediation via a family member.

Make it official and get a show stopper letter from a mediation organisation.

Your next step is a application to court.

You would need to fill out an application for a child's arrangement order (C100) and send that together with the letter from the mediation organisation to your local family court.

Before you send the application to court think about what you want to settle in court? Is it just the contact? What about surnames? Do you have your children's GP details?

The reason I am asking is because the C100 application will determine who will be the resident and visiting parent only. It will lay out the contact times for the visiting parent.

Along with the C100 application you can also apply for specific issue or prohibited steps order. This is needed if for example you want something else looked at. On a specific issue order the judge can order your ex to do something for example to let you know the GP details where a prohibited steps order is released to prevent your ex from doing something e.g. moving away.

The cost is gbp 215 for the application. If you run this via a lawyer it will knock you down 5k minimum.

In a normal process without nasty allegations you may have 2-3 hearings before a order is released.

If your ex stops contact ongoing ask with your C100 application for a interim contact order so that contact can continue while court is going on.

Hope this helps a bit.
Come back with any questions.

F.
Reply
#6
Thank you ever so much. Just speaking with you has helped me a lot, I feel light-hearted.

Btw not sure if this is important or not but she takes anti-depressants and goes for councilling to deal with stress and anxiety.
Reply
#7
Hi,

You are welcome and I am sure you are an amazing Dad. Don't let you fool with crap other people say.

Testimony are your children which love you to bits.

Unfortunately for you you now need to fight back.

Once out of the court you have peace of mind that the contact is ruled on a legal standing and your ex can not just do how she pleases without legal consequence for her.

All the best.
As I mentioned before if you need help or a opinion on the court forms come back here for free advise.

F.

I would not bring that in at the moment unless you think this has an effect upon your children.

Your concern must have some subsistance and you must be able to proof that the condition is a welfare concern to your children.

Hold fire on this one or I believe you will turn this into a nasty court fight....
Reply
#8
Sure, thanks for the valuable advice. I have felt like crap every night for the last 4 months now. But you give me a solid new perspective to look at this from. I will keep you guys updated on any progress I make.
Reply
#9
(01-29-2017, 01:32 PM)MazzS Wrote: Sure, thanks for the valuable advice. I have felt like crap every night for the last 4 months now. But you give me a solid new perspective to look at this from. I will keep you guys updated on any progress I make.

It needs to be an offical Mediation Company, or you will not get the right to apply to Court if it fails.

You might get Legal Aid for this, but you can not get it if it goes to Court normally.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)