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Overnight stays at my new partners house
#21
This is very interesting, and seems like common sense. In fact, in light of her allegations, it would be pretty stupid of her (and me) to allow this to happen. As my partner has mentioned: "What if she decides to headbutt a wall, and say I did it?".

In this new light, it also seems nuts to allow her the final say on it - as she can (and will) invent all sorts of problems. I just thought she might be reasonable. I'm such a fool.

Would it damage me now to just go back on my agreement allowing her to inspect?
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#22
(05-30-2017, 11:11 AM)mortware Wrote: This is very interesting, and seems like common sense. In fact, in light of her allegations, it would be pretty stupid of her (and me) to allow this to happen. As my partner has mentioned: "What if she decides to headbutt a wall, and say I did it?".

In this new light, it also seems nuts to allow her the final say on it - as she can (and will) invent all sorts of problems. I just thought she might be reasonable. I'm such a fool.

Would it damage me now to just go back on my agreement allowing her to inspect?

Allowing it leaves you open to claims of anything she wants to say she saw.

In law its up to her to evidance the need for a Cafcass or Social Worker to visit, to check suitablity.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#23
Tell her you took informal advice and explain to her the reason. Be reasonable in your style of communication... no emotions

Also tell her she can apply to SS via a judge if she wants

Most of this cr*p with my ex stops when i hand her the phone number to the local police station or SS dept
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#24
(05-31-2017, 08:03 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: Tell her you took informal advice and explain to her the reason. Be reasonable in your style of communication... no emotions

Also tell her she can apply to SS via a judge if she wants

Most of this cr*p with my ex stops when i hand her the phone number to the local police station or SS dept

Just to add into this, by allowing her to do it, you might be considerd by the Judge as accepting there was the need for it.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#25
(05-31-2017, 08:07 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(05-31-2017, 08:03 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: Tell her you took informal advice and explain to her the reason. Be reasonable in your style of communication... no emotions

Also tell her she can apply to SS via a judge if she wants

Most of this cr*p with my ex stops when i hand her the phone number to the local police station or SS dept

Just to add into this, by allowing her to do it, you might be considerd by the Judge as accepting there was the need for it.

Both great points. I think my only issue with putting a stop to it now is that I may seem like I'm deliberately trying to cause trouble. It was agreed in mediation that this inspection would happen, and a Judge may look at this reversal quite negatively.

To your point MarkR - I would hope to be able to explain to the Judge that I'm allowing/allowed this inspection to happen for the mother's peace of mind. Being able to picture where her children sleep may help her if she's missing them or whatever. Then again, she's not told me this is the reason, and instead provided a whole raft of other BS, none of which are reasonable. I should stop considering her feelings I think.

So how would I word it?
Do I simply say "An inspection isn't necessary in my view. If you feel differently, a court-appointed inspection (CAFCASS or Social Services) should be arranged."
Do I mention that I still want the children on the agreed date? (It's on Friday)
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#26
Mate

She is causing trouble by insisting on it and all the conditions that come with it (you new partner can't be there for example)

Women in this situation are insecure ... she's lost you and she's going to have to let you see your baby (which she thinks is only hers)... she's got a lot to deal with but that is not your problem. Be kind, be reasonable... don't be stupid

Boil it down to the absolute core ...
You split up... she angry
You are a dad and have equal rights to the mum
You have a new partner and a place you can look after your kid
You ex has to allow you to do this


If you need text for your message, "until ordered by a court (and it won't be) there is no reason for an inspection. If it is ordered (and it wont be) it will be undertaken by experienced professionals and you will not allowed to attend"
This is not about your 'view' - its the law
This is not about her applying for an inspection - its for a judge to order one

Her giving you access to children has NOTHING to do with your denial of her seeing your house and if she does deny access, record it and seek legal advice / go back to mediation where they shoudl tell her she is in the wrong...if she still denies contact after that get a court order
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#27
(06-01-2017, 08:09 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: Mate

She is causing trouble by insisting on it and all the conditions that come with it (you new partner can't be there for example)

Women in this situation are insecure ... she's lost you and she's going to have to let you see your baby (which she thinks is only hers)... she's got a lot to deal with but that is not your problem. Be kind, be reasonable... don't be stupid

Boil it down to the absolute core ...
You split up... she angry
You are a dad and have equal rights to the mum
You have a new partner and a place you can look after your kid
You ex has to allow you to do this


If you need text for your message, "until ordered by a court (and it won't be) there is no reason for an inspection. If it is ordered (and it wont be) it will be undertaken by experienced professionals and you will not allowed to attend"
This is not about your 'view' - its the law
This is not about her applying for an inspection - its for a judge to order one

Her giving you access to children has NOTHING to do with your denial of her seeing your house and if she does deny access, record it and seek legal advice  / go back to mediation where they shoudl tell her she is in the wrong...if she still denies contact after that get a court order

Thanks mate - I have used some of these words to explain the situation to her again. I've spent the whole day trying to argue the toss. Stuck to my guns, and refusing her entry. The kids are welcome of course.

However...
Her current "play" is to come to the house with the children anyway. Knowing I won't allow her to inspect the house I will be forced to ask her to leave, deliberately upsetting the children with "See kids?... Daddy doesn't want you!".

Sick.
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#28
... but standard behavior

It does seem that its only happening to you but this happens a lot so don't worry too much ... its part of the course... next week will be something else

2 solutions:
1. you explain to her that as its not her property she has no right to enter. You understand that she feels she needs to make a scene in front of kids, but you are noting her behavior as it is ONLY impacting the children and in a negative way, ask her to think about that. If she agrees to be calm and reasonable at the door, she can drop the kids
Or.
2. meet her a the cafe at the top of the road and swap over there

Again - you will learn this but... a whole day arguing is a whole day wasted. 2 sentences, maximum and when she kicks off emotionally, DO NOT fuel that fire... calmly walk off
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#29
Just picking this up.

Am I right in thinking that even a solid mediation agreement needs to be nailed down as a court order rubber stamp to hld weight? Therefore, is mediation worth the patience if you can just get to court to do the 'agreeing' with a judge's opinin rather than a mediator who's after the next meeting?
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#30
(06-19-2017, 10:11 PM)daddyshortlegs Wrote: Just picking this up.

Am I right in thinking that even a solid mediation agreement needs to be nailed down as a court order rubber stamp to hld weight? Therefore, is mediation worth the patience if you can just get to court to do the 'agreeing' with a judge's opinin rather than a mediator who's after the next meeting?

There is only a Limited Remit where you can now go straight to court, for examp[e if claims of Domistic Violance, Court Orders stopping you both being in the same room, Whereabouts not known.

If you have a Mediation Agreement, and you both agree you can apply for its content to be a Consent Order.

Otherwise, you need a No Show letter, the Mediation Company to agree its "Deadlock", or the agreement not to be followed, before you can go to court.

However, once at Court, you can evidance it, and the person wanting to change things then has to show reason why, what must be something not known at the time the agreement was made.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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