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Please help me, please!!!!!
#1
Sad 
Dear Sir/Madam
 
I am writing in regard to becoming a victim of a Gotcha pregnancy and would like your advice. In the past I had a brief encounter with a Russian lady, my senior whom I met online. When I met with the lady about a month later, she informed me that she was pregnant and asked me if I was happy being a father.
We had sexual relations on two occasions but I stopped seeing her because she was not of good character. She had asked me on our first date if I had British citizenship (which I found very unusual). When she entered my flat, she said: "Small but this will do". She also spoke a lot about high end brands. 
On our second date, she informed me that she had been married to a man and that they had both left after he had committed murder. Her ex husband now lives free with a different name. Understandably, all of this information and her disingenuous behaviour left me deeply disturbed and so I chose to end meeting her.
After she asked me if I was happy being a father, I replied that I was not. She then stated that she did not want anything from me including money.
I have received a letter from CSM asking me to pay child maintenance. I have called them and explained that fatherhood is an issue and I would like a DNA test carried out.
They responded that they need to interview the other party and arrange for a DNA test to be performed.
I would like to seek your advice on such an important matter: 
i.)   How to act and respond presently and in the future.
ii.)  What are my legal rights?
iii.) What would be the repercussions if the test is positive?
 
For brevity, I have not included many other facts and incidents with the lady. I am still in shock at becoming a victim of deception.
 
Yours sincerely,
 
Very Desperate
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#2
(02-02-2017, 01:16 PM)Desperate Person Wrote: Dear Sir/Madam
 
I am writing in regard to becoming a victim of a Gotcha pregnancy and would like your advice. In the past I had a brief encounter with a Russian lady, my senior whom I met online. When I met with the lady about a month later, she informed me that she was pregnant and asked me if I was happy being a father.
We had sexual relations on two occasions but I stopped seeing her because she was not of good character. She had asked me on our first date if I had British citizenship (which I found very unusual). When she entered my flat, she said: "Small but this will do". She also spoke a lot about high end brands. 
On our second date, she informed me that she had been married to a man and that they had both left after he had committed murder. Her ex husband now lives free with a different name. Understandably, all of this information and her disingenuous behaviour left me deeply disturbed and so I chose to end meeting her.
After she asked me if I was happy being a father, I replied that I was not. She then stated that she did not want anything from me including money.
I have received a letter from CSM asking me to pay child maintenance. I have called them and explained that fatherhood is an issue and I would like a DNA test carried out.
They responded that they need to interview the other party and arrange for a DNA test to be performed.
I would like to seek your advice on such an important matter: 
i.)   How to act and respond presently and in the future.
ii.)  What are my legal rights?
iii.) What would be the repercussions if the test is positive?
 
For brevity, I have not included many other facts and incidents with the lady. I am still in shock at becoming a victim of deception.
 
Yours sincerely,
 
Very Desperate

You need help that I can't give - but I do remember my first post and checking for a reply every ten minutes and feeling worse each time there was no reply, so figured I'd at least say something.

The only thing I can say act CAREFULLY - I don't think marrying for the sake of a kid is a good idea, I do think a DNA is a must and if it is yours do what you think is right but don't go slagging her off on the net or to officaldom, if you do it'll feel good for a while but come back and bite.

One thing that might help those how know about these things better than I is where you are (country) - her status in the country (Tourist / Residence permit etc), if she's trying this from Russia is there really a baby or will she unfortunately "lose it" as soon as she is resident here and you've legally committed to funding her lifestyle for life.
(I had almost the same with a Turk - she only asked what I'd do if she got pregnant though - that and the checking of citizenship, finances and ease of getting her into bed early in the relationship told me all I need to know)
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#3
Hi,

Sorry for asking but are you for real?

Get the DNA test done and if positive own up to your child.

To be precise:
i) kindly and friendly, always
ii) wrong question, you should ask yourself what responsibities you will have
iii) you will have produced a child which has the right to feel loved whatever the circumstances.

I think you would need to digest your shock first and then come back!

F.
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#4
I am known for giving down to earth, spade is a spade advice. Take this as you will

Not entirely sure why you are desperate?
Firstly, DNA test is optional not mandatory. If you both take it it's your choice.
If she refuses it, the CMS will close the case as it cannot be proven beyond all reasonable doubt the child is yours. I will hazard a guess she will in the interests of financial gain, as you allude to.

Look at it in one of two ways
If you are not the father after DNA testing, then move on. Next time you are with a new partner put something on the end of it....learn lessons.
Recognise the alarm bells early on and if you can't keep it in your trousers then you have no one to blame but yourself, if you failed to use contraception. Bit late telling the garage you aren't happy your car crashed when they told you the brakes were dodgy is it! ..Learn lessons
(fact she said "small but it will do", would have air raid sirens howling in my head let alone alarm bells, yet you still went on a second date and took her to bed........learn lessons)

If you are the father
Then it doesn't mean you have to live with her or marry her!
What it will mean is you have legal rights for contact if its determined by courts and mother
It will mean you step up and pay maintenance for your child, act like the biological father of a human being and take responsibility

the tone of your post is almost sounding like "i shouldn't have parental responsibility or have to pay because I was scammed"
In the words of Jeremy Kyle....your problem step up, and next time put something on the end of it
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#5
If the CMS order that a DNA test must be done the paying person has to pay and if they turn out not to be the parent their money is refunded.
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#6
(02-04-2017, 04:25 PM)Hazy Wrote: If the CMS order that a DNA test must be done the paying person has to pay and if they turn out not to be the parent their money is refunded.

Correct...mine cost me over £200 and I had to do it at my doctors.
I had mine done because she fell pregnant


3 years after I had a vasectomy

So they decided that warranted a test on my son now 16
And he was mine, but fair was fair I wanted fact and truth and I just didn't trust her
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#7
(02-04-2017, 10:54 PM)Drew65 Wrote:
(02-04-2017, 04:25 PM)Hazy Wrote: If the CMS order that a DNA test must be done the paying person has to pay and if they turn out not to be the parent their money is refunded.

Correct...mine cost me over £200 and I had to do it at my doctors.
I had mine done because she fell pregnant


3 years after I had a vasectomy

So they decided that warranted a test on my son now 16
And he was mine, but fair was fair I wanted fact and truth and I just didn't trust her

How did she take it when you said you wanted a DNA test? Just curious..
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#8
(02-10-2017, 01:18 PM)twinsdad Wrote:
(02-04-2017, 10:54 PM)Drew65 Wrote:
(02-04-2017, 04:25 PM)Hazy Wrote: If the CMS order that a DNA test must be done the paying person has to pay and if they turn out not to be the parent their money is refunded.

Correct...mine cost me over £200 and I had to do it at my doctors.
I had mine done because she fell pregnant


3 years after I had a vasectomy

So they decided that warranted a test on my son now 16
And he was mine, but fair was fair I wanted fact and truth and I just didn't trust her

How did she take it when you said you wanted a DNA test? Just curious..
With miraculous incredulation ......or to the layman...gobsmacked
Ranted down the phone at me that I couldn't possibly be effing serious.

I told her I was, "either you were lying to me or I had mentally blocked out the one time in the last few years I actually  was intimate sexually with you"..............................Click....Hello hello

The CSA as was, told her, take the test or the case is closed.

Turned out I was the father, which was just bleedin blind luck I guess as the amount of men she was inviting into my bed at the time were more than I could count on both hands
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#9
Absolutely. After many years in a relationship, which is now ending, thank you for the warning!
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