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Am I being unreasonable???
#1
A little background information: 

Split up a few months before child was born. 
Child is now 7 months.
Have seen the child every weekend with the occasional weekend off every now and again.
Ex is with a new partner.
Things have got argumentative recently, and I have no idea why.


I work a 9-5 job, Monday to Friday.
I have classes 6pm to 9pm Friday night, and 9am to 4pm Saturday.
So as you can see, I have very little time at all.

What I have reccommended was a three week rotation as follows:

Week 1: Saturday 5pm - Sunday 7pm
Week 2: Saturday 5pm - Sunday 7pm
Week 3: Sunday 12pm - 7pm


All of a sudden this is now unfair according to my ex. Stating that it is not fair for me to take a night off, and that she does not understand why I need a night off etc.

Am I being unreasonable to have one Saturday night in every 3 weeks to myself?

Please let me know your thoughts,
Thanks


* I'm aware there are many people here in far worse situations than myself. But I'm just curious to know how other people felt, or if you could give me some advice.
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#2
Could you do a full weekend ? And make it alternative . Mediation is your best bet before you go along to a lawyer- who will charge you for taking a piss.
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#3
(02-02-2017, 07:29 PM)Froggy Wrote: Could you do a full weekend ? And make it alternative . Mediation is your best bet before you go along to a lawyer- who will charge you for taking a piss

Without trying to sound selfish, A full weekend alternate would cut out half of my course/class time. I'll be doing this for the next two years, and my job is reliant on me passing. 

I could do alternate weekends in the summer, but I can't even get her to agree on the above proposal, let alone anything else.
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#4
You are absolutely not being unfair. You could argue that she is trying to curtail your free time.

The child has to have quality time with both parents so effectively one weekend with mum and one weekend with you. If you are having the child every weekend then she has no quality time with the child at the weekends really.

This forum advises Fr-Sunday every OTHER weekend, one day during the week and half of school holidays if possible. This also makes your maintenance payments a little less based of number of overnight stays.

Friday's obviously don't suit you but maybe when your course is finished you can do this and have every other weekend free.

I suggest you go the Saturday - Sunday every other week and one night midweek if you can. But if you're happy to have just one Saturday off then feel to do so but really the child should spend some full weekends with mum.
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#5
(02-02-2017, 07:39 PM)Hazy Wrote: You are absolutely not being unfair.  You could argue that she is trying to curtail your free time.

The child has to have quality time with both parents so effectively one weekend with mum and one weekend with you. If you are having the child every weekend then she has no quality time with the child at the weekends really.

This forum advises Fr-Sunday every OTHER weekend, one day during the week and half of school holidays if possible. This also makes your maintenance payments a little less based of number of overnight stays.

Friday's  obviously don't suit you but maybe when your course is finished you can do this and have every other weekend free.

I suggest you go the Saturday - Sunday every other week and one night midweek if you can. But if you're happy to have just one Saturday off then feel to do so but really the child should spend some full weekends with mum.

Friday - Sunday would be ideal once I can... and will definitely be putting that forward. I'm just in such a shit position with my career choice at this moment in time (something which was never a problem when we were going out)

I felt that she would flip out even more if i said i wanted Week 3 (as per my proposal) completely to myself, and felt that by taking her on a Sunday would be beneficial for both of us. 

But now, as you said, it does seem to me like she is trying to curtail my free time.

Thank you both for the responses so far.
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#6
(02-02-2017, 07:23 PM)Octochamp Wrote: A little background information: 

Split up a few months before child was born. 
Child is now 7 months.
Have seen the child every weekend with the occasional weekend off every now and again.
Ex is with a new partner.
Things have got argumentative recently, and I have no idea why.


I work a 9-5 job, Monday to Friday.
I have classes 6pm to 9pm Friday night, and 9am to 4pm Saturday.
So as you can see, I have very little time at all.

What I have reccommended was a three week rotation as follows:

Week 1: Saturday 5pm - Sunday 7pm
Week 2: Saturday 5pm - Sunday 7pm
Week 3: Sunday 12pm - 7pm


All of a sudden this is now unfair according to my ex. Stating that it is not fair for me to take a night off, and that she does not understand why I need a night off etc.

Am I being unreasonable to have one Saturday night in every 3 weeks to myself?

Please let me know your thoughts,
Thanks


* I'm aware there are many people here in far worse situations than myself. But I'm just curious to know how other people felt, or if you could give me some advice.

The bad news is that in law your ex has got a valid point.

While contact time is based around the none resident parents availability, when making an order a Judge needs to ensure both parents get Quality Time.
This is considered to be weekends in term time, and school holidays.

You are lucky what what you have in place, as in a disputed court case, until the Child is 2 no staying contact would be ordered.
As it has happened, you have a case for it to carry on.

Therefore, due to your availability Saturday 5pm till Sunday 7pm every 2 weeks, is the best you will get in a Court. You would also get up to half school holidays, what is 6.5 weeks a year. If you can not manage that, a 4 week plan is 1 week Easter and Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer (plus a normal weekend).
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#7
Hi,

Just to confirm, your child is 7months old and you have overnight contact???

F.
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#8
I missed the age of the child!

So In the absence of any order maybe one night every other week is quite enough at this young age. I'm actually surprised she wants you to have such a young child more than that.

You have never actually lived with this child and presumably this is your first experience of babies. That's quite a lot to take on.

If she wants to dispute it in court you'll not get overnights until they are aged 2+.
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#9
(02-02-2017, 09:06 PM)MarkR Wrote: You are lucky what what you have in place, as in a disputed court case, until the Child is 2 no staying contact would be ordered.
As it has happened, you have a case for it to carry on.

Therefore, due to your availability Saturday 5pm till Sunday 7pm every 2 weeks, is the best you will get in a Court. You would also get up to half school holidays, what is 6.5 weeks a year. If you can not manage that, a 4 week plan is 1 week Easter and Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer (plus a normal weekend).

Do you mean like this?

Week 1: Saturday 5pm - Sunday 7pm
Week 2: Saturday 5pm - Sunday 7pm
Week 3: No contact

And back to week 1?

See, she wants me to have her every weekend, saying its not fair that I have the one saturday to myself... so I think the above would be worse for both of us...


(02-02-2017, 09:44 PM)Hazy Wrote: If she wants to dispute it in court you'll not get overnights until they are aged 2+.

I have contacted a solicitor about this and have been assured that this would not happen according to the consultation I had. The only way I'd lose contact as per usual would be if she suggested violence or drink/drug problems, which isn't the case.


(02-02-2017, 09:23 PM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

Just to confirm, your child is 7months old and you have overnight contact???

F.

Yes, that's correct, no spelling mistakes or otherwise in what I've wrote.
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#10
MarkR is saying due to availability you'd get sat-sun every other week and perhaps some holidays.
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