Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
... I don't love you anymore...
#1
... one of those things which you never think it will happen to you... 
Sry... started with the wrong foot, yes I'm at that point where almost thinking that the world has ended... read a few stories here and i'm a bit more optimistic now. 
We have two 4 year old twins (boy & girl) they are my life, the fuel that keeps me going... and I thought I was about to lose them, but I see a lot of ppl here with 50/50 shared time, which sounds great.
My wife wants the divorce, yes we had some unhappy moments, never violent or any other kind of problems with drinking, gambling etc... it's just with time we forgot about ourselves... but we had a plan: put some money aside to help us buy a house to offer the kids a stable life... a few months ago we achieved that and had big plans ahead... again, last month we had a few arguments and last week she told me the big news (there are many things untold but the result is this)... I was devastated, the only thing that kept coming to my mind was that I won't be there when my kids will have a nightmare or when they fight to be there to get them understand each other etc...
I really need some advice... the problem is I'm not a cook (but for sure I can do courses if that's needed), for the rest I believe we participated together in the kids life, because she is working too we have always divided the tasks in taking and bringing the kids from the nursery... In her opinion I'm not fit to take care of kids because I can't cook... is this a reason to lose from the time with my kids? It might sound stupid but I'm still disorientated...
Reply
#2
I'm sure a lot of guys have learnt to cook since breaking up so no it's no good reason for you not to have your kids overnight.

They won't starve.

You don't have to cook anything adventurous just simple somewhat healthy (lol) and nutritious meals. All you may need is a cookbook rather than courses.

Breakfast is easy, cereal and toast, or boiled / scrambled egg
egg

Lunch can be a sandwich and fruit, soup, etc

Evening meal, baby boiled potatoes ( just wash, no peeling and throw in the pan) add some veg, some meat or fish even sausages. Spag Bol is super easy and kids seem to love it.

Always have a few snacks around, yoghurt, fruit, cheese, jam, bread.

Does that really sound so hard?

Timing is key with cooking .... can't have cold potatoes and hot meat hehe
Reply
#3
Hi,

She will look absolutely ridiculous in court!

I would offer CAFCASS and the judge to come round for dinner.

Your children must show signs of being seriously starved when coming from you to have a case against you.

When cafcass or social service comes for a home visit just make sure that you have veg and fruits available for the children - as you normally would do. Don't do anything exotic.

Offer to take them out to MD's as Plan B if you burnt a meal.

You can do mash, pizza, soups and frozen stuff. Involve your kids when cooking and they will enjoy eating it.

F.
Reply
#4
Thank you for your replies and especially for the good news! I should have no problem with breakfast (as I do this everyday when it's my turn to take them to the nursery...) it's just the more complicated stuff for lunch or dinner... for sure I can learn, just need some time to settle down.
In the beginning we said we will try to make this divorce as easy as possible... but as much as we try we end up saying a lot of s**t about each other.
She has found these 2 "friends" a father (approx. 50 years old) and his daughter from a previous marriage (~30 years old) and since she has met them it's like she is brainwashed... she says they opened her eyes and the divorce is the best way... and since then it's like I'm fighting with all 3 of them... every day she comes up with a new thing how to attack me... last night after we have put the kids to sleep she just left to them and came back around 02.00 in the night... I have no idea what is going on between these people...
I need to start pulling myself together and make a case for myself!
Reply
#5
Sorry to hear this mate. Never easy reading these new stories.

It's only as complicated as you choose to make it. If I have time, then i'll put together something myself, if not they have a couple of 2 minute microwave dinners!

Stay strong mate.
Reply
#6
I can't believe where things are getting!!! from let's do this as less painful as possible she just went crazy... it is just brainwashed by her 2 new friends... we said that the only real thing to talk about is the visit to the kids... initially I didn't catch that word "visiting"... and when I said I would like to have 50/50 she just went crazy
she didn't even want me to spend some time with my kids alone, I haven't raised my hand on her not even once in my life, I love my kids like crazy and all I did was to work fro this family... what did I do to be treated like a criminal?! She is trusting these new friends more than anything and wants me to trust my kids to them!
I need to start to prepare myself and maybe I can get some help here with some answers:
1. If we've been married to another country can she force me to divorce here in UK? we are not citizens of UK yet and I believe I can have more rights as a father in our home country.

2. When we bought our house a few months ago I have sold a property which was on my name back in my country to pay an upfront to the new house... can I get some money back when we sell this house?

I'm desperate and furious.
Now she just left with our kids and it was almost bed time for them... can I record this somehow? I really need some advice, I don't deserve this treatment...
Reply
#7
I'd suggest that rather than learning how to cook learn about nutrition - the SS etc I think will make a BIG DEAL that the kids have to have nutritious meals with all their needs (5 a day etc) meet.
It's a big thing for them - I know the 5 a day is really an advertising slogan from the States but for them it is Gospel.
Not sure the SS will care if it is edible - as long as it is balanced and nutritious.

I'd also avoid McD's - my SW talked about taking the kids for treats - my wife took them to McD's, I took them to buffets, diners (we had a US style one in town), pizza places etc - SW asked why - told her I don't think McD's is particularity healthy, popular but not a good diet to have - she smiled, it may be the only time I felt she was on my side.

If all she can use against you is lack of cooking abilities I'd suggest that's a good thing from your point of view.
Reply
#8
Here is some information on international divorce. Seems you can divorce here if you are habitually resident and your marriage is recognised here.

http://www.divorce.co.uk/divorce-advice/...al-divorce
Reply
#9
Pff... and my world just collapsed... last night she admited that as soon as we divorce she will continue her life with this work colleague... a 50 year old man and she 36... a guy who, she says, will divorce from his 2nd marriage and will take her in his care... I was blind, or I just didn't want to believe or I just hoped it is just a moment crisis. He was just a work colleague in which she confided in the beginning... he listened and new how to approach her and tell her exactly what she needed... and what is worse is that she believed, how can she believe a man with 2 marriages?! How can she believe that the kids will be happy with someone who will not have the energy to keep up with them in the same way I can...
I am so lost & disappointed in this moments... haven't closed an eye this night.
My wife was smart and she could easily see this kind of people...
I don't even know how to behave and how to act in these moments...
Reply
#10
What you need to do is look after YOU.

It will be very hard right now and maybe for another while but believe me you will get over the divorce in time. Time is a wonderful healer. You can't see this far ahead right now because you are hurting and things still need to be sorted regarding the house, staying contact and whatever else.

A break up has similarities to bereavement. Shock, grief, and anger and eventually acceptance.

You are going to need to find out what she plans to do. Does she want to remain in the family home or does she plan to move in with this man who from what you say is also going to get divorced also. This could get messy but you need to know what she wants to do so that you know what advice to get or what plans to make.
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Love after leaving Petem 12 7,231 11-13-2017, 01:50 PM
Last Post: AKentishMan



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)