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Holiday
#11
(02-06-2017, 02:47 PM)Murphy Wrote: Don't use the child as leverage.  Everything is still fresh and still stings abit.  I would let her go on the vacation.....but explain your concerns as a dad.  This may lead to opening up the door a bit in regards to trust and maybe some more accommodating visitations.

I appreciate this. It makes total sense. But the minute I start to voice my concerns regarding stuff like this she goes on the defensive and snaps and bites and tries to wind me up by taking random pot shots at me. I genuinely can't mention my worries or concerns without her instantly going on the attack.

And to be honest, I don't think she's ever going to thaw that icy heart of hers when it comes to unsupervised access. Whatever I do isn't good enough so I'm expecting mediation then court in the next few months.

Appreciate the advice and help though, lads.
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#12
You dont have to go long into detail. Something like....."At first i was uncertain, having such a young child traveling and being away from me but after thinking about it i know you will take good care of our child"
It's important to focus on the issue....taking her on a trip. The minute she..or you start saying 'I" or "you" things go downhill because you start to argue about what each of you want. It becomes tit for tat.
I don't know the law there.....but if she's going to be able to get a court to let her...you might as well be the bigger person. Your child is only 7 months old....there are many things still circulating in both your heads. Time has the ability to help work things out and who knows....this may be the start.
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#13
(02-06-2017, 03:07 PM)Murphy Wrote: You dont have to go long into detail.  Something like....."At first i was uncertain, having such a young child traveling and being away from me but after thinking about it i know you will take good care of our child"  
It's important to focus on the issue....taking her on a trip.  The minute she..or you start saying 'I" or "you" things go downhill because you start to argue about what each of you want.  It becomes tit for tat.  
I don't know the law there.....but if she's going to be able to get a court to let her...you might as well be the bigger person.  Your child is only 7 months old....there are many things still circulating in both your heads.    Time has the ability to help work things out and who knows....this may be the start.

I'm too much of a realist to think being the bigger man could lead to the start of a more civil relationship with someone as stubborn as her but I get where you're coming from.

I'm off to see my son now - 4pm to 6pm, of course - and she wants to talk about it so no doubt there'll be more to report from this little soap opera.
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#14
Id start logging all of this BS you are getting from her.

She sounds like she is dictating things when she has no right. Do you have a separation agreement in place?
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#15
Hi,

To answer your question on the specific issue order, unless your ex is planning a holiday in Uganda or Syria like country or for any reason that she would not return your child to the U.K. it will be granted.

No chance that you could prevent her from doing so and the damage this is likely to cause in your relationship will not be worth also.

Knowing that you may use this to bargaining a deal and to get something in return. I am sure your ex would also not like to go to court about it.

You would need to make your position clear insisting that contact needs to progress eventually. Only you two can work out a suitable timeframe for this.

Try to log things like when you are left with your child alone. Write a little summary to your ex after every contact or on a weekly basis.

Build up your case that you have had your child unsupervised also and that your ex was ok with that at the time.

I agree, strategically it may be best to avoid court in order to secure the amount of contact to have but clearly you can't live with that.

I would maybe give myself time until the child is 18months old and if your situation has not changed start looking into court proceedings.

F.
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#16
Thanks for all the tips and advice.

I have been logging the times me and my son have been left together without 'supervision' and I've also been keeping a record of her conflicting behaviour. It's putting me through the ringer a bit as I don't know what's happening from one day to the next.

On Sunday night after I'd offered my concerns about her taking him abroad she was argumentative and defensive and saying she was going to put conditions to my access with him such as insisting on her mother being there. Then last night when I went round she apologized, wanted to move forward as friends and suggested she'd be letting me see my son on my own, unsupervised, at some point over the next few weeks. She was having a bit crack, laughing and joking and we're absolutely fine today. That's massively reassuring but I don't know whether she's just playing me in order to get me to consent to her taking him abroad.

Like I say, I don't know what she'll be like from one day to the next.
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#17
I would say thats positive. My ex is the same...one day hot the next day cold. It can be very emotional....women think men dont care enough and we think they are bat shit crazy....lol
Work with the current positives for now....good luck
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