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Living with my ex for kids
#1
Hi, new to the group and just wondered if anyone had any views or thoughts on my situation.
About 2 years ago me and my wife started drifting apart, we've really tried to make a good go of it as we have a 7yr old son and a 4yr old daughter.
2 years down the line and she said this week that she just doesn't feel it anymore and isn't in love with me.
We are the very best of friends and there is no animosity between us whatsoever. It's a very difficult time obviously and very emotional but we want to do the best for us and our children.
Right now our plan is to separate but still live together as we work really well as a living couple and also as a Co parenting unit. There's also the financial side of things to look at as neither of us can really afford to be moving out of the family home alone.
We think that this will work for us, our kids and their upbringing and welfare are our number 1 priority and we love them unconditionally.
Does anyone have any thoughts or has gone through the same? I'd love to hear views.
Thankyou for reading this.
Rob
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#2
I did this for a while, it was horrific - I would NEVER recommend it.

Whilst there was no animosity between us at the beginning, it soon turned that way and she had me arrested on an alleged Child Neglect (which was not proven and no further action was taken), she also broke my ribs.

It could work for you, and if it does, fair play to you, but I highly wouldnt recommend it.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#3
Yikes, that's quite a horrifying turn of events! I'm very sorry for what happened.
We've said we'll see how it goes and be open and honest so if something isn't working we can try to fix it before it worsens
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#4
Without a doubt it can work if you make it but what if one of you meet someone else further down the line?

Perhaps until that happens you both can try and make it work but at the same time preparing yourselves for if and when it all goes wrong. It woild be much harder if you were not prepared and things changed suddenly.

It rarely works but maybe your family can be the exception to that rule? Smile
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#5
Hi hazy, that's our thoughts at the moment, neither of us are remotely interested in anyone else but we both know that that may change in the future and would need to be addressed.
The plan i guess, is to try to make this work for as long as we can before splitting our family up which neither of us want. Fingers crossed.
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#6
If you still love and want to be with your wife you'll be spending all of your time with each other and you may be hoping for reconciliation. How will you feel if in a few weeks she says that she has met somebody else or she says that she is staying out, etc. Will it make you feel horrendous? If you have absolutely accepted that your marriage is over and you definitely don't harbour those feelings for her and hold no wishes for getting back then it could work for a while. In my own experience me and my wife, although living separately, tried the co-parenting thing and it absolutely wrecked me when she told me she had met someone else. We were spending all of our time together and it wasn't pleasant because I still wanted things to work out between us. It was basically like losing it all twice. I'd tend to say get out now whilst you're both still very friendly and get child arrangements set up when it'll be easy and relatively stress free. If she meets someone else or starts dating or whatever whilst you're still there it'll be brutal mate. BRUTAL!

Hope that helps.

twinsdad.
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#7
Hi twinsdad, thanks for your perspective, I think that will be a very tough time if/when that time comes.
Although I think on some level I'd like us to get back together I know that it has been a 2 year course to where we are now and don't think that anything can repair the love we used to have as a romantic couple. So I'm very quickly having to make peace with that and only a few days in at the mo but oddly we do seem... Better, with each other, like an invisible weight has been lifted.
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#8
(02-10-2017, 08:42 AM)Asmo75 Wrote: Hi twinsdad, thanks for your perspective, I think that will be a very tough time if/when that time comes.
Although I think on some level I'd like us to get back together I know that it has been a 2 year course to where we are now and don't think that anything can repair the love we used to have as a romantic couple. So I'm very quickly having to make peace with that and only a few days in at the mo but oddly we do seem... Better, with each other, like an invisible weight has been lifted.


Thats exactly how we both felt. "we're becoming best friends again." "we're so much closer and the stress is lifting." 

*Insert hope at this point*

If you still hold any sort of hope, no matter how strong you are, it will destroy you when she either lets you know or you start suspecting that there is another guy on the scene. She probably wont want to tell you when it happens no matter how much you discuss that you would rather she just keep you informed. You'll get suspicious, probably, and it will affect your relationship with her. Me and you could be totally different types of people but I'm yet to meet a guy who doesnt get devastated when someone he loves and wants starts even thinking about another man. Get yourself out of the situation and protect yourself. Its the single worst feeling ive ever had because I loved my wife and wanted the family to be together then all of a sudden shes texting and flirting with someone else, then going for a drink and youre sat there wondering whats happening, etc. Then you see her and youre desperate to ask but dont want to so you start dropping hints and she doesnt want to tell you....etc, etc. It looks dramatic when its written down but its the general script. 


Id hate for someone to feel the way that I feel now when they had a chance to stop it from happening. 
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#9
Thanks mate, I really to appreciate your unique view on this overwhelming situation.
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#10
Sorry if it seems that im a tad dramatic or whatever. You'll do what you think gives you the best chance of reconciliation if thats whats on the back of your mind and I genuinely hope it works out for you.
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