Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Is it a good idea?
#1
First of all I am new to this group and it has been somewhat of a revelation. I have been responding and poking on every thread i read so if I am a constantly there its because I have found a great outlet and it feels good!

I have been having a few text discussions with my separated wife. The way that our relationship stands is this: We are separated and although I still love her and like the idea of us getting back together I know that it'll never happen and would be a terrible idea, probably.

With that in mind I am finding it difficult to get any sort of closure. I have posed the idea of us going for a walk in a couple of weeks with the dogs so we can have a very open and frank chat about a few things. Ive got some stuff Id like to ask/say regarding my strong suspicions of an affair with her and one of her colleagues and I suppose I would like to know from her totally honest point of view what really went wrong.

The thing is this: Why would she tell the actual truth about anything she didn't want me to know? If she told me something different to what she has said before she would be confessing to lying.

Why do I want to hear her low opinions of my relationship skills and further lower my own self-esteem?

Am I just a glutton for punishment? 

Is anything positive ever achieved in these 'closure chats'?


Again I am sorry for bombarding the page with my comments and questions but I really need to get perspective and get things off my chest. Writing in a diary is great but writing on here actually gets other points of view which can be invaluable. 

twinsdad.
Reply
#2
Hi,

Just seen this thread.

Have you ever heard the phrase's ''What you don't know cant hurt you'' or ''ignorance is bliss''...

I had about 4 closure chats with my ex and to be quite honest, the only positive thing I could take from them is knowing her true colours. I was never in love with her, just stuck by her because she got pregnant - so its not like it helped me get over her. However, it did help in that it has justified my gut feelings that I had for a while (that she was cheating!). But what good did that do me, to know I was a mug that had been cheated on....with the guy who is now living with her, seeing my child more than I do!............ absolutely no good at all.

Only you know the right thing to do and I get the feeling that you want to talk it through and maybe go back there.... if she cheated you will never be able to trust her again. Just be prepared for the potential for some awful truth to come out if you do talk to her....assuming she has the decency to be honest.
Reply
#3
There is no chance that we will get back together because she is seeing the guy who I suspect she was having an affair with. Ive never been in this situation before. I suppose a lot of it is because I want to try and build up a relationship with her again as parents and get to see my children more. I saw your reply regarding mediation and if things dont change then I will invite her to come for some sessions. I just dont want any animosity or bitterness between us as it will filter down to the kids. Im worried that if i never know the truth i may start to resent her but im aware at the same time that she may resent me if I am wrong and I ask her more about it. Its just difficult to know what to do for the best.

Thanks for your reply.
Reply
#4
Please don't take this the wrong way.... but I think you need to face facts and draw a line here.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that you want to keep things amicable with her etc for the sake of seeing your kids. But, she has no right to stop you seeing them regularly (alternate weekends as a minimum, midweek stay over night if possible etc). It reads as though you are allowing this woman (a suspected cheat, who is still with the guy, who is no doubt seeing more of your kids than you are) to remain in control.

Get mediation booked mate and go in there with a plan written up that suits you and try to get it sorted and agreed. Speaking from experience, the longer you leave it, the more problems build up and it will then get tricky. Do it now whilst there is little animosity between you and her.

Good luck.
Reply
#5
(02-10-2017, 01:52 PM)complexkane Wrote: Please don't take this the wrong way.... but I think you need to face facts and draw a line here.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that you want to keep things amicable with her etc for the sake of seeing your kids. But, she has no right to stop you seeing them regularly (alternate weekends as a minimum, midweek stay over night if possible etc). It reads as though you are allowing this woman (a suspected cheat, who is still with the guy, who is no doubt seeing more of your kids than you are) to remain in control.

Get mediation booked mate and go in there with a plan written up that suits you and try to get it sorted and agreed. Speaking from experience, the longer you leave it, the more problems build up and it will then get tricky. Do it now whilst there is little animosity between you and her.

Good luck.


Sound advice from someone with experience. Its why this site is so good. Many thanks.
Reply
#6
Don't bother... you will learn nothing and it will only end in hurt and slow down your recovery timeline

Doesn't make any sense trying to prove or not prove if she is lying... assume she lies.... and also assume she does it to cover her own bad behavior and NOT to protect your feelings

If you need to get access to your kids, go to mediation, then court... she will stop lying when you get to court as she will need to provide facts and every time she then lies / denies access to your kids or lies and does not comply with the order... take her back to court...
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Why is leaving the family home a bad idea? jedinightnight 19 19,429 10-03-2018, 09:45 PM
Last Post: paul1891
  Just Seperated and have no idea what to do GJ20 1 3,588 01-06-2017, 09:10 PM
Last Post: MarkR



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)