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Awkward Ex
#11
(02-17-2017, 04:58 PM)MrBiz Wrote: My appointment will be with the The Mediator

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She won't and can't say anything about the safety as there is no foundation for this whatsoever.

What happens if she does not follow the order should one be given?

----------------

Just thought I would add that I got a text this morning saying 

"Me & **** will be in **** tomorrow afternoon if you want to see her"

I really do want to see her but again it will be in the shopping centre and this time one that takes 2 hours for me too get to so what do I do, go see her just for an hour in the shopping mall or say no and wait till mediation?

Also why do my posts disappear when I reply more than once?


The fact is that you should be having your own contact. There is no legal reason why you should have to meet in the shopping centre.

If the child is under 2, you should be getting 4 - 6 hours on your own, over 1 or 2 days. That is the very least you will get if it goes to court.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#12
Hi

Just an update since I last posted.

Sadly I was unable to make the meeting due to public transport letting me down, I text and said I was running late and would be an hour later than arranged so can't make it response was "OK well we are busy next week so do you want to meet week after" this is because we both were supposed to be going to a 40th birthday that night which she went to alone and didn't take the little one anyway obviously I want to meet her so I will text later to find out where and when but will guess same thing in the high street.

Also I have been speaking to a mediation company to see if I can get legal aid and sent my details over them and they asked if I was paying maintenance but I am not as we are not at that stage yet and their response was I can not claim it.

"In order to get Legal Aid you need to have a "disposable income" of £733 per month. That's gross pay less tax and national insurance and taking into account payments of rent (limited to £545 per month) and maintenance."

Is there anyway around this as I do not understand what they mean by the above and I can't afford to pay for mediation

Thanks
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#13
Hi,

Thought I would update and also ask another question.

I decided not to go with meditation yet as it is costly and for some reason can't get legal aid but I have been able to get access recently albeit still an hour and still at soft play, she asked me to set a schedule to suit us both so that I could get access however I declined saying that there was no point as what I want I won't get i.e. her staying over or longer than an hour. Long story short she is still trying to make things difficult.

Anyway my question is this, currently she is living back at her mums house which is a 3 bed and she is back in her room which is a box room with a single bed which they are both in. There is no room for a cot of any type and they are both in the single bed! Can I use this in any form of legal case to get better access etc as I am worried that she might roll over and suffocate or injure my daughter and also it is not the most healthy of environments for a 2yr old to be living in.

Also they constantly smoke around her and the house is just a general mess and never tidy.
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#14
(04-10-2017, 08:14 AM)MrBiz Wrote: Hi,

Thought I would update and also ask another question.

I decided not to go with meditation yet as it is costly and for some reason can't get legal aid but I have been able to get access recently albeit still an hour and still at soft play, she asked me to set a schedule to suit us both so that I could get access however I declined saying that there was no point as what I want I won't get i.e. her staying over or longer than an hour. Long story short she is still trying to make things difficult.

Anyway my question is this, currently she is living back at her mums house which is a 3 bed and she is back in her room which is a box room with a single bed which they are both in. There is no room for a cot of any type and they are both in the single bed! Can I use this in any form of legal case to get better access etc as I am worried that she might roll over and suffocate or injure my daughter and also it is not the most healthy of environments for a 2yr old to be living in.

Also they constantly smoke around her and the house is just a general mess and never tidy.

Yes, due the fact that as the Resiedent Parent, she should have
1 bedroom for every person or couple 16 or over
2 children of sex can share
2 children under 10 can share.

Even for contact, a child should have their own bed/cot.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#15
Ok so things can take a while to settle down at the start of a separation and both parents start to implement their 'rules' that simply are not law... this happens

From you last post your ex seems to have made a reasonable offer for you to discuss a schedule... your response of declining this is not reasonable and the reason that you don't think you will get what you want in conjecture (and a little immature).. revisit her offer, write down what you want and allow her to say 'no'... your actions now are important as in court (if it gets there) you look like the one who has made things difficult.

To your second question about sleeping arrangements - she is doing something called 'co-sleeping' and while you may not agree with it, loads of parents do it with kids upto age of 2 or so... some later
If you have concerns about the welfare of your child when with the mother you would raise those with social services but that will take you to another level of pain so be careful and have evidence.
Tidiness and mess - nothing yo can do and smoking (i agree with you) but its common.

Get back to her on her offer to work on a schedule - most guys on here would bite your arm off to have an ex who made a reasonable offer like that (put what you want, in line with previous recommendations in this post)
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#16
Thanks for your answers

With regards to the schedule I'll go in to this a bit more, I said no as I know I won't get what I want i.e. sleep overs so I said to her fine ok if she wants a schedule I want to see her from 2pm on Saturday until Sunday till 6pm and she said no, she also said no to 10am - 6pm Sunday and 2pm - 6pm Saturday which would have been sat one week sunday the next etc so I did try and she declined and it went back to Sat afternoon softplay.

I don't want to go down the whole social services/legal route yet as I want to try and keep things amicable between us as I do want to try and resolve our issues as well, personally I think she has pre natal which a lot of people have suggested also (no idea how I can bring that up with her).

I will try again with the schedule.
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#17
(04-10-2017, 09:19 AM)MrBiz Wrote: Thanks for your answers

With regards to the schedule I'll go in to this a bit more, I said no as I know I won't get what I want i.e. sleep overs so I said to her fine ok if she wants a schedule I want to see her from 2pm on Saturday until Sunday till 6pm and she said no, she also said no to 10am - 6pm Sunday and 2pm - 6pm Saturday which would have been sat one week sunday the next etc so I did try and she declined and it went back to Sat afternoon softplay.

I don't want to go down the whole social services/legal route yet as I want to try and keep things amicable between us as I do want to try and resolve our issues as well, personally I think she has pre natal which a lot of people have suggested also (no idea how I can bring that up with her).

I will try again with the schedule.

The schedule should suit your avalaiblty, and if this goes to court, her prefered choice of times has no legal bearing on things.

It is up to her to arrange any child care needed, outside your contact times.

You have the right to set out what contact you want, and where there is no proved child welfare/protection issues, in court you would get Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays if you asked if the child is over 2.

If she needs help with child care, that can be by agreement still, but her babysitting needs should not form part of your contact time.

Does any Mediation Agreement or Court Order exist?
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#18
(04-10-2017, 09:25 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(04-10-2017, 09:19 AM)MrBiz Wrote: Thanks for your answers

With regards to the schedule I'll go in to this a bit more, I said no as I know I won't get what I want i.e. sleep overs so I said to her fine ok if she wants a schedule I want to see her from 2pm on Saturday until Sunday till 6pm and she said no, she also said no to 10am - 6pm Sunday and 2pm - 6pm Saturday which would have been sat one week sunday the next etc so I did try and she declined and it went back to Sat afternoon softplay.

I don't want to go down the whole social services/legal route yet as I want to try and keep things amicable between us as I do want to try and resolve our issues as well, personally I think she has pre natal which a lot of people have suggested also (no idea how I can bring that up with her).

I will try again with the schedule.

The schedule should suit your avalaiblty, and if this goes to court, her prefered choice of times has no legal bearing on things.

It is up to her to arrange any child care needed, outside your contact times.

You have the right to set out what contact you want, and where there is no proved child welfare/protection issues, in court you would get Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays if you asked if the child is over 2.

If she needs help with child care, that can be by agreement still, but her babysitting needs should not form part of your contact time.

Does any Mediation Agreement or Court Order exist?
Her mum looks after the little one whilst she is at work (full time Mon-Fri and 9-12 Sat with only Sunday off) 

I understand from reading threads here I do have the right but how do i get this through to her that I am legally allowed without all hell braking loose?

I was going to go to mediation but I could not get legal aid without paying maintenance, this was only one place that said it though and there are no court orders.

I want to try and keep it going that way if I can

Also she says she is going out so i can't see her yet I know for a fact she is just staying at home
[/quote]
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#19
(04-10-2017, 09:34 AM)MrBiz Wrote:
(04-10-2017, 09:25 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(04-10-2017, 09:19 AM)MrBiz Wrote: Thanks for your answers

With regards to the schedule I'll go in to this a bit more, I said no as I know I won't get what I want i.e. sleep overs so I said to her fine ok if she wants a schedule I want to see her from 2pm on Saturday until Sunday till 6pm and she said no, she also said no to 10am - 6pm Sunday and 2pm - 6pm Saturday which would have been sat one week sunday the next etc so I did try and she declined and it went back to Sat afternoon softplay.

I don't want to go down the whole social services/legal route yet as I want to try and keep things amicable between us as I do want to try and resolve our issues as well, personally I think she has pre natal which a lot of people have suggested also (no idea how I can bring that up with her).

I will try again with the schedule.

The schedule should suit your avalaiblty, and if this goes to court, her prefered choice of times has no legal bearing on things.

It is up to her to arrange any child care needed, outside your contact times.

You have the right to set out what contact you want, and where there is no proved child welfare/protection issues, in court you would get Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays if you asked if the child is over 2.

If she needs help with child care, that can be by agreement still, but her babysitting needs should not form part of your contact time.

Does any Mediation Agreement or Court Order exist?
Her mum looks after the little one whilst she is at work (full time Mon-Fri and 9-12 Sat with only Sunday off) 

I understand from reading threads here I do have the right but how do i get this through to her that I am legally allowed without all hell braking loose?

I was going to go to mediation but I could not get legal aid without paying maintenance, this was only one place that said it though and there are no court orders.

I want to try and keep it going that way if I can

Also she says she is going out so i can't see her yet I know for a fact she is just staying at home
[/quote]

You shoudl be going for Residance, based on the fact she is not carring out her Parental Responablitys, by putting the child in the full time care of her mother.

Grandparents in law have no rights over parents in your situation.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#20
You shoudl be going for Residance, based on the fact she is not carring out her Parental Responablitys, by putting the child in the full time care of her mother.

Grandparents in law have no rights over parents in your situation.
[/quote]

But then that means she would be with my full time no, if so what about my job etc as I have no family in the UK or child care available (that I know of)?

She stopped my mum seeing her when she was 5 months old
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