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Awkward Ex
#1
Hi Everyone,

Just looking for some advice really, I have made the thread here as it mainly relates to my daughter.

I have been with my gf (not sure what we are right now) for nearly 6 years and we now have a daughter just coming up to 2yrs old. In Sept 2016 we had a massive argument and we didnt speak for weeks then in Oct whilst I was out she went back to her parents and took my daughter with her along with everything of hers and the little ones and when I say everything I mean everything, pics, toys, bath stuff etc the lot obviously when I returned I was in bits.

We had been texting and we were speaking it was amicable and we wanted to (well I did and thought she did) make things work again and move forward with a view to moving back together. I was able to see the little one on a weekend but this was for like an hour in the park on a Sunday, I was texting asking to meet again and 2 weeks later I saw her again for another hour this time in the high street. I kept asking for more time and if the little one could stay over and I was told no and kept getting routine as an excuse etc and that she didn't want the LO to get confused being in two places! Things got heated we argued but it was sorted. I managed to see her 2 more times again before Xmas same again High Street for an hour then soft play for a bit.

When it came to Xmas I said that I didn't want to see them for an hour in the street like what has been happening previous and that I didn't want to put myself through being with the LO and not opening gifts etc as it would be to painful, and it was not fair on me. I sent her gifts via Amazon and had them wrapped and when they arrived the gf went mad coz I didn't put from the both of us! Then a few days later I got a pic saying that the LO loved her gift but it was 7 days before xmas, I asked why she opened them and she said she didn't know they were gifts which is a blatant lie.

I kept quiet for 2 weeks and didn't text as I was so angry and upset by this I then got a text NYE I got this text " I don't know whether that's just because of xmas or what it is but with the new year approaching I wanna know exactly where me & xxxx stand. Please at least let us know your ok" All I could say was that I can't tell her where she stands if I don't know then no reply for a week so I text and get a reply saying to wait coz her nan died and we can speak then so I wait, 2 weeks I text again the same text wait till after funeral.

Skip to last Tuesday and i say where do you want to meet and when and she says to meet her after work but she has to be back to feed LO, I explain that I can't get there in time and we would only have 10 mins to talk. The same has been going on since now but on Monday I said I want LO to stay Sat no excuses she said no and I have been trying ever since to see her but getting excuse after excuse and the only thing she said was that I can go to her mums and see her but that is not fair as we can't relax, everyone will be there and it's not a good environment.

Today I checked to see if I could get Legal aid based on what I saw on this forum and also sent of a form to a meditation place to try and resolve things so that I can see my daughter and if we can sort the relationship out then good but my daughter comes first.

What I am looking for is a bit of advice as to what to do or what would you guys do and what should I expect moving forward both legally and financially and what would you have done if you were me?

Long post I know but thought I would add a back story.

Any comments/help appreciated.

Thanks
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#2
Hey,

A few points (but honestly you already know this i think ;-) )

Is your name on the birth cirtificate. If not, you need to get this, if it is all good as you have equality as a parent
You need to decide if you want to work at the relationship or not
Get someone to look after the kids and go for coffee with your gf and talk
No matter what you decide, the child has rights to a good relationship with both parents - what your gf is currently doing is wrong. she has no rights to "control" your access to your daughter or dictate where you see her or dictate what you do when you have time with her or give you excuse after excuse
If talking to her is not working, suggest mediation, if that works great, if not you need to go to court to protect your daughters rights to spend time quality with her father

Don't focus on the lies, xmas presents etc... every day will be something new .... its common but distracting. Your main focus should be on restablishing regular quality contact with your daughter.

Hope others will add some further advice
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#3
Thanks for your reply Smile

My name is on the birth certificate and she has both our surnames (something I didn't want).

I kind of do want things to work out between us and I think she does to however i think that all the bitterness is coming from the mother as she is a terrible person (everyone probably says that on here)

I have tried to meet her but as I said it is only going to be for 20 mins if that and I don't think we can cover everything in 20 mins so I am stuck as she doesn't want to come over anymore and is making me do all the running about.

I agree, she has no right to tell me when and where I can see her but she is making it hard for me to see her.

I am waiting for midmediation to get back to me as I think this might be the best way to go but unsure what will happen if she ignores them as I read this mediation has to happen before court?

My mum said to speak to a solicitor and get them to write a letter with a schedule etc but I think that might be a waste of time and money as it's not legally binding.
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#4
(02-16-2017, 11:24 AM)MrBiz Wrote: Thanks for your reply Smile

My name is on the birth certificate and she has both our surnames (something I didn't want).

I kind of do want things to work out between us and I think she does to however i think that all the bitterness is coming from the mother as she is a terrible person (everyone probably says that on here)

I have tried to meet her but as I said it is only going to be for 20 mins if that and I don't think we can cover everything in 20 mins so I am stuck as she doesn't want to come over anymore and is making me do all the running about.

I agree, she has no right to tell me when and where I can see her but she is making it hard for me to see her.

I am waiting for midmediation to get back to me as I think this might be the best way to go but unsure what will happen if she ignores them as I read this mediation has to happen before court?

My mum said to speak to a solicitor and get them to write a letter with a schedule etc but I think that might be a waste of time and money as it's not legally binding.

Unless you can evidance that the child has had nights away from your ex in the past (it does not matter who with), then your not going to get Staying Contact, until the child is 2.  What you should be getting is 4 to 6 hours of unsupervised contact, over 1 or 2 days. Until a Child Arrangments Order is made, you on the same legal standing as your ex. Once the order is made, its your decision on what you do in time the court has put the child in your care.

From 2, the starting point would normally be Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays. However, contact is about your avalability, not the ex partners prefereed days and times.

Midweek visits or stay overs are normal, where you want more like shared care. Indirect contact can be part of the order, once the child is older (telephone etc).

Right now your way forward is Mediation, what you might get legal aid for. You do not get the right to apply to court in most cases, unless you have
a, Mediation Deadlock
b, Mediation No Show
c, A Mediation Agreement to exist, but not be followed by either party.

The court application fee is currently £215, but it can be reduced if on a low income, or free on some means tested benefits, so check with your local court office ont his. You will not get legal aid for a Solictor, but most of us on here have self represented, and we can advise you on this.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#5
Hi Mark,

With regards to her being away from the ex overnight alone this only happened once or twice that I recall and that was when we were together and she stayed at her nan's whilst we were out but since then she has never been alone overnight the ex has always been with her.

She is 2 next month and what you put about seeing her every 2 weeks is what I want but I am not being allowed.

On the mediation and court bit, I have a funny feeling she will probably ignore it (on the advice of her mum) so where does that leave me then as I want to fix things be it just access or the relationship too but if she does ignore then what?

Also how long does would this normally take?

Thanks
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#6
(02-16-2017, 10:00 PM)MrBiz Wrote: Hi Mark,

With regards to her being away from the ex overnight alone this only happened once or twice that I recall and that was when we were together and she stayed at her nan's whilst we were out but since then she has never been alone overnight the ex has always been with her.

She is 2 next month and what you put about seeing her every 2 weeks is what I want but I am not being allowed.

On the mediation and court bit, I have a funny feeling she will probably ignore it (on the advice of her mum) so where does that leave me then as I want to fix things be it just access or the relationship too but if she does ignore then what?

Also how long does would this normally take?

Thanks

Contact a local Mediation Company, best at first to find one that does Legal Aid, in case you can get it.

There is no set timescales, as waiting list are not the same in every company, or local Court.

Normally you would get an appointment for in about 3 weeks, as they have to write to her with notice of it.

If she does not show, they will give you the letter, so you can apply to court.

This would normally result in a court date being produced in 2 weeks, for in 2 weeks time. At that point she will be asked a very direct question by the Judge, Why?

Unless her answer is Child Welfare/Protection related, at that point you can ask for an Interim Order.

Go straight for overnight contact, stating the child is nearly 2 anyway, but in the past the child has been left overnight with a family member, what has set a president on provision for the feeding of the child.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#7
I have an appointment set for the 3rd March for initial consultation etc so I will see what is said there.

So realistically 2 months before anything may or may not get sorted?

When you say "Unless her answer is Child Welfare/Protection related, at that point you can ask for an Interim Order." what do you mean as I don't think she will appear the the meeting due to the fact she won't see it as important and won't want to take time off work etc. Also what is interim order, does that mean the little one will move back with me full time as I don't really want just yet as I can't afford to take time off work and her parents babysit I just want to see her.

I will definitely ask for overnight as this is what I want
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#8
Is your initial consultation with The Mediator? Or a solicitor?
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#9
(02-17-2017, 01:09 PM)MrBiz Wrote: I have an appointment set for the 3rd March for initial consultation etc so I will see what is said there.

So realistically 2 months before anything may or may not get sorted?

When you say "Unless her answer is Child Welfare/Protection related, at that point you can ask for an Interim Order." what do you mean as I don't think she will appear the the meeting due to the fact she won't see it as important and won't want to take time off work etc. Also what is interim order, does that mean the little one will move back with me full time as I don't really want just yet as I can't afford to take time off work and her parents babysit I just want to see her.

I will definitely ask for overnight as this is what I want

If she says the reason for no contact is due to concerns she has about you with regard to the child being safe, then her claims would have to be looked at, by Social Services and/or Cafcasss.

Otherwise, there is no valid reason for you not to have contact so an Interim Order will give you some contact, until the case ends.
The order will say along the lines of xxxx LIVES WITH xxxx, and spends time with xxxx , it will at this point state your contact arrangements.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#10
My appointment will be with the The Mediator

---------------

She won't and can't say anything about the safety as there is no foundation for this whatsoever.

What happens if she does not follow the order should one be given?

----------------

Just thought I would add that I got a text this morning saying 

"Me & **** will be in **** tomorrow afternoon if you want to see her"

I really do want to see her but again it will be in the shopping centre and this time one that takes 2 hours for me too get to so what do I do, go see her just for an hour in the shopping mall or say no and wait till mediation?

Also why do my posts disappear when I reply more than once?
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