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First post... I need advice badly.. At wits end...
#1
Sad 
Hi Guys,

Well. I am one of those hen pecked dads. Did not have a single control of anything in my life and got to the point after 7 years of not being allowed so much as to buy a magazine, to say enough was enough and for my mental well being I left the marital home.

Nearly 20 months as passed. I see my children 3 times a week. I end up with chore lists. I do those to keep the peace and ensure my 2 perfect children life's are ok.

I take whatever emotional hit that is laid on me. Get on with being a father and do my tears when I get home. I am still being controlled from afar.

My life is turning a little brighter. A wonderful woman, has been in my life a number of months now, and as moved in 1st of Jan. Ex wife has gone nuts.

The day she found out. I was doing child care at her home. She will not allow me to have my children outside of it. She stole my keys. Attempted to leave her home to go and assault my girlfriend. She ended up at my home banging on the door shouting through the letter box at my girlfriend, while I was stuck at the mums house with the children asleep upstairs. I ended up calling the police who gave her a verbal talking to, and made her come away from the property. She did not return my keys on the police request, and claimed she threw them down a drain. The outcome I had to contact the landlord and pay for 2 outer doors to have their locks changed.

The wife due to me involving the police. wrote to the school, telling them not to let me take the children out of school as she feared I would kidnap them. She also told my 8 year old daughter it was unsafe to get into a car with daddy.

She sent my girlfriend a valentines card....

And now for my whopper... I am sat here waiting for my annual landlord inspection. Hes going to be here any minute.. 2 hours ago, a parcel was delivered. I opened it. Boom... My front room is covered in pink and gold glitter. She bombed my house knowing about the inspection.

I keep being told by her, that if i tell another adult or go through mediators or get a solicitor,  she will move to the other side of the country, more or less making it near impossible for me to see my children. She says she will never grant the divorce and that until im gone 5 years I will be her husband.

If i tell my 8 year old girl that someone else is in my life. Wife will cut off childrens access.

I am running emotionally on empty from all the mental abuse of all of this. I dont have much money, i earn ok, but the cash goes on debt, rent, bills, maintenance, leaving me very little. I maybe have £30 a week spare.

I need to protect my rights to see the kids. My children mean the world to me, its why I take what I do from the ex wife.

What advice can anyone give? How does anyone like me find a little sanity in life? How can I protect visitation rights? Is it possible as the father to get the children in my home for 2 nights a week? How do I get my wife to behave?
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#2
Hey Tom,

I am sorry to hear of your issues, believe me, it can get easier (and it does).

Are you named on the Birth Certificate?
If so, in the absence of an agreement you have the same legal rights as she does at this moment in time.

If I was you, I would lodge a C100 (it sounds like you would be able to skip mediation in this case), CAFCASS, etc will get involved when it goes to court, but just be reasonable and honest and you should come out the other side, a starting point is normally two weekends per fortnight and a night during the week.

You should obtain a Prohibited Steps Order stating that your ex has said she will move the kids away if you do anything, you can get this done without notice so that she is unaware you are doing it.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#3
''And now for my whopper... I am sat here waiting for my annual landlord inspection. Hes going to be here any minute.. 2 hours ago, a parcel was delivered. I opened it. Boom... My front room is covered in pink and gold glitter. She bombed my house knowing about the inspection.''

My god, sorry mate but that just made me laugh so hard!!! But on a serious note, this woman is mentally unstable. I hope you have reported this to the police and have it made official so you have it as evidence in the future?

At the end of the day mate, she can make all the threats she wants...you are a dad and you have rights. Follow the advice given by some of the other guys on here with regard exactly what steps to take from a legal point of view and it will work out OK in the end. Make sure you stay calm and keep records of everything that she is threatening to do - keep all texts and emails.... also invest in something to record phone calls so you have it all as evidence. In fact, I would do that immediately and record the next phone call, making sure you discuss the glitter bomb!

Best of luck and please keep us posted on how things pan out.
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#4
Woah mate ... that's tough but you do not need to take it

I'll give you some quick opinion on each point that i went 'FFS' at ;-)

Chores - like a letter from the ex with "wash their hair, do their nail"s etc? - you can manage the kids without micro management - give the letter back to her and say you will call her if you need help (don't call)

No need to cry - seems you are doing a great job and you have to but a boundary up to this abuse

You having new partner (well done) has nothing to do with your ex... she can go as nuts as she likes

You can take your children anywhere you like in your contact time so the ex has no say so don't agree to it

She stole your keys - inform the police
She verbally abused your girlfriend - inform the police
She tried to gain access to your house - inform the police
You need to apply for a non molestation order here - you have a right to live in peace

The school cannot deny you information if you have Parental Responsibility (name on birth cert)
Make a meeting with the head master and remind him of his duties
The threat of losing access to your kid will tell you that you will never kidnap your own child - she is only saying this to wind you up

Telling the kid its unsafe to go with you - common approach from an ex but she should be warned about that by social services or a judge!

Valentines card - non molestation order for your new girlfriend against the ex would but a stop to that

Glitter bomb - keep all evidence - call police - its harassment

She can threaten to move - its blackmail - if you have this in email or text - its vital evidence - keep it - you will need it in court

She CANNOT cut your access off to your kid because you have a new gf

You need to be paying child maintenance - assume you do but its not linked to access

You only take it from the ex wife because you allow it but you can stop it... practice a smile and only talk about kid and ignore everything else


Advice above^ / you need to stop this mess - legally and emotionally / you don't have visitation rights ... unless a court order exists your CHILD has the rights to quality time with her father / You can get 1 or 2 nights a week, every other weekend / get non molestation order on your wife to stop her contacting your gf and harassing you
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#5
Good lord!

YOU need to take control pronto.

Use CMS calculator to ensure you're paying the right amount, if not apply to CMS yourself. If you are overpaying this may sort things if so.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance/y

You've had some good advice regarding getting a non molestation order and court granted contact. Please follow it.

As for Divorce if you have grounds based on mental harraemt /abuse she may not be able to stop it .

Once she knows you will not put up with this carry on it may lessen. I hope it does.

Good luck!
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#6
(02-16-2017, 01:13 PM)Hazy Wrote: Once she knows you will not put up with this carry on it may lessen. I hope it does.

Good luck!

I also hope but actually, its likely to get worse.... however, you need to go through some short term pain to get some long term life back.

Top Tip: Put what is happening into its own bucket and keep it all compartmentalized, break it down and deal with it 1 by 1
eg she attacks your girlfriend... police and non molestation order
She attacks you ... police and non molestation order
She stops contact with kids... mediation and court - if you can show domestic violence against you then you go to court

Going to generalize here for effect but men can breakdown problems into bite size chunks - this is a huge help here espcially when you are fighting 20 battles at once - prioritise them and deal with them as they come
Women tend to link everything together eg new GF, access to kids, you, money, a random text message... which can be useful as they convince themselves access is related to you having a new partner... and they eventually become unstuck
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#7
Thanks everyone. Been to citizens advice. and I called a solicitor.

Waiting for them to call back for an appointment.
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