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How do we live ?
#1
Hi all.
Just wanted to know how do we actually live after separation/divorce?
Once you deduct maintenance and other outgoings from your monthly wage how do we find anywhere to live.
No child. ..the option would be flat or house share... but I can't see it being sustainable or suitable having you child stay in your room when they come to stay.
Currently back at mums...hopefully short term but it's only a 2 bed and he stays in my room.
I'll be splitting let's say 100k (65/35%) with the ex ...so unless I rent for the rest my life I can not see me buying anywhere (live in surrey) and even renting will mean I'm dipping into this 35k until it's gone and then who knows how I will survive.
I know I need to stop worrying about this as it's a long way off until I'm even in this situation to be able to look but its a the back of mind most days.

Funny how there is no housing help for dads let alone dads with money in the bank.
Thanks for reading. ..
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#2
(02-16-2017, 05:57 PM)Notsohappybutnotsosure Wrote: Hi all.
Just wanted to know how do we actually live after separation/divorce?
Once you deduct maintenance and other outgoings from your monthly wage how do we find anywhere to live.
No child. ..the option would be flat or house share... but I can't see it being sustainable or suitable having you child stay in your room when they come to stay.
Currently back at mums...hopefully short term but it's only a 2 bed and he stays in my room.
I'll be splitting let's say 100k (65/35%) with the ex ...so unless I rent for the rest my life I can not see me buying anywhere (live in surrey) and even renting will mean I'm dipping into this 35k until it's gone and then who knows how I will survive.
I know I need to stop worrying about this as it's a long way off until I'm even in this situation to be able to look but its a the back of mind most days.

Funny how there is no housing help for dads let alone dads with money in the bank.
Thanks for reading. ..

Why will you be splitting 65/35 with the ex. Since the Welfare Reforms gave Resident Parents a better deal, as they now have what the law says coming in PLUS the Child Support when you are looking at division of assets, there is no longer a claim for a higher amount due to costs of bring up the child.

It now comes down to what position you was both in coming into the relationship, with any assets (including money) from during it 50/50, if married after debt is paid. While you was together, in law it was Family Money, regardless of who earned what.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
(02-16-2017, 05:57 PM)Notsohappybutnotsosure Wrote: Hi all.
Just wanted to know how do we actually live after separation/divorce?
Once you deduct maintenance and other outgoings from your monthly wage how do we find anywhere to live.
No child. ..the option would be flat or house share... but I can't see it being sustainable or suitable having you child stay in your room when they come to stay.
Currently back at mums...hopefully short term but it's only a 2 bed and he stays in my room.
I'll be splitting let's say 100k (65/35%) with the ex ...so unless I rent for the rest my life I can not see me buying anywhere (live in surrey) and even renting will mean I'm dipping into this 35k until it's gone and then who knows how I will survive.
I know I need to stop worrying about this as it's a long way off until I'm even in this situation to be able to look but its a the back of mind most days.

Funny how there is no housing help for dads let alone dads with money in the bank.
Thanks for reading. ..

You do, because its survival. because we either do that or sink, and instinct will kick in and you will fight.

When I came out of everything, i rented a room that was it. until I steadily got back on my feet again. agreed the teams at Cant Manage S**T or CMS as they are now called, will be very helpful in extracting even more money from you for last years wages even if you do have to live on the poverty line, but you survive. 
Keep your chin up and forge on. onwards and upwards!
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#4
There is very little support out there for Dads as you are treated as a single guy with no children for housing and benefits.

The adjustment period will be hard but adjust you must.

If money is tight you also need to check that the maintenance you pay will be reasonable and affordable and in line with CMS calculations.

Perhaps use the time living with your Mum to clear some debt if you have any, save for a deposit or simply add to the £ you get from any agreement.

As a minimum a one bed flat could be suitable as the child could have your bedroom and either you have a sofa bed or large sofa for yourself when your child stays over. If this is unaffordable right now your only choice may be sharing or a room.

Buying can be cheaper than renting if you have a good deposit. Could be worth looking at schemes like rent to buy or similar. Moving a few miles away could result in cheaper house prices/rent. A quick look on Rightmove shows that Surrey isn't the cheapest of places for housing.

Budgeting and sacrificing some things will become the name of the game until you have adjusted and over time things should get better.
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#5
Hi All,
Thanks for coming back to me - any responses have made me feel less alone and crap !

Mark - thats good to know, however she went to see a blood sucker (sorry I mean solicitor) and she said they would look to go for minimum of 60 or 70% as she has the child.
Obviously I disagreed with this and that why I agreed in principal to the lesser split of 65/35 - to meet in the middle.
We are yet to complete the consent order and are trying to do this ourselves and then get it rubber stamped.

If we go to court to argue - it will cost me approx 5 to 10K for every 5K we argue about so I can't see the point to be honest and don't want to really test it or use solicitors.
I know she wants the higher amount as she thinks she can use this to get a part buy / part rent rahter than rent.
Also every time we discuss this split of money it causes a major conflict. Starts her worrying about the stability for her and our child for the future.

As it is I got an agreement finally! that she will start to pay half of the running costs of the house we have until its sold. Which will certainly help in the short term.
Currently I am paying mortgage and all other things associated costs (apart from gas and electric) - to the tune of £1100 a month.

I want to whats best/fair (although fair never really comes into it) for both of us and our son. I know that her future issues are not my problem but equally so I don't really want my son to be having his mum worry about this and ultimately moving from one rented accomodation to another until all the money is used up.
I say this as no council will help her until she doesn't have a pot to pee in and even then they will be reluctant to help.


Very hard to know what to do

just to add - I agreed in principle regarding the split of equity as this means she will not go after spousal maintenence (not that she was accustomed to any sort of life when she was with me) and will not go after my pension - which also is a pittance.
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#6
(02-17-2017, 11:20 AM)Notsohappybutnotsosure Wrote: Hi All,
Thanks for coming back to me - any responses have made me feel less alone and crap !

Mark - thats good to know, however she went to see a blood sucker (sorry I mean solicitor) and she said they would look to go for minimum of 60 or 70% as she has the child.
Obviously I disagreed with this and that why I agreed in principal to the lesser split of 65/35 - to meet in the middle.
We are yet to complete the consent order and are trying to do this ourselves and then get it rubber stamped.

If we go to court to argue - it will cost me approx 5 to 10K for every 5K we argue about so I can't see the point to be honest and don't want to really test it or use solicitors.
I know she wants the higher amount as she thinks she can use this to get a part buy / part rent rahter than rent.
Also every time we discuss this split of money it causes a major conflict. Starts her worrying about the stability for her and our child for the future.

As it is I got an agreement finally! that she will start to pay half of the running costs of the house we have until its sold. Which will certainly help in the short term.
Currently I am paying mortgage and all other things associated costs (apart from gas and electric) - to the tune of £1100 a month.

I want to whats best/fair (although fair never really comes into it) for both of us and our son. I know that her future issues are not my problem but equally so I don't really want my son to be having his mum worry about this and ultimately moving from one rented accomodation to another until all the money is used up.
I say this as no council will help her until she doesn't have a pot to pee in and even then they will be reluctant to help.


Very hard to know what to do

just to add - I agreed in principle regarding the split of equity as this means she will not go after spousal maintenence (not that she was accustomed to any sort of life when she was with me) and will not go after my pension - which also is a pittance.

For her to get Spouce Maintance she has to prove disadvantage due to the relatinship. It comes down to what she was doing at the start, and where she is now.

Even if disadvantaged, a Judge might decide she has a year to be back where she was, as thats when Spouce Maintance will end.
If she gets any benefits, including Tax Credits, any award would be considered as income, reducing benefit by 100% of it.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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