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Anxiety
#1
Hi,

Think this has been brouched before... but how do we cope with contact with the ex's.
I hate the feeling of receiving a message through whatever format, email, Whatsapp - my heart pumps, blood boils and want to respond straight away but also worried it always gets mis interpretated !

Just want to feel calm and at peace.
Further more as we are going through the divorce - its also an area for conflict!
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#2
Wait 24 hours before responding unless it's urgent and about your kids

Most messages can be filed in the B1N ? And those that require a response she can wait... It it's that urgent she can call you!
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#3
(02-21-2017, 11:48 AM)Notsohappybutnotsosure Wrote: Hi,

Think this has been brouched before... but how do we cope with contact with the ex's.
I hate the feeling of receiving a message through whatever format, email, Whatsapp - my heart pumps, blood boils and want to respond straight away but also worried it always gets mis interpretated !

Just want to feel calm and at peace.
Further more as we are going through the divorce - its also an area for conflict!

Hi there...

I suffer from this in a big way, especially in the days coming up to my weekend with my child. It eases off a little as time goes by, but then when I get an email or text, I usually go straight back to anger, rage, anxiety

The only tip I have is this - Set up a new email address specifically for contact with the ex, nothing else. Email her and explain that all future communications are to be sent to that email, with all phone / text / WhatsApp contact to cease immediately with the exception of emergency situations regarding the kids. This way, you will not get the sudden anxiety attacks when her name pops up on your phone etc. Get into the habit of checking her email once a week, once a day - whatever suits you - but at least you will be prepared for it.

And I also agree, never respond straight away as it will be an emotional response rather than a logical one.

I feel for you mate, I have the exact same problem, some times so bad on a Friday evening when I am expecting drop off that I feel as though I am close to having a heart attack.
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#4
Thanks chaps.
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#5
Yep. I have a filter set up so emails go into a separate folder and don't clog up my inbox. Then I deal with them every few days.

The reason I did this I will ask as a question... Please share your answers

How many emails do you get off the ex each month?

On average I get 75 emails, 50 texts plus voice calls - all to my work phone! That's not normal eh?
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#6
(02-24-2017, 10:12 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: How many emails do you get off the ex each month?

On average I get 75 emails, 50 texts plus voice calls - all to my work phone! That's not normal eh?

No, that is a bit over the top.

I started ignoring my ex a couple of months back, that did the trick. Don't get any now. Happy days. Obviously cannot stay like that long term, but hopefully she get the message that she cant just be emailing, calling and texting as and when it suits her.

On that subject, one thing I don't miss is the double standards! So I would email her with a question or request.... I would be lucky if I got a response within a week and even then it would always be the opposite of what I wanted to hear. However, if I did not respond to her questions on the same day, I would get a barrage of abuse, calling me a useless father who doesn't care etc. Looking back at it now, its just unbelievable!
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#7
0 emails.
4 texts a week.

And I'm happy with that.

I tried to maintain a friendly relationship via email, but it gave the babysitter the hump.

Also, to overcome the anxiety, I can highly recommend reading about the philosophy of Stoicism.

It is about overcoming adversity, and realising that with practise we have total control over how we react to the events that happen in our lives.

It's done me wonders.
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