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holiday permission
#1
My ex and I separated 11 months ago.. we have a 3 year old daughter, unmarried and I have parental responsibility and 50% residency. She has been seeing someone for the last few months (don't know how many exactly). She now asks permission to go on holiday.. No problem, I am happy to give her this permission but I asked first if she is going with her new partner then I wish to meet him first.. She point blank refuses to even answer my question, threatens a court order and will in no way offer me any information on the subject, says I can not dictate who she goes out with, which I have not tried to do.. I have no interest in her personal life whatsoever.. only the safety of my daughter. She also says I should trust her judgement of partner....

I am considering going to court to stop her on the these grounds: When we split she accused me of being abusive and called me a psychopath, tried to take me to court which was thrown out at the first stage... whilst we were together she accused her last 4 boyfriends of being aggressive, controlling psychopaths.. and passed on many stories of these men and the things they allegedly did.. on the basis of this I have a very serious concern about her choice of men and am petrified about a guy I have never met being potentially alone with my daughter in a foreign country.

I have only asked her that I wish to meet this man.. the 3 of us sit and have a coffee together just so I can assess what kind of man this might be... Does this sound like a reasonable request to you? It seems utterly reasonable to me, and massively unreasonable for her to refuse and not understand my concerns. What should I do and is there anywhere I can go for some official advice on what I should and how to do it? 

Many thanks
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#2
if you refuse to allow your child to go on holiday then she would have to apply to the courts which will take months

you might remind her that you meeting her boyfriend would be the easiest solution instead of her dragging her daughter through the courts for no reason at all

what you could do is mention to your ex about having her new boyfriends back ground completely checked this may force her to give her hand
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#3
Thanks Cornish...

Is having his background checked something I could do? How would I do that.. through the police?

I do not know his name, she is a secretive and conceited vindictive woman and will make everything I do as hard as possible?
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#4
(02-23-2017, 02:59 PM)cornishguy91 Wrote: if you refuse to allow your child to go on holiday then she would have to apply to the courts which will take months

Does it really take months for this?
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#5
you can contact the local police and ask about sarahs law


what you can do is contact your ex and say that you want to meet the bloke that is around your child and if she refuses youll contact the police about sarahs law for a bakc ground check

that might worry her and she might agree

if she doesnt agree just ring the police and get it done

it sounds like to me you have nothing to loose either way . if shes refuses to tell you anything about her new partner she might try pushing you out of your childs life try not to let that happen

(02-23-2017, 03:05 PM)strider Wrote:
(02-23-2017, 02:59 PM)cornishguy91 Wrote: if you refuse to allow your child to go on holiday then she would have to apply to the courts which will take months

Does it really take months for this?

it depends on area location and how busy the courts are

can be weeks or months depending on how quick the judge makes his ruling
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#6
To the best of my knowledge....

- She doesn't need your permission to take the child out of the UK unless it is going to be for more than 30 days. Maybe if it was going to mess with your 50/50 contact you may be able to do something, but unless you have really serious concerns, you are just preventing your child from having a nice holiday. Plus what happens when you want to take her away?
- You have absolutely no say in who she chooses to allow around your children
- Sarah's Law is a route that you can go but believe that you need to have cause for concern. At this stage you don't even know the guys name never mind if he is a concern.

Don't get me wrong, I think all of the above points are awful, but its is the way it is in the UK and the NRP doesn't have much say in it.

With regards all of her 4 ex bf's who she accused of doing this that and the other.... she will be saying the same about you now to her new fella. Typical narcissist behaviour. Point being, maybe the 4 ex bf's were not the problem, maybe its her?

This scenario has not happened to me yet but I know its coming. I will let them go without any fuss. At the end of the day, you have to trust that your child is safe whilst being looked after by the mum. Regardless of them being in the UK or somewhere abroad, the mum has brought a new man into the scenario.... so what, your fine with him being there at her house in the UK but if its abroad then that's somehow higher risk? If you feel so strongly that your child is in danger whilst with her mum, call the police and or social services. But I get the feeling that you are upset that it is the ''family holiday'' that is the issue, not the guy in particular.

Hope none of that sounds too blunt, don't mean to be. As I said, I will be in the same scenario soon enough.
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#7
While I think that what you are saying sounds reasonable, she is within her rights to refuse, and I agree with complexkane that ultimately you have to trust that your child is safe whilst being looked after by the mother. Only if you have some evidence, or if your child says or shows you something that gives you cause for genuine concern do I think that you reasonably start to lay down conditions. I’m in something of the reverse situation at the moment, in that my ex is demanding to know about anyone who stays in the house that I’m currently living in when my daughter’s there. My response is that I’m quite capable of judging when there is any risk to my daughter, and that day-to-day care when she’s with me doesn’t require my ex’s permission.

But as she wants to go abroad, if you’ve no child arrangement order in place then she has to have your written permission as doing so without it is child abduction. (If there is an order in place and she is officially the RP then she can go without it for up to 28 days.) So if this does apply then yes, tell her that meeting her boyfriend would be the quickest way to get you to agree…
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#8
(02-23-2017, 03:53 PM)complexkane Wrote: To the best of my knowledge....

- She doesn't need your permission to take the child out of the UK unless it is going to be for more than 30 days. Maybe if it was going to mess with your 50/50 contact you may be able to do something, but unless you have really serious concerns, you are just preventing your child from having a nice holiday. Plus what happens when you want to take her away?
- You have absolutely no say in who she chooses to allow around your children
- Sarah's Law is a route that you can go but believe that you need to have cause for concern. At this stage you don't even know the guys name never mind if he is a concern.

Don't get me wrong, I think all of the above points are awful, but its is the way it is in the UK and the NRP doesn't have much say in it.

With regards all of her 4 ex bf's who she accused of doing this that and the other.... she will be saying the same about you now to her new fella. Typical narcissist behaviour. Point being, maybe the 4 ex bf's were not the problem, maybe its her?

This scenario has not happened to me yet but I know its coming. I will let them go without any fuss. At the end of the day, you have to trust that your child is safe whilst being looked after by the mum. Regardless of them being in the UK or somewhere abroad, the mum has brought a new man into the scenario.... so what, your fine with him being there at her house in the UK but if its abroad then that's somehow higher risk? If you feel so strongly that your child is in danger whilst with her mum, call the police and or social services. But I get the feeling that you are upset that it is the ''family holiday'' that is the issue, not the guy in particular.

Hope none of that sounds too blunt, don't mean to be. As I said, I will be in the same scenario soon enough.

2 corrections.

a, Only if a Child Arrangements Order (or Consent Order covering Child Arrangements) exists, making someone the Resident Parent, do they get the right to take the child out of the UK for up to 28 days. The Order must be worded along the lines of xxxx LIVES WITH xxxx (so its defining who is the Resident Parent). However, this doe not give them the right for this to happen during the other parents contact time, unless its by agreement.

b, For Sarah's Law, you only have to have PR, and know that someone is coming into contact with your child to do it, no concerns are needed.

However, unless the other parent can evidence the risk of the child not being returned, then the court would allow it subject to them knowing flight details, who going, where staying and an emergency phone number.

This might not be the case if the child is entitled to hold another passport as well as a UK one, or if the child is not considered to be a UK National.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#9
I got the opposite.
Despite promising we would both be flexible the Ex is now saying she will not "approve" any holiday plans with kids unless I provide a list of excessive information and it's on certain days for a certain amount of time (she starts at 7 days max and any more than this she sees as a compromise)!!!

She even suggested I present the options to her (PowerPoint I guess) so she could consider what would be best for the kids

It's taken me a while to stop laughing to be honest. We've no court order and have shared PR, custody and residency.

I'll be providing the minimum required details 4 weeks in advance when she hands over the passports ... Of course I expect she won't but happy to go to court to get them.
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#10
...and a copy of the PowerPoint on 3.5 inch floppy disk for her solicitor no doubt.

It's all about power and control innit.
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