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Unable to see my son - will not acknowledge or accept my rights
#1
Hi,

In 2011 I applied to the courts for a court order which I successfully obtained. The court order has been generally followed by myself  and my son's mother, but we have had problems along the way. However, last year August, I was due to have my son for a weeks holiday, but was advised that he had bumped his head - my son is 8 years old. I advised that I would still come for him as it was 6:30pm (the time of which my time starts), and as me and my wife were taking him away for a short break. I was told I cannot have him even though technically it was now my time as per the court order. I advised that as he is coming with his dad he would be fine, as whenever he has had bumps and scraps in the past, I have always dealt with it comfortably. Something appeared suspect to me as to why his mother, and her mother were so insistent in him not coming with me. She advised that he wanted to come with me, in which I responded, so if he decides he doesn't want to go to school, does that mean he doesn't have to? As he is only 8 years old, I don't believe my son is yet old enough in making his own decisions. Anyway, I was told to return the following morning to collect him, in which I advised I cannot as we were going away that evening (as we had originally booked from Thursday, and had already lost a day as I knew I couldn't pick him until the Friday). I contacted the police, but as suspected they advised that they cannot intervene in this scenario. Furthermore, when I asked his mother, and her mother whether they had given him anything to ease the pain, they both came with excuses as to why they hadn't, and the old line of "was just about to do that", even though they had failed to do it in the previous two hours in which it happened.

Since that point in time, we haven't seen my son, which is now approaching 7 months. The reason for this is that his mother will never accept or acknowledge that when it is my time as per the court order, it is now my decisions in regards to my sons upbringing. If she books a holiday, and it falls on my weekend, I am never asked whether it is ok, or can we swap...I am told that it is tough as she has booked a holiday, irrespective of whether I have something planned on my weekend or not. I have him approx. 4 days a month (alternative weekends) yet there is always problems on my weekends, yet I say nothing during her 27 days irrespective of whether I feel there is an issue to be discussed.

I feel that the court order is black and white, and that during the times stated, his mother should acknowledge and accept that that is my time, and within that time it is my decision. My wife and I have had a little girl in that time, so my son has a sister that he has never met, it pains me to think that he  hasn't seen her, but I feel that if his mother does not accept and acknowledge my time as per the court order, there would be many instances where she will not allow me to have him, sighting one reason or another - this would be unfair to his sister, my wife and myself. His mother feels she is above the law, exploiting any situation that she can, and using my son as the tool to do it. I was going to contact CAFCASS, but I don't believe there is anything that they can do? I received a message from his mother saying how my son misses myself and my wife etc, and for us to have him. I responded by saying if she is happy to accept and acknowledge that my time is my time as per the court order, and not for her to intervene, then I am happy to have my son as per the court order. Her response is that she WILL NOT be responding to my demands, expectations or bullying, and that there will be no further discussions on this subject! I find it ridiculous, as I am only asking for what should be mine in the first place, yet even getting that is off limits. I don't know what I can do, but I am not going to bend anymore without the court order at least being adhered to...we have had over 8 years of his mother non stop, we are all getting tired of her and her antics.

Any advice, help, guidance would be greatly appreciated.
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#2
(02-26-2017, 06:00 PM)sca_adviceplease Wrote: Hi,

In 2011 I applied to the courts for a court order which I successfully obtained. The court order has been generally followed by myself  and my son's mother, but we have had problems along the way. However, last year August, I was due to have my son for a weeks holiday, but was advised that he had bumped his head - my son is 8 years old. I advised that I would still come for him as it was 6:30pm (the time of which my time starts), and as me and my wife were taking him away for a short break. I was told I cannot have him even though technically it was now my time as per the court order. I advised that as he is coming with his dad he would be fine, as whenever he has had bumps and scraps in the past, I have always dealt with it comfortably. Something appeared suspect to me as to why his mother, and her mother were so insistent in him not coming with me. She advised that he wanted to come with me, in which I responded, so if he decides he doesn't want to go to school, does that mean he doesn't have to? As he is only 8 years old, I don't believe my son is yet old enough in making his own decisions. Anyway, I was told to return the following morning to collect him, in which I advised I cannot as we were going away that evening (as we had originally booked from Thursday, and had already lost a day as I knew I couldn't pick him until the Friday). I contacted the police, but as suspected they advised that they cannot intervene in this scenario. Furthermore, when I asked his mother, and her mother whether they had given him anything to ease the pain, they both came with excuses as to why they hadn't, and the old line of "was just about to do that", even though they had failed to do it in the previous two hours in which it happened.

Since that point in time, we haven't seen my son, which is now approaching 7 months. The reason for this is that his mother will never accept or acknowledge that when it is my time as per the court order, it is now my decisions in regards to my sons upbringing. If she books a holiday, and it falls on my weekend, I am never asked whether it is ok, or can we swap...I am told that it is tough as she has booked a holiday, irrespective of whether I have something planned on my weekend or not. I have him approx. 4 days a month (alternative weekends) yet there is always problems on my weekends, yet I say nothing during her 27 days irrespective of whether I feel there is an issue to be discussed.

I feel that the court order is black and white, and that during the times stated, his mother should acknowledge and accept that that is my time, and within that time it is my decision. My wife and I have had a little girl in that time, so my son has a sister that he has never met, it pains me to think that he  hasn't seen her, but I feel that if his mother does not accept and acknowledge my time as per the court order, there would be many instances where she will not allow me to have him, sighting one reason or another - this would be unfair to his sister, my wife and myself. His mother feels she is above the law, exploiting any situation that she can, and using my son as the tool to do it. I was going to contact CAFCASS, but I don't believe there is anything that they can do? I received a message from his mother saying how my son misses myself and my wife etc, and for us to have him. I responded by saying if she is happy to accept and acknowledge that my time is my time as per the court order, and not for her to intervene, then I am happy to have my son as per the court order. Her response is that she WILL NOT be responding to my demands, expectations or bullying, and that there will be no further discussions on this subject! I find it ridiculous, as I am only asking for what should be mine in the first place, yet even getting that is off limits. I don't know what I can do, but I am not going to bend anymore without the court order at least being adhered to...we have had over 8 years of his mother non stop, we are all getting tired of her and her antics.

Any advice, help, guidance would be greatly appreciated.

At 7 months, its to late to ask the court to enforce the order.

When you allow an aspect of an order not to be followed 3 times, its viewed you have accepted the change. Up to that point, on filing a C79 application for enforcement, the person not following an order might get a ticking off, fine or unpaid work.

The way forward in your case, is to renew the court order, to make it enforceable.

Apply to vary the existing order, stating the obstruction in you getting your weekends due to claims of sickness, or her arranging holidays in your time.

With regard to sickness, you want to order to be that she has to inform you if there is any medical issue, but as you both have PR and are able to give consent for treatment, it should be your decision as to if contact should go ahead, as you believe that this reason is being missed to prevent contact.

I do not know what you school holiday arrangements are, but to give you an idea, in a half school holiday plan

Bank Holidays, where the child is with you on the day before, you return the child on the Monday instead.

1 week holidays, over the normal weekend, but to start or end on the Wednesday.

2 week holidays, over the normal weekend, so its either Friday till Saturday, or Saturday till Sunday, 8 days.

Summer, both of you to have a 2 week window, to book holidays, her to give you the dates 3 months in advance. 2 months in advance, she has to confirm either 1 block of 8 days, or 2 blocks of 4 days.

Ask for the order to state that if there is any exceptional circumstances where she might need the child on your weekend, she must inform you 21 days in advance, proposing alternative dates you can swap the time for.

Once you get a new order, 1 breach, and file C79.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
Thanks MarkR, it has been a difficult time for everyone, and believe me, we haven't accepted not seeing him, but we cant have our time compromised when she feels. My concern is that his mother could of used sickness as a way of not making him available to me.

How would you attempt to renew the court order?

Are you saying, that once the has been renewed, then apply to vary the existing order? Further to that, I am not consulted in his schooling? I asked his school to send me his attendance report, and it stated that he has had 14 unauthorised absences in this school year so far, when the school have attempted to make contact, there has never been any response from her. She has also taken him on holidays during school time...how to I go about ensuring I am consulted, and that this kind of behaviour stops.

thank you.
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#4
(02-26-2017, 07:26 PM)sca_adviceplease Wrote: Thanks MarkR, it has been a difficult time for everyone, and believe me, we haven't accepted not seeing him, but we cant have our time compromised when she feels. My concern is that his mother could of used sickness as a way of not making him available to me.

How would you attempt to renew the court order?

Are you saying, that once the has been renewed, then apply to vary the existing order? Further to that, I am not consulted in his schooling? I asked his school to send me his attendance report, and it stated that he has had 14 unauthorised absences in this school year so far, when the school have attempted to make contact, there has never been any response from her. She has also taken him on holidays during school time...how to I go about ensuring I am consulted, and that this kind of behaviour stops.

thank you.

You need a C100, Application to vary. This will be in law considered a new Court Order, what can be enforced once made.

As you have PR under the law regardless of any Child Arrangements Order existing, both parents should be sharing information regarding Education and Medical Matters.

Most Schools have systems in place, where you can get Newsletters by email, a chance to buy photos taken in school, and Separate Parents night appointment.
You also have as much right as any other parent to attend, where there is an invitation to all parents to watch a play/assembly etc.

The taking the child out of school is not something you should be consulted on (there is likely to be a fine, if your part to it, it could be yours). However, you could ask the court to make a Specific Issue or Prohibited Steps order on it.

As part of Child Arrangements, you can ask the court to order she has to tell you the reason for none attendance at school.

If your not on record at the doctors, take the birth certificate to show you have PR, and ask them to register the child, with you both on record.
Some places let you view the notes, others say put a request in writing. Its not an NHS Service, and as such they can make a charge for this.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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