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2 year verbal agreement broken
#1
Good morning,

I am at a loss and would appreciate any guidance.

My son will be 11yo in May and we have a very tight relationship.

In October 2014 after a rocky relationship with the father of her second child (now 4yo) my sons mother took a cocktail of drugs and alcohol in an attempt to take her life. In short (as possible) I took full custody of my son and her mother took the youngest boy whilst his mother recovered both physically and mentally. It took over 2 months of social visits and mediation's before the welfare and custody agreements were in place and the social case was settled.

On a rolling fortnight I was to have my son Monday-Wednesday then Friday-Monday. Although I have this in writing and dated by our case worker in the closing family welfare report I don't believe this constitutes a "binding legal agreement". This arrangement has pleased all parties (most importantly my son) for just over 2 years. This stopped abruptly 6 weeks ago against mine and my sons wishes. He was was to go the short walk from school to my mothers as per every other Monday but was collected by his mother.

After asking for cash and threatening me with the CSA I advised my son's mother to go to the CSA. As I have my son a large percentage of the time and pay for all his clothes / school clothes, school trips, hair cuts whilst working full time and claiming no benefits whatsoever I believe she would be entitled to very little and I am not prepared to get her cash due to previous drug and alcohol abuse.

Since I have purchased my son a secondary phone (cheap but with a long battery life) so I can always get hold of him whilst this reduced contact is being enforced but she has now confiscated it.

My partner of 4 years has been very supportive as I have taken this abrupt change as a terrible shock to the system. My son and I do not know what to do. He has begged for things to go back to normal but she replies with "all the time your Dad is being like this I can't let you". According to My son she constantly has mood swings and often says to him "go live with your Dad then". He does want to live with us full time but he is worried because he will not see his little brother.

Sorry for the ramble. If anybody can give us advise, or at the very least relate, it would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks
Jay
Reply
#2
(02-28-2017, 11:07 AM)jaysus85 Wrote: Good morning,

I am at a loss and would appreciate any guidance.

My son will be 11yo in May and we have a very tight relationship.

In October 2014 after a rocky relationship with the father of her second child (now 4yo) my sons mother took a cocktail of drugs and alcohol in an attempt to take her life. In short (as possible) I took full custody of my son and her mother took the youngest boy whilst his mother recovered both physically and mentally. It took over 2 months of social visits and mediation's before the welfare and custody agreements were in place and the social case was settled.

On a rolling fortnight I was to have my son Monday-Wednesday then Friday-Monday. Although I have this in writing and dated by our case worker in the closing family welfare report I don't believe this constitutes a "binding legal agreement". This arrangement has pleased all parties (most importantly my son) for just over 2 years. This stopped abruptly 6 weeks ago against mine and my sons wishes. He was was to go the short walk from school to my mothers as per every other Monday but was collected by his mother.

After asking for cash and threatening me with the CSA I advised my son's mother to go to the CSA. As I have my son a large percentage of the time and pay for all his clothes / school clothes, school trips, hair cuts whilst working full time and claiming no benefits whatsoever I believe she would be entitled to very little and I am not prepared to get her cash due to previous drug and alcohol abuse.

Since I have purchased my son a secondary phone (cheap but with a long battery life) so I can always get hold of him whilst this reduced contact is being enforced but she has now confiscated it.

My partner of 4 years has been very supportive as I have taken this abrupt change as a terrible shock to the system. My son and I do not know what to do. He has begged for things to go back to normal but she replies with "all the time your Dad is being like this I can't let you". According to My son she constantly has mood swings and often says to him "go live with your Dad then". He does want to live with us full time but he is worried because he will not see his little brother.

Sorry for the ramble. If anybody can give us advise, or at the very least relate, it would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks
Jay

I am assuming that this report you have is from Childrens Services, and if it is I would apply direct to court, stating their invovlement in the current set up means that they should be party to any changes, so they can put the local autoritys view (on what they consider best for the child) to the court.

At 11, unless you live in Scotland, under the law the childs "wishes and desires" can come into things.

My sugestion would be for the child to live with you, and visit his mum and brother 1 or 2 times  in week 1, and in week 2 spend the weekend with them. Also up to half the school holidays. However, you can not force her to take up contact.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
(02-28-2017, 06:29 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(02-28-2017, 11:07 AM)jaysus85 Wrote: Good morning,

I am at a loss and would appreciate any guidance.

My son will be 11yo in May and we have a very tight relationship.

In October 2014 after a rocky relationship with the father of her second child (now 4yo) my sons mother took a cocktail of drugs and alcohol in an attempt to take her life. In short (as possible) I took full custody of my son and her mother took the youngest boy whilst his mother recovered both physically and mentally. It took over 2 months of social visits and mediation's before the welfare and custody agreements were in place and the social case was settled.

On a rolling fortnight I was to have my son Monday-Wednesday then Friday-Monday. Although I have this in writing and dated by our case worker in the closing family welfare report I don't believe this constitutes a "binding legal agreement". This arrangement has pleased all parties (most importantly my son) for just over 2 years. This stopped abruptly 6 weeks ago against mine and my sons wishes. He was was to go the short walk from school to my mothers as per every other Monday but was collected by his mother.

After asking for cash and threatening me with the CSA I advised my son's mother to go to the CSA. As I have my son a large percentage of the time and pay for all his clothes / school clothes, school trips, hair cuts whilst working full time and claiming no benefits whatsoever I believe she would be entitled to very little and I am not prepared to get her cash due to previous drug and alcohol abuse.

Since I have purchased my son a secondary phone (cheap but with a long battery life) so I can always get hold of him whilst this reduced contact is being enforced but she has now confiscated it.

My partner of 4 years has been very supportive as I have taken this abrupt change as a terrible shock to the system. My son and I do not know what to do. He has begged for things to go back to normal but she replies with "all the time your Dad is being like this I can't let you". According to My son she constantly has mood swings and often says to him "go live with your Dad then". He does want to live with us full time but he is worried because he will not see his little brother.

Sorry for the ramble. If anybody can give us advise, or at the very least relate, it would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks
Jay

I am assuming that this report you have is from Childrens Services, and if it is I would apply direct to court, stating their invovlement in the current set up means that they should be party to any changes, so they can put the local autoritys view (on what they consider best for the child) to the court.

At 11, unless you live in Scotland, under the law the childs "wishes and desires" can come into things.

My sugestion would be for the child to live with you, and visit his mum and brother 1 or 2 times  in week 1, and in week 2 spend the weekend with them. Also up to half the school holidays. However, you can not force her to take up contact.

Thank you for your response. We live in West Sussex. How do you suggest I go about applying directly to the courts please? Is there a form, online procedure or a phone number to call?

Many thanks
Reply
#4
(03-13-2017, 01:02 PM)jaysus85 Wrote:
(02-28-2017, 06:29 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(02-28-2017, 11:07 AM)jaysus85 Wrote: Good morning,

I am at a loss and would appreciate any guidance.

My son will be 11yo in May and we have a very tight relationship.

In October 2014 after a rocky relationship with the father of her second child (now 4yo) my sons mother took a cocktail of drugs and alcohol in an attempt to take her life. In short (as possible) I took full custody of my son and her mother took the youngest boy whilst his mother recovered both physically and mentally. It took over 2 months of social visits and mediation's before the welfare and custody agreements were in place and the social case was settled.

On a rolling fortnight I was to have my son Monday-Wednesday then Friday-Monday. Although I have this in writing and dated by our case worker in the closing family welfare report I don't believe this constitutes a "binding legal agreement". This arrangement has pleased all parties (most importantly my son) for just over 2 years. This stopped abruptly 6 weeks ago against mine and my sons wishes. He was was to go the short walk from school to my mothers as per every other Monday but was collected by his mother.

After asking for cash and threatening me with the CSA I advised my son's mother to go to the CSA. As I have my son a large percentage of the time and pay for all his clothes / school clothes, school trips, hair cuts whilst working full time and claiming no benefits whatsoever I believe she would be entitled to very little and I am not prepared to get her cash due to previous drug and alcohol abuse.

Since I have purchased my son a secondary phone (cheap but with a long battery life) so I can always get hold of him whilst this reduced contact is being enforced but she has now confiscated it.

My partner of 4 years has been very supportive as I have taken this abrupt change as a terrible shock to the system. My son and I do not know what to do. He has begged for things to go back to normal but she replies with "all the time your Dad is being like this I can't let you". According to My son she constantly has mood swings and often says to him "go live with your Dad then". He does want to live with us full time but he is worried because he will not see his little brother.

Sorry for the ramble. If anybody can give us advise, or at the very least relate, it would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks
Jay

I am assuming that this report you have is from Childrens Services, and if it is I would apply direct to court, stating their invovlement in the current set up means that they should be party to any changes, so they can put the local autoritys view (on what they consider best for the child) to the court.

At 11, unless you live in Scotland, under the law the childs "wishes and desires" can come into things.

My sugestion would be for the child to live with you, and visit his mum and brother 1 or 2 times  in week 1, and in week 2 spend the weekend with them. Also up to half the school holidays. However, you can not force her to take up contact.

Thank you for your response. We live in West Sussex. How do you suggest I go about applying directly to the courts please? Is there a form, online procedure or a phone number to call?

Many thanks
You need your local county court, and its form C100.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply




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