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Advice on Quality of Contact
#1
Hi just after some advice. I'm recently separated from my wife and we have an 18 month old son. Obviously I still want to remain a big part of his life, and am trying to get as much contact as I can. He lives with his mum and has good support from her family. He attends nursery etc near her house so I don't want to disturb that too much but I want to be able to see him. 
She was always quite controlling and is continuing to be so, there has been a couple of weekends when she's denied access all together but thankfully we seem to be past that. She is now letting me see him on a Saturday between 9am and 2pm. I would like to extend these hours but my main concern is at present she won't let me take him out of the house. I'm happy that I get to see him but it's awkward being in the house with her and I'd also like to take him on fun play dates. Where do I stand in terms of the type of access I get? Is she allowed to set stipulations like this? I have always been a positive father and have no issues around this. She was very controlling around my parents seeing him etc and I've just asked if I can take him out this Saturday so they can see him but had this request denied. 

How do I proceed? I'm considering writing a letter threatening to apply for a interim contact order if she doesn't give me proper access. 

Any advice welcomed
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#2
Hey mate,

I'll try and help quickly by copying this out of another thread as its a really common question on here (MarkR is the expert but I guess his fingers hurt from all the typing he does so CTR C and CTR V to the rescue.... I add in a few POINTERS as well...

Assuming you were married when kid was born / on Birth Cert you have Parental Responsibility so equal legal standing

"untill a Child Arrangments Order exists, father is on the same legal standing.

If she obstructs contact, in most cases you need Mediation, and then if not sorted, Court.

Its relevant that you are having regular contact if it goes to court, because she would have to show reason since then, to change things. / KEEP RECORDS or DIARY
If he has not had contact, then she is still going to have to show reason why he should not see the child, and unless its Child Welfare/Protection issues, then the Judge will not be impressed with her to say the least. / KEEP RECORDS OF WHEN SHE REFUSED YOU ACCESS

Unless there is a risk to the child, assumptions are made that the child needs Quality Time with both parents.

IN YOUR TIME WITH KID YOU CAN TAKE THEM WHERE YOU WANT AND TO SEE WHO YOU WANT - IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE EX (as long as kid is safe) - SO YES YOU CAN TAKE HIM OUT THE HOUSE - I ASSUME SHE DOES SO NO REASON WHY YOU CAN'T - AND YOU CAN TAKE HIM TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE OR TO THE PARK OR TO THE SHOPS .... YOU GET THE PICTURE!

Until 2 years old, this is normally 4 to 6 hours, over 1 or 2 days a week. - YOU SEEM TO HAVE THIS SO MAY NOT GET MORE UNTIL KID IS +2YEARS

From 2, the starting point is along the lines of Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays.
Midweek visits or stay-overs can make it more like shared care"

PS
When i say it has nothing to do with your ex ... i mean it BUT its nice to communicate as adults and tell her your popping to your mums house for the afternoon or soft play... this keeps things friendly and open

The problem... and its common... is when the ex tries to control what you do and says you CAN'T take him there or to see this person ... she's wrong, you can.
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#3
That's great many thanks
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#4
(03-01-2017, 12:50 PM)LTCDAD Wrote: Hey mate,

I'll try and help quickly by copying this out of another thread as its a really common question on here (MarkR is the expert but I guess his fingers hurt from all the typing he does so CTR C and CTR V to the rescue.... I add in a few POINTERS as well...

Assuming you were married when kid was born / on Birth Cert you have Parental Responsibility so equal legal standing

"untill a Child Arrangments Order exists, father is on the same legal standing.

If she obstructs contact, in most cases you need Mediation, and then if not sorted, Court.

Its relevant that you are having regular contact if it goes to court, because she would have to show reason since then, to change things. / KEEP RECORDS or DIARY
If he has not had contact, then she is still going to have to show reason why he should not see the child, and unless its Child Welfare/Protection issues, then the Judge will not be impressed with her to say the least. / KEEP RECORDS OF WHEN SHE REFUSED YOU ACCESS

Unless there is a risk to the child, assumptions are made that the child needs Quality Time with both parents.

IN YOUR TIME WITH KID YOU CAN TAKE THEM WHERE YOU WANT AND TO SEE WHO YOU WANT - IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE EX (as long as kid is safe) - SO YES YOU CAN TAKE HIM OUT THE HOUSE - I ASSUME SHE DOES SO NO REASON WHY YOU CAN'T - AND YOU CAN TAKE HIM TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE OR TO THE PARK OR TO THE SHOPS .... YOU GET THE PICTURE!

Until 2 years old, this is normally 4 to 6 hours, over 1 or 2 days a week. - YOU SEEM TO HAVE THIS SO MAY NOT GET MORE UNTIL KID IS +2YEARS

From 2, the starting point is along the lines of Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays.
Midweek visits or stay-overs can make it more like shared care"

PS
When i say it has nothing to do with your ex ... i mean it BUT its nice to communicate as adults and tell her your popping to your mums house for the afternoon or soft play... this keeps things friendly and open

The problem... and its common... is when the ex tries to control what you do and says you CAN'T take him there or to see this person ... she's wrong, you can.
Just to add into this, contact is about the child's right to Quality Time with both parents.

Even if a Child Arrangements Order was to be made, it does not alter the fact that you have PR, so you can give consent for medical treatment etc, so there is no reason for the ex to be present.

Supervised contact is only where Child Welfare/Protection issues exist, or there is a proved risk of no return.

Normally staying contact starts from 2, but you can make a case if you can evidence of provision for feeding the baby has happened, if the child has been away from the mother for a significant amount of time (enough to show a feed would of had to have taken place).
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#5
^ and he mentions the kid already goes to nursery so BINGO on the last point ! :-)
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#6
(03-01-2017, 01:31 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(03-01-2017, 12:50 PM)LTCDAD Wrote: Hey mate,

I'll try and help quickly by copying this out of another thread as its a really common question on here (MarkR is the expert but I guess his fingers hurt from all the typing he does so CTR C and CTR V to the rescue.... I add in a few POINTERS as well...

Assuming you were married when kid was born / on Birth Cert you have Parental Responsibility so equal legal standing

"untill a Child Arrangments Order exists, father is on the same legal standing.

If she obstructs contact, in most cases you need Mediation, and then if not sorted, Court.

Its relevant that you are having regular contact if it goes to court, because she would have to show reason since then, to change things. / KEEP RECORDS or DIARY
If he has not had contact, then she is still going to have to show reason why he should not see the child, and unless its Child Welfare/Protection issues, then the Judge will not be impressed with her to say the least. / KEEP RECORDS OF WHEN SHE REFUSED YOU ACCESS

Unless there is a risk to the child, assumptions are made that the child needs Quality Time with both parents.

IN YOUR TIME WITH KID YOU CAN TAKE THEM WHERE YOU WANT AND TO SEE WHO YOU WANT - IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE EX (as long as kid is safe) - SO YES YOU CAN TAKE HIM OUT THE HOUSE - I ASSUME SHE DOES SO NO REASON WHY YOU CAN'T - AND YOU CAN TAKE HIM TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE OR TO THE PARK OR TO THE SHOPS .... YOU GET THE PICTURE!

Until 2 years old, this is normally 4 to 6 hours, over 1 or 2 days a week. - YOU SEEM TO HAVE THIS SO MAY NOT GET MORE UNTIL KID IS +2YEARS

From 2, the starting point is along the lines of Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays.
Midweek visits or stay-overs can make it more like shared care"

PS
When i say it has nothing to do with your ex ... i mean it BUT its nice to communicate as adults and tell her your popping to your mums house for the afternoon or soft play... this keeps things friendly and open

The problem... and its common... is when the ex tries to control what you do and says you CAN'T take him there or to see this person ... she's wrong, you can.
Just to add into this, contact is about the child's right to Quality Time with both parents.

Even if a Child Arrangements Order was to be made, it does not alter the fact that you have PR, so you can give consent for medical treatment etc, so there is no reason for the ex to be present.

Supervised contact is only where Child Welfare/Protection issues exist, or there is a proved risk of no return.

Normally staying contact starts from 2, but you can make a case if you can evidence of provision for feeding the baby has happened, if the child has been away from the mother for a significant amount of time (enough to show a feed would of had to have taken place).

Thanks guys really helpful
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#7
Hi,

Your argumentation is that your child is mature enough to attend nursery without mum being present.

Why on earth does this not apply to you also?

If your case goes to court ask for twice the time your child spends in nursery. If your child is old enough to spend 3 hours in nursery without mum then for sure your child is old enough to spent 6 hours with just dad!

F.
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