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Ignorant or vindictive?
#1
Hi all, I'm hoping some of you may be able to help me with an issue I am dealing with regarding changing contact with my son.  For 6 years I have had him every Monday, Wednesday and Friday overnight which has been fantastic and we both enjoyed this immensely. Recently he has become very emotional when returning to his mothers on Saturday evening, something I tried to discuss with her.  He was unable to tell me or her what was upsetting him so I suggested we look at the skills of a counsellor for a couple of hours.  

She told him I was trying to get her in trouble. 

This all came to a head when two weeks ago he asked me to approach his mum and ask if he could stay an extra night with me. I did so and she responded by changing the care arrangements so she had care Monday to Thursday and I had him all weekend.

My reason for writing is to see if anyone has had any experience of seeking care arrangements that do not involve care in blocks, i.e. Monday, Wednesday and Friday as we previously shared.  I think her changing arrangements to suit herself will have a detrimental affect on our 10 year old and hate the fact that she thinks she can control this and us.  

I have contacted a mediator and will be attending soon but having experienced her changing moods, jobs, partners and her demands to change arrangements I am certain that ultimately I will have to take to court to obtain an order.  
Will they look unfavourably at the alternate day current arrangements?

I know that I am very lucky to have my son every weekend but this is not the point.  I have been part of his school life for such a long, arrange childcare, play dates, read in the evening, homework etc and want to continue in this role as does he. 

Any comments please?

Thank you
Reply
#2
(03-08-2017, 07:34 PM)Daddy64 Wrote: Hi all, I'm hoping some of you may be able to help me with an issue I am dealing with regarding changing contact with my son.  For 6 years I have had him every Monday, Wednesday and Friday overnight which has been fantastic and we both enjoyed this immensely. Recently he has become very emotional when returning to his mothers on Saturday evening, something I tried to discuss with her.  He was unable to tell me or her what was upsetting him so I suggested we look at the skills of a counsellor for a couple of hours.  

She told him I was trying to get her in trouble. 

This all came to a head when two weeks ago he asked me to approach his mum and ask if he could stay an extra night with me. I did so and she responded by changing the care arrangements so she had care Monday to Thursday and I had him all weekend.

My reason for writing is to see if anyone has had any experience of seeking care arrangements that do not involve care in blocks, i.e. Monday, Wednesday and Friday as we previously shared.  I think her changing arrangements to suit herself will have a detrimental affect on our 10 year old and hate the fact that she thinks she can control this and us.  

I have contacted a mediator and will be attending soon but having experienced her changing moods, jobs, partners and her demands to change arrangements I am certain that ultimately I will have to take to court to obtain an order.  
Will they look unfavourably at the alternate day current arrangements?

I know that I am very lucky to have my son every weekend but this is not the point.  I have been part of his school life for such a long, arrange childcare, play dates, read in the evening, homework etc and want to continue in this role as does he. 

Any comments please?

Thank you

The important part to this case I am not seeing the detail for. How old is your son, and if 10 or over, without identifying anyone involved in your case, do you live in England, Scotland, Ireland or Wales. The angle I am looking at, is the law on wishes and desires.

Contact is about the avaliablity of the non resident parent, with the prefreed days and times of the resident parent having no legal bearing on the case.

If it was me, my Position would be that the existing arrangements of Monday, Wednesday and Friday with you worked great, and there is no significant reason to change that. However, if your ex is going to use childcare or if not avaliable Friday till Sunday now, you are willing to take this time in addtion to the existing arrangements. As you exceed 8 nights every 2 weeks, this would mean you the resident parent, and as such would get Child Benefit, Tax Credits etc.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
(03-08-2017, 07:59 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(03-08-2017, 07:34 PM)Daddy64 Wrote: Hi all, I'm hoping some of you may be able to help me with an issue I am dealing with regarding changing contact with my son.  For 6 years I have had him every Monday, Wednesday and Friday overnight which has been fantastic and we both enjoyed this immensely. Recently he has become very emotional when returning to his mothers on Saturday evening, something I tried to discuss with her.  He was unable to tell me or her what was upsetting him so I suggested we look at the skills of a counsellor for a couple of hours.  

She told him I was trying to get her in trouble. 

This all came to a head when two weeks ago he asked me to approach his mum and ask if he could stay an extra night with me. I did so and she responded by changing the care arrangements so she had care Monday to Thursday and I had him all weekend.

My reason for writing is to see if anyone has had any experience of seeking care arrangements that do not involve care in blocks, i.e. Monday, Wednesday and Friday as we previously shared.  I think her changing arrangements to suit herself will have a detrimental affect on our 10 year old and hate the fact that she thinks she can control this and us.  

I have contacted a mediator and will be attending soon but having experienced her changing moods, jobs, partners and her demands to change arrangements I am certain that ultimately I will have to take to court to obtain an order.  
Will they look unfavourably at the alternate day current arrangements?

I know that I am very lucky to have my son every weekend but this is not the point.  I have been part of his school life for such a long, arrange childcare, play dates, read in the evening, homework etc and want to continue in this role as does he. 

Any comments please?

Thank you

The important part to this case I am not seeing the detail for. How old is your son, and if 10 or over, without identifying anyone involved in your case, do you live in England, Scotland, Ireland or Wales. The angle I am looking at, is the law on wishes and desires.

Contact is about the avaliablity of the non resident parent, with the prefreed days and times of the resident parent having no legal bearing on the case.

If it was me, my Position would be that the existing arrangements of Monday, Wednesday and Friday with you worked great, and there is no significant reason to change that. However, if your ex is going to use childcare or if not avaliable Friday till Sunday now, you are willing to take this time in addtion to the existing arrangements. As you exceed 8 nights every 2 weeks, this would mean you the resident parent, and as such would get Child Benefit, Tax Credits etc.

Thanks for the reply. The time is not in addition but instead of.  He is 10 and we live in England.  Not interested in the finance, credits etc just want things to be as were and worried the courts may look unfavourably on the alternate night thing.  I have also offered to have Weds/Thurs/Fri and alternate Sats. 7 days in every 14. I want to be onvolved in both parts of his world, School and Leisure.

Thank you.
Reply
#4
(03-08-2017, 10:10 PM)Daddy64 Wrote:
(03-08-2017, 07:59 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(03-08-2017, 07:34 PM)Daddy64 Wrote: Hi all, I'm hoping some of you may be able to help me with an issue I am dealing with regarding changing contact with my son.  For 6 years I have had him every Monday, Wednesday and Friday overnight which has been fantastic and we both enjoyed this immensely. Recently he has become very emotional when returning to his mothers on Saturday evening, something I tried to discuss with her.  He was unable to tell me or her what was upsetting him so I suggested we look at the skills of a counsellor for a couple of hours.  

She told him I was trying to get her in trouble. 

This all came to a head when two weeks ago he asked me to approach his mum and ask if he could stay an extra night with me. I did so and she responded by changing the care arrangements so she had care Monday to Thursday and I had him all weekend.

My reason for writing is to see if anyone has had any experience of seeking care arrangements that do not involve care in blocks, i.e. Monday, Wednesday and Friday as we previously shared.  I think her changing arrangements to suit herself will have a detrimental affect on our 10 year old and hate the fact that she thinks she can control this and us.  

I have contacted a mediator and will be attending soon but having experienced her changing moods, jobs, partners and her demands to change arrangements I am certain that ultimately I will have to take to court to obtain an order.  
Will they look unfavourably at the alternate day current arrangements?

I know that I am very lucky to have my son every weekend but this is not the point.  I have been part of his school life for such a long, arrange childcare, play dates, read in the evening, homework etc and want to continue in this role as does he. 

Any comments please?

Thank you

The important part to this case I am not seeing the detail for. How old is your son, and if 10 or over, without identifying anyone involved in your case, do you live in England, Scotland, Ireland or Wales. The angle I am looking at, is the law on wishes and desires.

Contact is about the avaliablity of the non resident parent, with the prefreed days and times of the resident parent having no legal bearing on the case.

If it was me, my Position would be that the existing arrangements of Monday, Wednesday and Friday with you worked great, and there is no significant reason to change that. However, if your ex is going to use childcare or if not avaliable Friday till Sunday now, you are willing to take this time in addtion to the existing arrangements. As you exceed 8 nights every 2 weeks, this would mean you the resident parent, and as such would get Child Benefit, Tax Credits etc.

Thanks for the reply. The time is not in addition but instead of.  He is 10 and we live in England.  Not interested in the finance, credits etc just want things to be as were and worried the courts may look unfavourably on the alternate night thing.  I have also offered to have Weds/Thurs/Fri and alternate Sats. 7 days in every 14. I want to be onvolved in both parts of his world, School and Leisure.

Thank you.

At 10 in England, the childs "Wishes and desires" can come into things. You can ask a court to order a report, what will mean Cafcass or Social Services will make 1 - 3 vists to see the child, without either parent present. This would normally be at school.

The first thing a court considers is both people being reasonable. Courts view Quality Time as Weekends in school term, and all school holidays. That is why a normal order where it suits the non resident parent is Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays. This in effect halfs the quality time.

Mid week visits or stay overs are normal, often 0 or 1 on the non residents week, and 1 or 2 on the other.  Where there is now an issue following Welfare Benefit Reforms is courts will not do a 50/50 order, if there is any chance either parent will be on any state benefits before Child Benefit ends. This problem is that Child Benefit decides who can claim for the child, and on a 50/50 its disputed, so the courts now faclilitate Child Benefit making the decision, but making sure 1 parent always exceeds 50% on the order.

Your ex being the Resident parent does not alter the fact you have PR. She should be keeping you in the loop and seeking your input on any Education or Medical matters. However, if you can not agree she would the the final say.

My advise if your going to change it is to go for 2 weekday nights each week (so the child has set routines), and Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays, if it suites your avaliablity.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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