No contact with children SS + school issues

[Ferddy80]

Just an update.

I am really frustrated with the cafcass report I have received.

I spent a long time piecing together evidence that I had saved over many years, which included:

30+ times my ex threatened me with social services
dozens of times my ex threatened to cut all contact with my children
Half a dozen times she has broken our mediation agreement & text evidence stating she does not respect the agreement
Evidence that she has been encouraging my daughter to sever ties with me

None of which was included in the Cafcass report.

Instead of including this, which was all documented information, filed and dated, they said:

I bullied the mum during our relationship - no police report EVER, NOTHING documented, did not happen!!

I bully, shout at and swear at my children and I frighten them, made me out to be an absolute monster. Even though both myself & my daughter state this has only happened TWICE in FIVE years. I hear parents shouting at their children all the time!!!!! Yes I got angry two times, but only because my daughter lied and lied, and I got frustrated - yet the report makes out that I do this all the time!!!

It also said that I put my daughter down and call her names, I have my partner as a witness (she is a professional that works with vulnerable children) to say this did not happen. Cafcass refused to even speak with her to hear her point of view and hear her views!

===========================

Thank the Lord my daughter saved me. I think after this shockingly inaccurate report I would have never seen my daughter again.. But when the Cafcass worker went to interview my daughter, she broke down in tears and begged to see me. She said how much she missed me.

I am actually really angry. Apparently my daughter has been telling her mum and the school she didnt want to see me, but I said all along, the school are NOT neutral. Why? Because my ex partner worked there for years!!! She is friends with all the staff as they are former collegues!! She is friends with these people  and my daughter (who admitted in the cafcass interview that she was afraid of telling her mum she wanted to see me) obviously knew that the information would be passed to her mum! So for months she has been saying one story, and then 30 seconds after she meets the cafcass worker, she is pleading to see me, saying how much she misses me and Loves me. In the report it states she made a last minute change of mind!! What?? One day after 6 months she changes her mind? Or maybe rather than that she was simply afraid of telling the truth until she couldnt hide it anymore?

Anyway, it is recommended that contact goes back to how it was, 'With reservations' about me and clearly states the mother is in charge of things..

[Chi21965]

Did CAFCASS do the Section 7 and did that involve an observed session with you and your daughter and a social worker? If not, it is likely the judge will order it.

Ultimately, it comes down to this, you haven't had your say yet. You will down the road get the chance to put in a statement which will include evidence and your views.

I think it's clear to everyone here that basically you and your have different parenting styles. Yours is a bit more like mine where children do the basics of looking after their own space and understand that they have chores. Her new partner isn't helping - to say the least and I hope that his disruption is being factored in by CAFCASS.

The judge needs to take a firm hand here and he needs to make clear that firmness is not abuse and to the mother that her partner plying the children with money is detrimental rather than supportive. Im sorry but the practicalities of parenting mean that every once in a while parents can become exasperated. That means they may raise their voice. It isn't ideal but it doesn't make them abusive.

The last thing is the judge will order contact with you but the mother needs to change. I would consider asking your solicitor to ask CAFCASS to support contact for a year. There is a real possibility that the minute the order is made and you leave court you will end up with a long list of breaches all based on, "she doesn't want to see you." And it is not appropriate that there will remain 'reservations' about you. Offer to go on the Separated Parents Information Programme
(SIPP) course and the Parenting Puzzle course. The minute you do the judge will order the ex does.

[Frisbos]

Hi,

You need to be careful and maybe you misread the Cafcass report.

The Cafcass report can't state that you have done this and that. Why? Because that would not be credible because the Cafcass officer was not a witness.

I believe all that bad stuff is a reflection of mothers position. That was how my intitial report from Cafcass was set out too.

If this is the case sometimes the more ugly the better for you because now this is on record and mum must prove all this shit under oath in court.

If she can't , game over.

The fact that Cafcass has indicated or recommended contact suggests that they think your ex is talking nonsense.

Otherwise they would have not recommended contact!

So, try to read this report again from this angle.

F.

[Ferddy80]

Thank you for the reassurances. 

I did have an observation and this went very well. The reports from the contact centre were all positive as well, stating my children enjoy spending time with me and I have a close relationship.

They also want the contact order made ASAP as they want to spend half of the holidays with me.

Cafcass state that they do not believe they need to be involved any longer as well.

I just get frustrated how they include things that simply have no basis, statements by my ex that I was controlling and bullying, statements that I shout and swear at my children, and then at the end say that I need to implement the mother's routine at my house as well and I have to communicate better with the mum, not that WE must communicate better, but I should. Also that I need to learn to communicate with my children better.

Nothing based on reality, just based on the crap the mother says. And quotes like 'To call her names undermines her self confidence', even though I did not do this.

Anyway thanks for the replies once more, I have court in just over a week so hopefully all will be resolved.

[Frisbos]

Hi,

At the end of the day a judge will read this report to move this case forward and take consideration of the recommendations.

The recommendations are positive. Also that Cafcass says they do not want to be involved anymore. All this is very positive.

Highlight all that positive stuff on the report before you have your next hearing.

If the ex still goes on about the bad stuff you refer to the positive recommendations in the report.

In terms of communication and that other stuff you can I believe quickly satisfy a judge in offering to take part in the SPIP programme. This is 1 afternoon course and I paid and took this voluntarily and found it beneficial.

As communication does not work 1 way your partner should also participate in this course but not at the same time.

If the bad stuff becomes an issue in court think about to offer the above to show the judge that you can address mothers concerns and that you have an solution.

All the best, you have done good!!!

F.

[Chi21965]

The chances are that CAFCASS won't stay involved after the case is concluded. They rarely do. However, it's something to think about for the future. When she breaches (she's hard work clearly) you can ask for that.

The SIPP course won't make you attend the same course on the same day. There are different venues too and in my case I lived in a different area anyway so you're just not going to see her. I didn't pay for mine, perhaps because it was court ordered for both of us but you may not have to pay.

You'll get contact, you have a positive independent report and from the contact centre and the children are willing.

You'll be fine.

[Frisbos]

Hi,

Yes, the SPIP course is free if court ordered.
Mine wasn't and I signed up voluntarily.

F.

[Ferddy80]

Well guys I had my hearing.

All accusations against me were dismissed, apart from the one in which I 'shout at my daughter', which I have never denied, but do so infrequently. 

Because of this my ex suggested to the court I take an anger management course, the court rejected the suggestion.

In court no one even focused on the accusations, they were simply dismissed out of hand.

5 months of not seeing my children, 1 month seeing them for 2 hours per week supervised, all for that..

Back to normal now with a court order, I get my children for a week when they break up from school.

Thank you for the comments on here and the advice, it really helped me. Especially frisbos.

[Frisbos]

Very happy for you!

Well done!

F.

[Charlie7000]

That is good news! We're just having to apply to court. I just wanted to say I know how horrendous it is. We have now had two false allegations, and the first time were advised to "deal robustly" with it by applying to court immediately. We had evidence to show she had threatened to report to SS so it was clearcut. We were given an order but it wasn't defined. Since then a further allegation. Visited by SS who dismissed it when they heard about the court hearing after the last allegation. So now the tactic is "child doesn't want to see you". And pressurising child into going along with that.

If it helps I think it is clear it is:
1) Alienation
2) Mother hates child having a family life with you when the children have a stepmother
3) She now wants to have a normal family life with her new partner and get rid of you.
4) I think they will stop at nothing.
5) Child was quite clearly told to make the report to school.

Ours actually seems to enjoy the attention of going to court!

I hope your new order is enforceable and if any further allegations, enforce and be clear false allegations have been made before.

It is good news you have your children back after such a long separation. I hope we get our situation sorted quickly. But it is heart-breaking for the kids to be manipulated and scared like that.