Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
About to apply for residency - Shall I move out with my daughter?
#1
Hi,

As already mentioned in another thread I'm about to apply for residency, just to summarize my situation:

- Married for 7 years with a 3 years old daughter
- We've been talking about divorce but my wife is just holding on and I have very strong reasons to suspect she has some future plans she intends to prepare behind my back, so I'm preparing myself to take action
- Even though I work, most of my daughter's daily routine is with me: I do most of the nursery runs, I feed her, I bath her, I take her out, I attend sports activities with her, etc... and it's always been like this
- My wife is unemployed at the moment, just staying at home doing nothing and with no plans to look for a new job, so I'm also the one coping financially

Due to all of this I intend to apply for residency but obviously would like my wife to keep as much contact as she can/wants, in our particular circumstances I believe I can offer more stability to my daughter.

Now the questions:
We live in a rented property and my idea is to make an offer to my wife in order for her to move out so that I can keep the actual property we live in, I obviously don't know how she will take this and in case she disagrees then we need to take further action.
What are the implications of me moving out taking my daughter with me? (it wouldn't make much sense but I'm just thinking about possible scenarios if my wife tries to difficult things)
What about if she moves out and takes her as a retaliation (my wife is a bit unstable)? Would I be able to sort things out quickly?
In case my wife doesn't accept to move out alone and I don't want to move out and leave my daughter behind then the only option will be to carry on leaving together until there is a child arrangements order? Is that correct?

As you probably can imagine I feel a bit lost, all advice welcome.
Reply
#2
(03-17-2017, 11:49 AM)jmpnl Wrote: Hi,

As already mentioned in another thread I'm about to apply for residency, just to summarize my situation:

- Married for 7 years with a 3 years old daughter
- We've been talking about divorce but my wife is just holding on and I have very strong reasons to suspect she has some future plans she intends to prepare behind my back, so I'm preparing myself to take action
- Even though I work, most of my daughter's daily routine is with me: I do most of the nursery runs, I feed her, I bath her, I take her out, I attend sports activities with her, etc... and it's always been like this
- My wife is unemployed at the moment, just staying at home doing nothing and with no plans to look for a new job, so I'm also the one coping financially

Due to all of this I intend to apply for residency but obviously would like my wife to keep as much contact as she can/wants, in our particular circumstances I believe I can offer more stability to my daughter.

Now the questions:
We live in a rented property and my idea is to make an offer to my wife in order for her to move out so that I can keep the actual property we live in, I obviously don't know how she will take this and in case she disagrees then we need to take further action.
What are the implications of me moving out taking my daughter with me? (it wouldn't make much sense but I'm just thinking about possible scenarios if my wife tries to difficult things)
What about if she moves out and takes her as a retaliation (my wife is a bit unstable)? Would I be able to sort things out quickly?
In case my wife doesn't accept to move out alone and I don't want to move out and leave my daughter behind then the only option will be to carry on leaving together until there is a child arrangements order? Is that correct?

As you probably can imagine I feel a bit lost, all advice welcome.

As long as you have PR, until a Child Arrangements Order exists (or Consent Order covering child arrangements) you are both on the same legal standing.

The problem that you will have, is that you in my view, do not have a strong enough case, for a Judge not to order the child's return.

Joint Residence only happens by agreement, as the Benefits system needs someone to exceed 50%, to get the Child Benefit, what then quality's that person for Tax Credits, and the Child's Occupancy only courts with that parent for Housing Benefit.

My suggestion is that if your in a 2 bedroom rented house, leave her in it, as shes not working, with the child their the rent will get paid by Housing Benefit.

If you was to rent as close as you can, and look at a shared care arrangements. The starting point would be every other weekend, but add in mid week visits/stay overs, Nursery runs etc. You would also get up to half school holidays, what is 6.5 weeks, but if you can not do that, a 4 week plan would be a week Easter and Christmas, with a 2 week block in the summer (and another weekend, but it might not be normal one if you ex has a holiday)
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
Many thanks for your reply, I really need some help and feel lost about how to proceed...

Why are you saying I don't have a strong enough case if I'm basically the one looking after my daughter on a daily basis?
All her routines are with me.
On top of that I have a stable professional situation with flexible working hours I have adjusted to maximise the free time I have for my daughter.
On the other hand my wife just doesn't want to work and is even saying she doesn't know if she will ever work again, she doesn't care about any responsibilities because she knows I've always been there to cover her back... Will she have a strong enough case?

I don't want to move out leaving my daughter behind, it just doesn't make sense, I can't see my wife coping on her own.

If I was to agree a shared care in order to do that it would have to be shared residency in the worst case, looking at our particular situation anything less than that just wouldn't make sense for my daughter.
Reply
#4
your daughter is very young

no court would order a judgement to take the daughter away from the mother unless she has done something horrific
Reply
#5
I'm not talking about taking her away...

I'm talking about looking at her best interest and to me, again looking at our particular circumstances, that means trying to preserve her routines and stability.

Am I missing something or does the mother have more rights than the father just because she's the mother?
Facts need to be taken into consideration.
Reply
#6
yes i understand what you mean

but a court considers living with the mother as the best interests for a child until a certain age
Reply
#7
(03-17-2017, 08:04 PM)jmpnl Wrote: Many thanks for your reply, I really need some help and feel lost about how to proceed...

Why are you saying I don't have a strong enough case if I'm basically the one looking after my daughter on a daily basis?
All her routines are with me.
On top of that I have a stable professional situation with flexible working hours I have adjusted to maximise the free time I have for my daughter.
On the other hand my wife just doesn't want to work and is even saying she doesn't know if she will ever work again, she doesn't care about any responsibilities because she knows I've always been there to cover her back... Will she have a strong enough case?

I don't want to move out leaving my daughter behind, it just doesn't make sense, I can't see my wife coping on her own.

If I was to agree a shared care in order to do that it would have to be shared residency in the worst case, looking at our particular situation anything less than that just wouldn't make sense for my daughter.

I am not seeing any reason why a Court would remove the child from your ex.

While you talk about what arrangments/routines you have in place, them decisions was based on you both being about.

You would need to show Child Welfare/Protection or Parenting skill issues to stand half a chance. That plus your involvment while together would change things.

My view is that if you went for Residancy, it will be a long process, a high cost if you use a Solicitor, and it would not happen.

Shared care given your involvmenet I would expect a court to award, consisiting of every other weekend, half school holidays, and 2 or 3 visits or stay overs mid week.

To be clear, contact is your choice of activity with the child, and things like the school run would be in addition to this, if you ex wanted this to carry on.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#8
What do you mean by "parenting skill issues" please?
Reply
#9
Hi,

Been thinking about this a lot over the past few days, and this is killing me...

Even though, according to our particular circumstances and to my relationship with my daughter, my initial idea of applying for residency still makes sense in my head,  I believe I'm becoming a bit more rational and maybe a bit more realistic unfortunately...

What I mean is that by applying for residency my wife will most probably get pissed off and, in case I fail to get residency, she will then create problems in the future as a revenge, I don't care about the problems for myself but it will definitely end up affecting my daughter and that's what I want to avoid, so the sad reality I'm in is that I will most probably have to suffer in silence in order to keep things as amicable as possible...
That's not an easy thing to admit and at the moment I honestly don't know how I will manage to cope with this situation...

Based on all I've been reading it looks like courts and the law are on the mother's side and take more into consideration that preconceived idea which, according to my personal life experience, is not always in the child's best interest.
It feels so unfair...

Having said that I would have hope for a 50/50 shared care agreement but, because my wife will need the benefits, she will most probably ask for residency and again, in order to put my daughter's best interest in the 1st place I'm stuck!
In order to be rational and not affect my daughter I could go for something very close to the 50/50 but my problem will be to cover my back for the future, I'm not sure my wife's intentions are the best...

Anyway will see my solicitor today to discuss.
Reply
#10
Hey,
The courts should be on the child's side.... and the default position should be to ensure both parents are able have custody, access and financial responsibility for the kid.

You can choose to arrange that between yourselves or go to court and ask them to rule

In your situation, if you or your wife do something that is not agreed or ordered by court, for example move the child to one address without agreement of the other parent... the other parent, who has PR therefore equal rights, would have a right to legally act.

As Mark says, your opinions that the ex is lazy and vice versa... her opinions of you.... are almost irrelevant unless there is a proven welfare issue for teh child.

Aim for 50:50 or a practically close as possible... it may be that actual access could be higher than 50%

If your wife's intentions are not in the interest of the kid, then you'll have to show that at a later date as currently its conjecture
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Apply online for LIP's Charlie7000 0 1,616 06-13-2019, 11:45 AM
Last Post: Charlie7000
  What is the contact should I apply for Robert London 4 4,804 06-25-2018, 11:50 PM
Last Post: Robert London
  Can Dads Apply for Every Weekend GC1974 4 5,034 06-07-2018, 09:19 PM
Last Post: asd1270
  I move closer, she'll move away.... ShaneD 2 4,221 08-02-2017, 06:25 PM
Last Post: MarkR



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)