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Going of the rails post separation
#1
Hi,

I tried making my marriage work for several years for the sake of my children even though it was clear only one party was interested in doing so. I could never leave my children and in the end my ex realised this and threw me out - I never did anything wrong, never cheated always remained faithful and caved in to her wishes most of the time. She was manipulative and was trying to remove my friends and family one by one from our lives.

I was upset at first about everything but realised very quickly that the only thing I missed was the children and I don't have any issues with my self worth at all, in fact it has increased since we split as I can be me again. My view is that she loved me once and it was her that changed not me and there is a high probability someone will love me in the future.

I read on all the websites of the issues that are meant to face you in separation - and for the most part these are covered as I have a great deal of support and know that the problems arising around seeing kids and finances will be rectified in time (I just have to be patient). There is one area I don't have support in - I have started dating again and even with kids I quickly realised I have a lot to give someone and I'm very lucky in that nearly every woman I meet for a first date seems to like me and wants to see me again (but not the other way round) and all the attention is great and a little addictive but it means I'm out having drinks most nights and have consequently gone off the rails a little bit (a true first world problem).
The 2 most important things in my life right now should be my children and my work but I've not being prioritising work at all (spending lots fo time on dating apps) and this has ramifications and when my ex suddenly switches plans and needs help with the kids I'm not always instantly willing to go if I have other plans as it involves an hours travel each way to be a taxi service for one of their hobbies so other than the car journey to their hobby I don't really spend much time with them by doing so even though I love those precious few moments - when I have the kids over my weekend I give them my undivided attention as it is quality time and I treasure it.

In short i feel I've been let of a leash and I suppose I just need someone to talk to to remind me of what my most important priorities are. I don't have any friends who have been through separation/divorce where kids were involved and I would love to help someone the other way round as I am a very positive person which might be exactly what someone else needs. Or are their any support groups for dads going through various issues? I'm sure I will also want to vent about some of the other issues too but this one is the one I am struggling to manage and could end up ultimately affecting everything else if left unchecked.
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#2
Hello mate, thanks for joining.

How long has it been since you split?

Everything you describe sounds pretty normal. It's not really going off the rails as such, more making the best of a bad situation!!
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#3
(03-17-2017, 01:57 PM)StartingLifeAgain Wrote: Hello mate, thanks for joining.

How long has it been since you split?

Everything you describe sounds pretty normal.  It's not really going off the rails as such, more making the best of a bad situation!!

Hi no worries, glad to be here (reading some of the stuff others have posted has helped)

We split just after Christmas (so I know it is quick but not leading anyone on - I tell women my situation, some are put off by it and we never meet and others are cool with it)

I'm trying to find things to do to keep me busy other than dating but it beats staying in a bedroom in a shared house on my own feeling sorry for myself.

Actually saw your post on dating again earlier today which encouraged me to post
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