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help needed Please advise...
#1
Hi All.

Last week sent an email to my ex of nearly 5 years asking her to take over the mortgage as I'm no longer in a financial position to not only keep up the payments but no longer want anything to do with the house.
This was the 4/5 th letter to her and I've had letters sent from my solicitor in the past to her ,but to no avail.
I am closing down my business at the end of this month and have to pay off all outstanding debts related to my business.I am a self employed hairdresser within my salon and have to close due to high rent, rates and staff shortages.
 for the last 4 years have over payed the child maintenance figure i was advise to pay ,but wanted to make sure my children and their welfare was provided for.
I have only been earning £150 per week ,with £50.00 cm,motgage £300, and I'm paying the insurances on the house and having to run a car, food,parking and phone..i provide food and clothing for my children when i have them every weekend at my mothers and pay towards school trips and help towards their holidays.
I'm in a debt cycle i can't get out of and explained this to her in the email, and said that i could no longer keep up the payments for the mortgage and that i had spoken to CSA and that they had told me to reduce the payments to £17 per week...
this leaves me with almost nothing spare money wise at all.

Her reponse was forwarded to my father and my current partner who are both very supportive and they told me not by any uncertain terms not to read it ,as it would be extremely upsetting.My Son (11) texted me from her phone  there was no future for us ,and referred to me by name rather than daddy as i was no longer his dad and said i will see you in a few years...this text may well have not been written by my son at all.

She withheld access to my children (whom i have every saturday afternoon until sunday evening) this weekend saying that they had made other arrangements ,and an email today saying not to collect them from school which i have done since they were in reception.

Ultimately i just want out of the mortgage contract ,have her buy me out, get my equity, and move on with my life.
it has taken me 4 years to get the confidence to start thinking about a new relationship with an ex partner that for almost 12 years has controlled and manipulated my life ,finances and my well being.

i am 47 and have now been living in the spare room of my mothers for coming up 5 years,i have 2 children aged 9 & 11,have had no holiday for now 9 years, and struggling financially in all areas of my life...
quite what to do now i just don't know...

i am lucky that i have a beautiful, supportive new partner, and family and even her sister admits that my ex is deranged and unwilling to let go.

please help with any advise...
thank you.
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#2
Hi Adam

Sounds like you are in a tough place but I suggest to break a problem down into bite size chunks which will help

1st - great you have supportive partner and family - tells us that you must be a nice guy for them to help you and stick by you
2nd - see if you can get 30 mins free legal advice at CAB - they may be answer some of the more complex questions
3. House - Mortgage is a commercial contract so your relationship status with your ex doesn't really matter and if your name is still on the mortgage you can be liable....there are more options, can she buy you out?
4. Hairdresser - that's your trade so if your business is going under due to high rents you can set up in a lower rent area or go and work for someone else ... point is to keep the motivation to keep working and build a future.... so look at all the options ... go the old peoples home and cut hair for free... keep occupied
5. Kids - work out what you want... if you want access to the kids you need to start mediation process with the ex and if that fails go to court... kids need both parents
6. Don't believe that text... kids need love ... Text back and tell him you love him
7. she cannot withhold access from your kids ,... no matter what she thinks and if she sent a text like that ....any court is going to look very badly at that action
8. start keeping a diary of all the times you have been denied access plus things like text messages from your kids phones
9. thank your lucky stars you are out of the manipulative relationship...
10. Holidays mean different things to different people... You WILL get back on your feet ... but until then, you see that local hill.... get up it with a book... you don't need 2 weeks in Dubai just yet.... you need to start focusing on yourself mentally and physically ... borrow a bike for day, go for a run, clear your head... but DO NOT give up
The thing about being at a low point is you can only go up in direction :-)
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